Tuesday, November 11, 2014

'Sleep Hollow' Recap: 'Heartless'

Courtesy Fox

Last week on "Sleepy Hollow," Henry impregnated his mother, Katrina the Useless Witch, with a Moloch-spider. I wonder what sort of trouble she'll get into this week. Let's do this.

Oh the insidious nature of daytime TV but it does force Crane and Katrina to address the secret elephant in the room - trust. Or lack thereof. You know Katrina, for someone who wants to earn back her husband's trust, you could try to be a little more sincere. While you two have been dancing around the relationship issues, Abbie's been busy tracking Henry who seems to have taken up pottery and organ collection. He's turned over a new leaf? Nah, just raised a succubus who likes nightclubs and nerds. Poor guy. Crane still wants to try to redeem Henry who doesn't seem to want to be redeemed but never mind that - father knows best.

Abraham and Henry enjoy a nice cuppa when the succubus returns and vomits out the soul into a chamber. Jeebus, Henry, you dismiss her without putting her back? Well that's just sloppy. What's this? Katrina is being semi-useful in identifying the cause of death but oh. Oh dear. She just had a fainting spell. Can you make me some quince tea dear? Abraham always had it around and it did calm my nerves. Sorry Leftenant, you are on your own with this one; I must attend to my untrustworthy wife. Where does she go? Hawley (again) who gets shot down (again) and butthurt (again.) No one is having a very good night here.

What is the connection? The victims were up all night to get lucky. 'Lucky?' You know, getting it on, or macking. Congratulations Crane, you made it to the mid-90s. Katrina has a brainwave on how to find the succubus - yes, oh useless one; use your witchy powers for once. And...oh crap. She's got Hawley. To the harbor! Where instead of having a threesome with the Mills sisters, he ends up getting his ass kicked by Hell-Loki. He's saved by Crane and this might be the start of a beautiful bromance. Leftenant, I no longer find Hawley to be as odious as I once did. You have my blessing to see him socially. Er, thanks? But Jenny might not be so jazzed about it.

Katrina has a nightmare vision of a baby and purgatory, feeling like part of her is elsewhere. Well Katrina, that may be because Henry is busy cooking a demonic test tube baby with the essences stolen by the succubus. Henry's an ass but I gotta give him mad props for tenacity. Okay everyone, time for the 'Is Henry An Evil Butthead' throwdown. One vote for yes, one vote for no; Crane you hold the tiebreaker. Ladies, please, the enemy is out there. Out there! Though you know part of him wants to run away and hide out with Hawley for a few days til they work through their differences. What do we know? Another name for the succubus is Incordata and its heart is stored outside its body. You kill the heart, you can kill the body. But where to look? I don't know...Walmart? Or a consecrated cemetery. Yeah, that'll do it. Abbie gets the first hit so it's Technology - 1, Mystical Texts - 0.

Hawley and Crane go bar hopping to contain the succubus and Crane breaks the bro code by asking Hawley's intentions towards the Leftenant. Meanwhile, Katrina and Abbie go on cemetery duty. This is awkward but to be fair they're far more mature about it then Hawley and Crane. With the succubus spotted, Crane follows her and geez man, who taught you to clear a room?! FFS son, Check. Your. Six! Abbie and Katrina find the heart's urn which is armed with a perception spell to make you see you worst fears. (For the record, mine is spiders. Here Moloch, the world is yours. Sorry gang.) Abbie did the hard work of retrieving the heart; Katrina, think you can handle the disintegration spell? Try not to faint or anything.

Cornered in the basement with Crane, the succubus feels the doubt in his heart but doubt over whom? Keep her distracted, the ladies are working on the heart; we've got steam. We've got steam! Crane gets a bit stab-happy there which rebounds on Katrina, knocking her out. Drink. Dammit woman, you had one job! Hawley catches up and they try to keep the succubus at bay until the spell is complete. But how, with Katrina useless again? Step off y'all, the Leftenant's got this.The heart destroyed, the succubus is banished. Now let's hug it out. Abbie offers the olive branch to Katrina who seems to reluctantly realize that Henry's evil must be stopped. And she can best help by returning to Abraham as he's such a sucker still in love with her. She can be close to the baby Moloch, able to destroy him before the Terrible Twos end the world. Or be a built-in babysitter. Could go either way. So Abbie, can you be a dear and tell Ichabod for me? Thanks!  Charged with this happy task, Abbie finds Hawley and helps bind up his injuries. Here, for your trouble, have a succubus heart. Happy Valentine's Day. Crane accepts the news stoically because really, was he ever able to influence Katrina's actions?

Abraham is overjoyed at having Katrina returned to him and gloats as such to Henry who doesn't seem that put out and in fact, lets her near the cradle of baby Moloch. Don't look Katrina! You'll be captured by the cutene-ah hell. Too late.

Next week we find out what happened to Mama Mills and the return of Jenny!  It's about damn time. Tune in Monday at 9 p.m ET on Fox for "Mama."