Tuesday, March 11, 2014

'Being Human' Recap: 'Too Far, Fast-Forward'

Courtesy Syfy

Last week on "Being Human," Sally lived and died, Aidan loved and lost, and Josh just got absolutely hosed. Let's do this.

Sally stands in the alley looking at Aidan cradling her body and he wants to know why she was there. Well, Aidan, when a girl loves a vampire, she'll do really stupid things like going to a vamp bar to keep him from doing even stupider things like calling Bishop for help in avenging her death. Blood-drunk and spoiling for a fight, Aidan and Bishop track Ray and Josh to make things right.

Josh is spazzing out about Sally dying. Again. Ah, there is the wolf we know and love. It looks like there will be a throw-down in the warehouse rafters when Aidan turns on the flash speed to get to Ray and gouges his eyes out with his thumbs before tossing Ray over the railing. While Bishop approves of the outcome, he doesn't understand why Josh is still standing. But really, there is no better torture for Josh that Aidan could devise - leave him alive and hating himself without a way to lift the curse, knowing that he'll never have Nora. Okay, that ranked pretty high on the Assholio-meter Aidan. Sally agrees saying that he's a monster but he doesn't care and if he ever sees Josh again, he'll kill him. Man, I hope that Josh can get out of the lease otherwise, awkward.

Fast forward one year later to Aidan stealing clean blood from the hospital for Bishop in response to the virus that was wiping out the vamps. Nora watches from a distance looking extremely haunted. Meanwhile, Josh is working in a pie shop with Sally pestering him to start dating and oh yeah, can you help me find Donna? I need her to set things right. Josh would really like for her to go away and leave him the hell alone thankyouverymuch.

Aidan knew Nora was watching the delivery with his super vampire powers and holds her prescription pain med reliance over her head. Turns out Nora is in charge of screening the healthy blood and some of Bishop's earmarked stash got commingled with the general supply so delivery will be short this time. She's screening the new donors as fast as she can but Aidan takes it as she's threatening Bishop and threatens her in return. Aidan, have you looked at her eyes recently? You can't break her, she's already broken so threats really aren't going to do anything.

Commercials! Puppy chow! Because kids don't spill enough stuff on the floor as it is.

Bishop is enjoying being BVOC distributing clean blood when Aidan returns with the bad news but now worries, the problem is fixed and things will be in a day or so. Bishop has quite the personal stash and a nifty little serving bar. Sangre on the rocks for everyone! His Vampiness is quite displeased and throws Aidan out. But does Aidan mind? Not at all. He gets back into the sancto sanctorum and cleans out Bishop's private stash, selling it on the streets. I'm sure that Bishop won't mind this display of entrepreneurship at all.

Josh invited psychic Alana to the pie shop in hopes of finding Donna. Though she can sense the presence of a very insistent palpable spirit, coughSallycough, she's quite put out that the only reason she was contacted was to find Donna. Alana's pretty clever though and draws a salt line on the floor, jolting Sally out of Josh whom she had possessed to contact Alana. Alana's pissed, Josh is pissed and really Sally, how many lifetimes to you need to learn that 'No' means NO?

Commercials! According to Stephen Colbert, pistachios are like politics: separate the halves and the nuts fall out. I think I'm in love.

Aidan comes clean to Bishop; he will replace the blood but doesn't seem very conciliatory about it. Bishop needs to reassert control so he beats the tar out of Aidan with Marcus and Wallace watching and rather enjoying the entertainment until Bishop declares that the punishment must fit the crime so he digs Wallace's fangs out of his head for skimming off the top. I guess the lesson here is don't try to hide it when you undercut the boss?

Josh is closing up his pie shop and Sally doesn't get that he's still really angry with her about being used when he has a vision of himself, Nora and Sally eating waffles. Oh yeah, sometimes when Sally possesses someone, parts of her memory stick. Sorry about that. I'm sure having a memory of something that he really wanted but never had planted in his head forever will just be the ice cream on his pie. A girl stumbles into the shop and Sally tries to warn him but he isn't listening to her. Too bad, because it was a virus-infected vamp and she's out for dinner. Josh stakes her and wigs out adorably.

