Monday, August 4, 2014

'The Strain' Recap: 'It's Not For Everyone'

Courtesy FX
BY DAWN FEAKES

Last week on "The Strain," we learned that unlike "True Blood" and "Twilight," these vampires have no need for genitalia and that people really need to start listening to the crazy old folks. Let's do this.

Jim, Eph, and Nora  - you've just killed a monster in Redfern's body. What are you going to do now? Well, with two votes for burning and one for autopsying, the choice is clear: autopsy the sucker!

Over at the Barbour's, Andrew is really Ansel and his wife Annie the Mouse is taking the kids to his sister's. Good idea and congratulations on the personal growth step of venturing outside your home. He'll be fine, just needs some rest and lunch snuggle time with Gertie the dog. That sound you hear is the PETA machine gearing up for a throw-down.

Family time for Gus! Homeboy Fat Felix has another job for them but Mama returns home in time for breakfast. It's a good thing we aren't playing a drinking game for every time Gus tells his mom he loves her. I won't be held responsible for anyone's liver failure.

Eichhorst pays another visit to The Stoneheart Group to visit Palmer. Oh good, you've made it in time; we have a guest - a master hacker. Who is a girl. Excuse me Palmer, your patriarchy is showing. But enough about that, can you interrupt phone service and slow the internet? Well, if she works at Comcast it should be no problem at all. Can you show me the money? Then I believe we have an accord. Though she'd better not do it during "Sharknado."

Against her better judgement, Nora joins in the happy autopsy party and they are both being bad, bad scientists by not being masked goggled while dissecting a monster with a six-foot stinger thing in his mouth. (I'll get off my soap box now). So doctor, what do we have? Well, no genitalia, dried up lungs, shriveled heart but brand new set of organs growing in the body cavity. Jim, are you getting all of this on your iPhone? They finally get around to pulling out the stinger and that thing's 15 feet long if it's an inch. Jim's gone bye-bye Eph, where have you gone? It's rewriting human biology. Why? So it can reproduce. Let me just say that I'm glad I studied anatomy and physiology or I would have lost my frozen pizza dinner on that one.

Back at Casa de Gus, the landlord comes looking for rent that never got paid. Of course it didn't if you gave it to Crispin you dummy so now Gus has to go do this next job. Thanks for being such a loser Crispin.

Ansel's wife Annie comes back to their house the next morning because she's dumb and she can't find him or the dog. What's a girl to do? Pop some pills and pray the rosary, natch. Finding hair on his pillow, she heads to the backyard to investigate where she finds blood and a dog collar. Most folks would back away but not our Annie. Showing grit no one would ever believe, she finds the dog Gertie dead and hears something in the shed. Still calling for Ansel and ignoring every instinct in her body, she unlocks the door and enters instead. A mostly-turned Ansel lunges at her but enough of him remained that he attached himself to the dog leash and growls at her to get away while straining at his collar. The voices in his head are telling him to rip open her throat and drink her blood so FTLOG, RUN! Annie, when Meth-Head Joker tells you to run, you run.

Post autopsy, they are finally burning everything. The infection is spreading through city and Jim confesses that he waved the van through with the box inside at the airport; it's all his fault. He was paid to do it as he was targeted because of his mounting debt and Sylvia's cancer. He had no idea what would happen; it was a box of soil. NBD. But the favors kept getting larger and then some scary German guy threatened him and c'mon guys, I need a hug. Eph is not impressed as he punches Jim out saying he's dead to Eph. Nora? Just give me the phone, Jim. Nora has some sympathy but Eph has single-minded focus now: No mercy! And why is the steering wheel on the wrong side of the car? No matter, it's time to start tracking down the survivors, victims and their loved ones. And do what exactly Eph, hm?

Felix and Gus are on the job, if by job you mean Felix bouncing on a luxury car to make the alarm go off so Gus can steal the keys to a different luxury car that is. Before we can care too much, let's revisit Annie who's having a conversation with her dead dog. It's all the airplane's fault and Annie? You might want to up your dosage. Just saying. Anyway, you can barely hear it over the growls coming from the shed which annoys neighbor Tanner who comes over to complain. Annie is meek and demure, apologizing until Tanner lets it slip that he had hit Gertie before. Oh, yes, she does need to be disciplined. Here, she's in the shed. Go on and teach her a lesson. Someone certainly learned a lesson here and I must say, Annie is ever the dutiful wife.

For some reason it was very important for us to see Gus and Felix bring the stolen car to the chop shop where after some half-assed haggling, they settle on $800 as the buyers weren't aware of them due to phones and internet being down. Dun dun DUN!

Palmer is resting knowing that Operation: Shut down the internet is underway when Maggie is shown in. Not sure who she is but we'll go with press secretary and it's her job to sell the story that the US military removed the bodies from the morgue after a bio-agent was released on the plane, conspiracy, spin spin sugar, blah blah blah. She's toeing the party line so we don't care anymore. Palmer's need to phase two to get underway is now critical as he's in full hepatic failure and nursing a serious case of butt-hurt to boot. Moving on.

Eph and Nora visit Papa Armand and Emma when they decide to head down to the basement which is dark. And creepy. And dark. This show needs to be renamed 'The Strain of Making Terrible Decisions'. Emma's home though and unleashes the Stinger of Destiny when Abraham shows up wielding his mighty cane sword. No time for congratulations though, duck!  And he takes out Papa. Even after the whole thing with Captain Redfern, she still can't past seeing them as patients needing a cure. Nora, I hate to tell you but what we have here is a whole new ball game and your resources and protocols are of no use She can't deal so she bolts but Eph, well, he's never felt more alive. Murder? Arson? Bring it. Oh yeah, and some  gasoline. There's a good boy.

Next week: Flashbacks and spreading ripples. Tune in to FX on Sunday, August 10 at 10 p.m. ET for "Runaways."

2 comments:

Harriet Klinklemeyer said...

"Maggie" is the Secretary of Health and Human Services that we saw when she told Eph that it was all on the NTSB now.

dawn feakes-lang said...

Thanks Harriet; the mind isn't what it used to be.