Monday, September 22, 2014

'The Strain' Recap: 'The Third Rail'

Courtesy FX

Last week on "The Strain," Kelly joined Matt in Undeath 'til they do part. Alas, they were parted. Poor Matt, he couldn't catch a break in life or undeath. Dutch headed out on her own and Abe has had it with all of them. Let's do this.

In the basement of the Pawnshop of Horrors, it's model building time. Trying to rig up a UV light bomb to take out The Master is proving difficult but Vasiliy might have solved the strobing problem with the addition of a fog machine. Even the undead like to party you know.  Upstairs, Mama Martinez is freaking out so Nora has two crazy people to deal with, only one of which she's fairly certain loves her.

Gus! The guy has had a really, really rough night but it ain't over yet hon. Returning home, he finds brother Crispin turned and as useless in undeath as he was in life if how glued he was to the TV is any indication. Gus is all, hell no! Im'ma take out all my rage on your sorry vampire ass. Now, where's Mom?

Nora still cannot accept what's going on but Eph has converted whole-heartedly to the belief that killing The Master will turn everything back to normal. Uh, sort of. You need to pay more attention in class Eph. It's slaying time so Nora, you stay here. Eph, have you just met her or something? Wait, I got it! Let's leave my son here alone with your mother who is past the beginning stages of dementia. What could possibly go wrong? Now Zack, be a good boy and hide in the basement until I get back. The rest of you, to the Unmarked Bread Truck of Destiny!

Zack and Mama hang out in the basement, you know, where Abe keeps all his weapons. But Mama is out of cigarettes the woman needs her fix! And a Xanax or three but that's a different discussion. Sorry, Zack, looks like you got stuck with the hard job here. Still in his natty prison jumpsuit, Gus searches for his mom. Let's see, Crispin's turned, Mom's not at work...c'mon Gus it's not hard. Put the pieces together now...and finds her in the closet. He can't bring himself to release her. Not yet. Back at the shop, Mama Martinez escaped to the  gate and wails most piteously that she's out of cigarettes. To shut her up, Zack finally says Fine! I'll got get your damn cigarettes. And this is how we know he's Eph's son because terrible decision making is hard-wired into their DNA. Also, really Zack? Who's going to sell cigarettes to a kid?

Hunting party, your subway tunnel is available. Damn, the rave started without them. So, this is the opposite of fun but they did discover where all the lost electronics go to die. Maybe in the next tunnel they'll find the missing sock dimension. No socks but they do find the secret passage to the vampire slumber party but it's cool - they're in sleep mode. Time to run silent guys but Eph goes haring off in search of Kelly. Jeebus, man. Focus!

Gus's mama came out of the closet for him but he couldn't kill her. Instead, he grabbed the fire ax and gets ready to to fight his way out of the apartment building. Oh look, here's the landlord. You here for the rent puto? Well I'm about to pay up! Ice. Cold. In the tunnels, Vasiliy gives history lessons and sightseeing tours and uh oh, train's here. Guess you don't know everything Vas. Eph's taking it personally so Bro fight! Break it up boys, we've got company. One question though: how exactly do they plan on getting back out?

Zack gets to the store but the shelves are empty and the clerk is down. Looters come in and Zack goes to hide in what turns out to be a vamp's lair. Well done there Zack. Trying to get out, he drops Kelly's phone so of course must go after it and during that time, the vamp vanishes. Get out of there kid! Must go faster, must go faster...and runs straight into one of the looters who takes the stinger for the team. Thanks random unlucky guy! But wait! Salvation is nigh in the form of Vigilante Gus and his Mighty Fire Ax. He gets the cigarettes though so the trip wasn't a total loss.

Abe, Vas, Eph and Nora are still creeping in the tunnels looking for the main nest. They have only one UV light bomb so they need to make it count. Eph spies a hole in the wall and is through it like Walter Payton through the D-line. Uh, Eph, there's no room to swing your sword there tough guy plus, you know, Zack and the whole 'only having one parent left' thing. Holy Christmas, stealth is not his strong suit. Fantastic, now the forces of evil are closing in so get in the hole guys, I don't care what you smell in there!

Eph 'hears' Kelly's voice so of course he abandons Abe who needs some helping getting out of the hole. Dammit Eph, Abe needs help, Vas gets stuck and you're off traipsing through the underground with no plan and no back up. I thought you were smart dude. But wait, the box! You should totally open it right now. Oh good, you listened. And look! The rest of the vamp army is here to greet you but this defeat will be presided over by none other than The Master himself who manhandles Eph and then taunts him. Not cool bro. Sorry strigoi, when you look like a demented garden gnome, it's kind of hard to take your plot to overthrow the world seriously. Anyway, Abe finally gets to The Master but before he can swing his singing sword, he's stopped by an invisible force. Vasiliy takes the opportunity to light up the bomb, decimating the ranks but The Master escaped. The good news is we went one-for-two in missions today; Zack got the cigarettes at least. Whew! I for one was quite worried about that.

Abe lays into Eph who whined that The Master tricked him. Of course he tricked you dumbass! He's The Master, not The Sort of Talented!  And now you chased him away and he's gone and it's all your fault! But in the meantime, Im'ma beat the hell out of the this box. Now. Follow me. The Master is here somewhere, we must finish this. Regrouping is for sissies; we might never get this chance again. Abe is crazed with thwarted purpose and Vasiliy recommends caution. He throws a flare into another hidey-hole revealing Nest Number 2 and Abe wants to attack immediately. Um, Abe, you don't have the fire power to do this. Not right now.

Next week: Gus goes on the recruiting trail,  Mr. Quinlan's back with the ninja vamps and Abe is single-mindedly focused on getting The Master while Eichhorst is single-mindedly fixated on torments for Abe. Only two episodes left this season so tune in next Sunday at 10 p.m. ET on FX for "Last Rites."