BY LARISSA MRYKALO
Orphans and bastards and reunions, OH MY!
This third season of Game of Thrones flew by faster than a three-eyed raven. The final episode, “Mhysa” which means “mother” in Ghiscari, seemed a little dull for a season finale but ended in triumph and hope.
After last week’s blood bath, it was like the producers were being kind and tried to wrap things up in a nice bow for us until Season Four (which starts filming in July). A Storm of Swords is a huge book so more than one season is necessary to cover all that it holds. So hold tight, grab your dragonglass and let’s try to break down this mother...
A Wolf in Robb’s Clothing
Stark traitor Roose Bolton looks down on the slaughter of the Stark men but that’s not the most horrific sight. The Frey men start to chant “The King in the North” and the body of Robb Stark -- with his direwolf Grey Wind’s head sewn on it -- is trotted out in mocking fashion. Arya spies her dead brother in this horrible position and it’s heartbreaking.
The Hound grabs Arya and a Frey flag and flees the horrible scene. While in the forest, they encounter Frey men around a fire and overhear them discussing the deaths of Robb and Catelyn. One man brags that it was he who sewed the wolf’s head on and how it was a struggle. Arya goes up to the men and asks to get warm by their fire and even offers them her valuable coin. This was the coin Jaqen H’ghar gave her at the end of the last season. Valar Morghulis!
The men tell her to f**k off but she persists. She drops the coin and when the man tries to retrieve it, she brutally stabs him in his back. The Hound comes to her rescue and kills the rest. This was Arya’s first kill. She is becoming much darker and harder, and we don’t know whether to feel sad or cheer.
Earlier, Roose Bolton had a nice chat with Walder Frey about how aligning with the Lannisters has proved to be quite beneficial for them. Frey has been laughed at quite a bit and he’s feeling pretty proud of himself now even though Blackfish Tully has escaped. Edmure is in a dungeon and Walder Frey needs a new wife. Good times!
Roose Bolton was pissed that Robb kept ignoring his “voice at every turn.” Frey mentions that Bolton is now The Warden of the North. He then tells the tale of how he sent his bastard son, Ramsay Snow to capture Theon Greyjoy after Winterfell was destroyed. Oh! So that’s who the psychotic sadistic Boy is?
(sorry “Dick in a Box” was too easy)
Oh that Ramsay Snow loves him some sausage. Theon is now missing his favorite toy and Ramsay mocks him by eating a large sausage link in front of him. He even asks him if he has “Phantom Cock Syndrome.” This may or may not be on Web MD. Just when you think Joffrey is the scariest person in the land, along comes this truly sick boy. He lacks all remorse and enjoys torture. It’s disturbing but admit it, you want to see more of him in the next season, right?
Theon begs for death but Ramsay says that he’s of no use to him dead. As if Theon’s suffering isn’t enough, Ramsay gives him a new derogatory name based on his stinking meat status, Reek. Theon only says his new name after he is beaten to the point of losing his breath. “Reek, my name is Reek.”
Word and evidence of Theon’s plight arrives to Balon and Yara Greyjoy in Pyke. Ramsay promises in his letter, “Leave the North now or more boxes will follow with more Theon.” Balon is unsympathetic towards his son since he can no longer provide heirs because he’s technically not even a man ... based on his penis arriving in a box.
Yara wants to save her brother. “He’s a Greyjoy!” Family loyalty is a permeating theme throughout this episode. She vows to get a big boat and lots of strong men and go rescue Theon, I mean, Reek. Wait, is this in the book?
Family Fun in King’s Landing
It looks like Tyrion and Sansa are getting along quite nicely. Tyrion makes a mental list of all who have laughed at him in order to eventually make their lives miserable. Sansa digs this and offers a suggestion of a prank she learned from Arya. Sew some sheep poop into their mattress and their room will get all stinky. Those Stark orphans are so clever! Shae follows closely.
Girls giggle as Podrick the Stud appears to tell Tyrion he is wanted in a Small Counsel meeting. Jolly Joffrey is positively crapping himself with the news of Catelyn and Robb Stark’s death and he plans on serving his head to Sansa at his wedding. Tyrion sticks up for his wife and informs Joffrey that she is no longer his to torment. Oh yeah? Well, “I’m the king!” “Everyone is mine to torment!” Tyrion reminds him that kings are dying like flies and Joff wants to cut off Tyrion’s tongue for disparaging him.
Tywin shoots down Joffrey for always having to proclaim being a king. Joff mocks his grandfather for being cowardly at Casterly Rock while his father, Robert, won the war against the Targaryens. Tywin sends Joff to bed without any supper. It’s hilarious, especially as his mommy leads him off while he yells, “I’m not tired!”
All are dismissed except for Tyrion. Tywin reveals that he gave Frey all the assurances to carry out the deaths of the Starks. Tyrion is appalled that he made it happen at a wedding but Tywin reminds him that not only is this war, but it was to protect their family. Tyrion then says the prophetic and iconic line, “The Northerners will never forget.”
