Monday, September 29, 2014

'The Strain' Recap: 'Last Rites'

Courtesy FX

Only more more week left in this season, Strainiacs! Last week Eph, Nora, Vas, and Abe chased the rats into their lair while Zack went after contraband cigarettes for Mrs. Martinez confirming that no one makes good decisions. Let's do this.

At the Stoneheart Group, Palmer's not having a good day and Eichhorst is gloating. But he has faith in the Master dammit, he made a promise! So close to your goal Eldritch and now you can't see the forest for the trees anymore. Also: you're an idiot if you think The Master will turn you. The almost-conquering heroes return to the pawn shop where Zack basically says thanks for leaving me with the crazy old lady all day dad. Abe's about ready to turn this temper tantrum up to eleven but first, he needs to commune with his pet heart.

Flashback! A young Abe asks for information about a German or odd disappearances in an Albanian village. He's tracked the strigoi there and is *this close* to his goal of confronting The Master and thus ending the scourge. Along for the hunt is his wife Miriam. We're close honey, I can sense it. The six-fingered man will pay for his crimes. Sorry, wrong movie. Anyways dear, I'll be back by sundown.

Back in the present, Abe is still wallowing. Boring. Let's check in with Gus. What've you been up to man? Oh, carjacking rival gang member Alfonso Creem of the silver grill? Okay then. Moving on. We need a new plan. Does anyone have a plan that doesn't involve the four of us fighting a thousand vampires? No one? Ah, Dutch, the prodigal hacker returns to the delight of Vasiliy with a plan, nay, a win and I throw up a little in my mouth. Stand back guys, she's doing Computer Science! She can broadcast your message across all media; you'll have about 40 seconds to get the message across. Rouse the rabble. Get the story out there! That's your win? You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Creem drives, Gus waves a gun and they chat. Still not interesting. Say, it's time for a flashback! Young Abe heads way out to the country to a creepy, abandoned old castle; oh look, a well. Let me just climb down there and see what there is to see and slay. The strigoi he finds though taunts him about being far from home. Abe runs back to the well but the rope is gone because of course it is. What is there is Eichhorst who taunts him a second time before heading out into the night. Three guesses where he's headed and the first two don't count. Game: Eichhorst.

Setting up the broadcast equipment, Vas and Dutch flirt and I want to kick something. The twittersphere is referring to her as 'Ke$ha' and they're not wrong. She specializes in passionate, destructive relationships which going by her eyeliner was a given. To complete the whole uncomfortably awkward theme for the evening, Mrs. Martinez gives Eph a pep talk before his big speech which is mostly: Nora's better. Thanks, mom.

Gus and Creem head to Creem's secret lair of...shipping containers. Now, Creem, gimme your weapons. Oh snap, Creem's getting paid to ship suspicious containers. But enough of that, we are go for broadcast and Abe ends his silent treatment; he's dedicated his life to hunting The Master and feels that he may have missed his chance and he's really sorry for acting like a spoiled brat. And with that, Abe reclaims his status as the only adult in the room.

Flashback! Abe slowly climbs up out of the old well with his broken and gnarled hands. It's daylight when he finally gets out and he's more than late. Miriam is going to kill him. Now to ride home. That will be difficult when your horse has been Tauntauned. Cross-country running it is. He arrives home to find his worst fears have been confirmed: Miriam is missing. Ah, hubris.

Dr. Goodweather, are you ready for your closeup? We've got a connection so Eph, talk faster, you only have a short time so don't dwell on specifics. And too late. Why would you send a doctor to do an important piece like that? And why didn't anyone time his speech? Jeebus Nora, you did do debate after all; your mother told us all about it. Speaking of Mom, Bolivar entered the shop and in trying to get to Zack, got Mrs Martinez instead. We're overrun! To the basement! Really? Did none of you think that they could, I don't know, trace the signal?

The Master sent his 'A' squad for this mission but they are stymied by the complexities of the secret entrance. Y'all have gotta release Mrs. Martinez and fast before she rises. Gus and Creem go investigate other shipping containers and whaddya know? They're full of vamps. I wonder, does Customs charge extra for undead cargo? No matter. The boys are in a tight spot when Vamp Hit Squad arrives. Mr. Quinlan! We've been missing you sir. What's that? You'll be needing Gus? Right you are sir. I'll just be on my way then.

Folks, they aren't giving up upstairs so perhaps try taking only what you need to survive and Nora, that does not include your mother. I'm sorry dear but we'll have to release her. Eph for once is a gentleman and offers to do it for her but no, she mans up and takes the sword herself. Uh guys, I know this is hard and all but you have a small army of vamps upstairs who will break through the defenses any second so please to be hurrying. Watching Nora struggle with having to release her mother, Abe flashes back to the night Miriam returned to him with two children in tow, creating the family she could never have in life. Nora pulls it together long enough to release her mother. Well done Nora; now, to the meatlocker with you. Because Eichhorst is an asshole for all eternity, he continues to taunt Abe that he's coming for him. Such a charming fellow.

Flashback! Abe cuts out dead Miriam's heart and keeps it, transporting it across the globe as he pursued that which took so much from him. Finally though, he says good-bye to her and gets out just as the vamps break through. Strangely, Eichhorst is not all that put out at finding them escaped; he seems to relish the hunt even more now that Abe has abandoned all that he loves.

The great blackness is nigh when The Master visits Palmer who whines that he kept the faith and please please please save me! The Master obliges with a few drops of blood sans worms. Honestly I was expecting him to rip off Palmer's head. Oh well, maybe another time. Mr. Fitzwilliams returns  to the room to find Palmer's bed empty and spies his boss laughing in the rain. Hanging with the hacker suddenly sounds like a much better idea, doesn't it Fitz?

Can you believe that next week is the season finale? After a slow start, things have really picked up steam and next week looks to be a doozy with Palmer being an ungrateful wretch and the hunters becoming the hunted. Tune in to "The Strain" next Sunday, October 5 at 10 pm ET on FX for the season finale, "The Master."