Sally goes to see Aidan because she still cares for him and to see that his face isn't falling off. Oh, and bringing him a way to face Bishop and survive. But, they'll need to get over their feud because it will require Josh's blood. See? A peace offering!

Commercials! Dos Equis means 'two Xs', right? So the most interesting man in the world should be able to drink Tres Equis, otherwise known as 'rat poision'.

Tormented by Sally's memory of them all together, Josh goes to the hospital ostensibly to visit Aidan but really to see Nora who's looking very, very rough. Her divorce goes through next week; apparently marrying a serial cheater was not the ticket to happily-ever-after. Who knew? Josh has another vision, this one of his and Nora's wedding and in a throwback to his alternate reality vows, tells her to take care of herself because she's so, so awesome. It's pretty safe to say that he will always love her.

Aidan, true to his word, replaces Bishop's blood stash. Smelling a rat, Bishop opens a bag to drink a toast with Aidan. Fortunately Aidan's spent the past several years building up an immunity to iocane powder hours fortifying himself with Wolf Reserve so he's able to to con Bishop into drinking and they both get rip-roaring blood drunk.

Sally and Josh are waiting for Aidan; he went to tie up some loose ends and after 228 years, he's finally free of Bishop but now, instead of walking away from the vampire conclave which he had always said is what he wanted, he appears to be poised to assume the mantle of leadership. Disgusted, Sally and Josh walk away to leave him to his new life.

Commercials! But what if a rancher is interested in city folk, Farmer's Only? What then?

Aidan goes back to Bishop's office to gloat over the once-powerful vampire reduced to ever weakening frailty. But does Bishop begrudge him this? No, fathers always want their sons to do better, to surpass them. And just like that, shocks Aidan back to his senses. Game, set, match to Bishop because in his own twisted way, he loved Aidan. This time Aidan does his heavy thinking driving around town, remembering the power with Bishop and then, more recently, the feeling of family and love and happiness with Josh and Sally. And now, finally, he knows what he wants. Pie.

Sally paces morosely outside of Josh's pie shop when Aidan arrives, wearing the vampire equivalent of sackcloth and ashes. He screwed up big time and he knows this when Sally begins glowing and levitating then disappears...into Donna's kitchen.

She needs Donna's help who is less than interested in helping her. Donna doesn't believe that they are linked until she slices at Sally and sustains a laceration on her arm as well. Sally gives her the quick history: you ate me, I tore you apart, we went to hell, I climbed out, I set you free. Well, I'm sold. All she wants is to go back to the correct time line. Josh and Aidan aren't so sure about this but Donna can do it - everyone will get what they want. They all just have to agree. Josh just wants reassurance that he actually did marry Nora. For the thousandth time Josh, yes, you did marry Nora. We're not saying that you are currently sharing a living space, but technically, you are still married.

Commercials! As cool as "Jim Henson's Creature Shop" looks to be, it kind of destroys the magic a bit seeing them built from the ground up.

Donna goes over the process, she'll send Sally back to the correct time line but she'll bounce around a little before settling back in the right spot. Aidan has one request for Sally: make him remember that he loves her. She will...because she loves him too. Donna does her bibbidi bobbidi boo and a bunch of Sallys appear before being sent on. She appears in the house that looks to be in the final stages of being packed up to see Aidan and Josh talking. Aidan is distraught, Josh is apologetic and Aidan, in one quick move, snaps Josh's neck. Uh, no. Not the right time. Which is hopefully never. She flashes again to outside the brownstone with Aidan looking very upset at an ambulance in the street; was it really Josh who died after all? Nope, Josh is here, the person in the body bag is Robbie.

Sally disappeared and they didn't know what to do so they called the paramedics to take him away. Well, at least everything is back to normal - except Aidan doesn't remember them being together. Where did she go? Well, several years in the past, then to the future then back to the present. How are in the future? Next year, 10 years, what? No, it felt much much closer than that. So. Do you tell one of your best friends that your other best friend with whom you fell in love was going to kill them really, really soon? Sally, if this little jaunt through time has taught you anything, the answer is always, ALWAYS 'no'.

We are barreling full steam towards the series finale here (sob). Make sure you join us next Monday,  March 17, when Josh gets captured (again) and Sally goes comatose (again). Watch "Oh Don't You Die For Me" on Syfy at 9 p.m. ET.