A Mountain, a tunnel, pie, a satisfied queen, another weird bath time chat and castles in the snow. This "Game of Thrones" episode just flew by, didn't it? Let's step away from the Moon Door and break this down...
Mockingbirds are symbolic of many things but often represent innocence as well as good versus evil. Tyrion is an innocent man who put himself in quite a predicament when he demanded a trial by combat. Jaime is not pleased with his brother's little speech but Tyrion knew that his daddy would have gotten what he wanted by shipping him out of sight to Castle Black. Jaime won't be able to assist Tyrion in his battle either thanks to his hand...or lack thereof. Jaime is also concerned about Cersei's choice of opponent, The Mountain.
Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane is the big and nasty brother of the Hound. The Mountain burned his brother mercilessly and has grown up to be quite the vicious killer. He happened to murder Prince Oberyn's sister and her children too, remember? Tyrion learns of his opponent and assumes that his loyal friend, Bronn will fight for him. Wrong! Bronn is engaged to be married and if he plays his cards right, he'll get a nice chunk of his new bride's wealth. He likes himself more than Tyrion so he passes on the offer. Oh and Cersei arranged this marriage so well played, bitchy-poo. Unfortunately, Tyrion is SOL...for now.
Prince Oberyn pays Tyrion a visit and relays how Cersei approached him regarding her daughter. Oberyn knew what she was up to because he remembers what a horrible person she has always been. He tells Tyrion the heartbreaking story of when he first met him as a baby. Tyrion was basically a legendary monster and when Oberyn and his sister were visiting Casterly Rock, they begged Cersei and Jaime to show them this monstrous freak of a brother they had. Oberyn was unimpressed but remembers how vile Cersei was and how she treated her baby brother who killed their mother. Oberyn understands the need for justice and steps up to the plate to fight the Mountain for innocent Tyrion, "I will be your champion." Tyrion gasps with relief. So do we.
The Hound is still hell bent on getting Arya to her aunt's place to collect that ransom but it's starting to take its toll on him. They come upon a small home that could either mean food or soldiers. A wounded man is there, I suppose, to give Arya a lesson on why we should go on and that "nothing is just nothing." The Hound puts him out of his misery but then gets bitten in an attack. He promptly murders the man and learns that there's a price on his head for murdering five Lannister men. Arya recognizes one of the men as one of Yoren's prisoners who said some nasty stuff to her. She kills him without batting an eye. Oh Arya, you're growing up right before our eyes.
Later when the Hound is trying to dress the nasty bite would he received, Arya offers to help. He refuses since it involves fire and he's terrified, thanks to his brother. We learn that the Mountain burned his brother merely for playing with one of his toys and worse yet, his father protected him and the terrible deed. So when you think you've had a rotten childhood, just think of the Hound. He's pretty much had it with this journey and can you blame him? At least he let Arya dress his wound.
It's Hot Pie! And he makes a kick ass kidney pie and really wants you to know all about it. Shut up, Hot Pie. Shut. Up. Pod and Brienne are on a pit stop during their search for Sansa Stark and Brienne has no problem divulging their mission to the chef. Hot Pie hasn't seen Sansa but he knows Arya. Ding ding ding!
Pod advises Brienne to maybe not be telling people what they're up to because they might die. Hot Pie then runs out to give them some wolf bread for Arya and tells them of his association with Arya and what occurred. This leads Pod (who was well-schooled by Tyrion) to the revelation that Sansa may be with her Aunt Lysa in the Vale. Brienne is like, see, aren't you glad I spilled the beans about our secret mission?
To Seal or Not to Seal, That is the Question
Jon Snow and his men return to Castle Black after their victory mission at Craster's Keep. Ser Allister doesn't seem to like that they brought Ghost back and he's really showing what a dick he is again. A council meeting is held and Jon is highly concerned about Mance's advancing on the Castle. Jon suggests "sealing the tunnel" to keep them and their multitudes of men, including giants, out of their fortress. Allister will have none of this because it basically seals them in and prevent them from performing their sworn duties. Jon and Sam Tarly are punished for this suggestion by having to perform night duties atop the Wall until the full moon. I guess "performing night duties" in Castle Black has a different meaning than in say, Meereen?
Daario the Talented
Daario has two talents: war and women. He also left out sneaking into women's private quarters through a window carrying a bouquet of wildflowers. We gals sure do love wildflowers and surprise visits. Daenerys isn't too pleased even though he "lives to serve" her. He wants her, so she does what any self-respecting woman would do, pours some wine and demands that the hunk strip. But which talent does she actually want him for?
We learn later through a meeting with jealous Jorah that she is going to employ his talents and have him assist the Second Sons in executing the masters in Yunkai. Jorah relays that he too once "employed" slaves and that if he were executed, he wouldn't be able to be helping her today. He also mentions how slaves only know brutality and need to be taught civil ways. The man who pleaded for his father's burial will help with that. They will live in her new world or die in their old one. I really just hope Dany got more from Daario than this mission. She needs it.
Vials of Lies
Oh hey there Melisandre, nice floaties and I really don't mind you screwed my husband and sure I'll get you the blue vial so you can enjoy your tubby time. Selyse Baratheon is schooled on lies by being told more lies by Melisandre. She is oddly grateful to Melisandre for coming into their lives and she wants her advice on taking her and Stannis' heretical daughter, Shireen, with them on their journey. Melisandre says that they must take her because the Lord of Light demands it. Methinks Shireen's facial affliction is about to become the least of her worries.
Sansa looks happy for half a second when she saw the familiar snow falling. We're reminded that she's still just a child when she starts to build her beloved Winterfell in the fresh snow. But then, that wretched Robin flies in and gets super weird and creepy as usual. Does Winterfell have a Moon Door? It needs a Moon Door! Let's add a Moon Door! Asshole. He ruins her castle and Sansa gets a bit too upset. Robin destroys her memory and she slaps him. He runs off and she realizes that she's pretty screwed. Petyr sees the incident and defends Sansa saying his mother should have slapped him.
Then it gets even creepier but Petyr always gives good speech. Sansa asks why he really killed Joffrey and it's all about the "L" word. Love is why and since Joffrey hurt the only woman he ever loved, he exacted his revenge. And if love actually prevailed in their world, Sansa may have been his child. He calls her more beautiful than her mother ever was and kisses her. We all cringe. You better have cringed. Lysa sees this and we cringe yet again.
Sansa is summoned by Lysa who is looking out the Moon Door. Yeah, no good could come of this. Lysa gives an anatomy lesson on what happens when someone lands after being thrown out the Moon Door. She's insane. Sansa assumes she was beckoned because she slapped Robin but it's the kiss. Lysa goes into a jealous rage and we assume Sansa will fly like a little birdie. Petyr intervenes and Lysa eventually listens to her husband and spares Sansa. He rushes to his wife and instead of comforting her reminds her, "My sweet silly jealous wife, I've only loved one woman, I promise you..." Nope not you sweetheart. He murders his wife with one push and now Sansa needs to brace herself for more Littlefinger.
We need to take a break next Sunday but meet me back here on June 1 at 9 p.m. ET on HBO for "The Mountain and The Viper." Here's a sneak peek...