Tywin reveals Roose Bolton’s position as Warden of the North until Tyrion and Sansa’s son comes of age. This is a reminder that Tyrion needs to impregnate his new bride but Tyrion refuses to rape her. The family theme presents again as Tywin tells Tyrion how he sacrificed for his family when he didn’t drown Tyrion as a baby...which is what he wanted to do. Seriously, Tyrion needs a hug. Sansa heard all of this meeting. She’s obviously upset at all this news.
Varys the spy pays Tyrion’s lover Shae a visit and offers her diamonds. He knows about their relationship and urges her to take the jewels and sail far away to start a new life. She is a distraction to Tyrion who could very well make this world a better place in which to live. Her presence here is dangerous but she throws the bag at him and refuses. She assumes this request has come from Tyrion and she says that if he wants her to leave, he could tell her himself.
Cersei interrupts a fun drinking session that Tyrion and Pod are having. She wants to talk to Tyrion about getting Sansa pregnant and I guess to brag about the fact that she’s not going to be forced to marry Loras Tyrell. She urges Tyrion to give Sansa a child so she could be happy. “You have children, how happy are you?” Cersei says the obvious, that she’s not very happy but her children have kept her from killing herself.
Cersei’s reminiscing about Joffrey as a baby was sweet, I guess? He was a beautiful and jolly baby and gave her the feeling of having something of her very own. Even Joffrey can’t take this away from her.
Cersei gets a big surprise at the end. Jaime Lannister and Brienne finally arrive in King’s Landing. Jaime appears at Cersei’s door as she is studying freaky-looking seashells. She turns and looks at him in great disbelief and notices his missing hand. I don’t know, I got all romantically giddy here for a split second ... like “Go to her! Kiss her!” Then I was all ... ummm no, they’re siblings. Damn it!
Reunions Around The Wall
Meera and Jojen Reed as well as Hodor and Bran have taken refuge for the night in an empty Night’s Watch castle. Hodor likes to yell his name into an empty well and ya know what, it’s all good. A fun little ghost story about a cook who gets turned into a giant hungry white rat is told and then we hear eerie noises. Is it the Rat Cook? Nope, close though. It’s Sam and Gilly and her noisy baby.
Sam recognizes Bran as Jon Snow’s brother but Bran dismisses his identity at first out of safety concerns. Sam owes his life to Jon and wants the gang to come with them to Castle Black. It’s the safest location for them. Bran refuses and wants to go North of the Wall. Why? Bran will be able to stop the White Walkers? He better have lots of dragonglass. Jojen Reed is confident in Bran’s abilities to stop the walkers so they head off into the snowy night.
Poor Jon Snow and his clawed up face! He’s washing his wounds in a stream and encounters a jilted and super pissed Ygritte. Jon is confident that she won’t hurt him but she reminds him again, “You know nothing, Jon Snow.” Wrong! She ends up shooting him in the back. What?! After two more shots, he manages to ride off and escape. She is in tears. Jon ends up making it to Castle Black and is reunited with Sam who has made it there with Gilly and her baby, named “Sam.” Jon is taken inside, barely alive. Will he survive? We can’t lose another Stark!
Davos and Gendry have a bonding moment about their poor upbringing in Flea Bottom. Due to the loss of Davos’s son, Mathos, he has taken Gendry under his wing, and he really is just an all around nice guy. Right? Gendry just feels defeated and reveals that he succumbed to Melisandre’s charms because she spoke big words and had no clothes on. Poor guy lost his virginity to the Red Woman! Davos then tells of how he became a Lord for the sake of his son.
Later, Davos is reading the raven-delivered letters while Stannis’s daughter looks on. She tells him that her books are far more interesting. He comes upon Sam Tarly’s letter that he was told by Aemon to send from Castle Black. It was a White Walker warning. Ringing bells indicating a possible attack send him running to Stannis.
The news of the Red Wedding has reached Dragonstone. Stannis is convinced that because Melisandre threw the Gendry-blood-soaked leech into the fire after saying Robb’s name, caused his death. Tywin would beg to differ. Davos thinks this magic is bull and when Melisandre wants to reward her fire god with sacrificing Gendry, Davos tries to convince otherwise. Stannis agrees with Melisandre because hey, what’s one bastard’s life versus thousands?
Davos puts his life on the line and rescues Gendry. He gives him a boat and shoves him off into the night. He admits to Stannis and Melisandre that he rescued Gendry and he is then sentenced to death. He pleads that he is needed and reveals Sam’s message about the war. Melisandre torches the note and sees that “The true war lies in the north.” She agrees that Davos is needed to help Stannis fight and win this war. Phew!
Mhysa in the Mosh Pit
Will the Yunkai slaves accept Dany as their queen? Dany stands at the gates of the city with Ser Barristan, Jorah, Missandei and Daario. They wait. The gates open and the slaves emerge. She is introduced to them but then tells them that their freedom belongs to THEM and that they are capable of taking it back.
Apparently, they like this and start to chant “Mhysa!” She walks into the crowd as Jorah watches very concerned. The dragons fly and she is lifted triumphantly above their heads. Dany has accumulated quite the army, hasn’t she?
Next season proves to be just as amazing as this one. What are your thoughts about Season Three? What were some of your favorite and least favorite moments? Did you like the finale? We’ll keep you posted throughout the year about the next season which will most likely air at the end of March or the beginning of April.