'True Blood' recap: Timebomb


Nothing like 7 a.m. the morning after, stretching and wiping the True Blood out of my eyes. After last week, where we got to see the vamp-in-the-basement unveil, Daphne’s demise and Jason’s (sort of) shooting, I thought for sure this week couldn’t top it. Of course, I was dead wrong. Thank God(ric) for that.

FOTS

Oh, you cunning True Blood writers. How like you to tease us with Eric’s back story, showing two of the sickest kills on True Blood, delivered by Godric, and then introduce us to Godric, and have him be the most reasonable, forgiving, fair, vertically challenged, baby-faced, divine creature we’ve met. And putting “God” in his name? Touché. The image of him swathed in white, high above the FOTS pulpit, preaching to the warring fractions? Well done. It perfectly juxtaposed the image of Steve Newlin creepily doing the same thing on the ground to his minions.

So how’d Godric get there? It looked like he just strolled right on out of his jail. The reunion between he and Eric was touching—Eric does submissive well (although that leather getup was anything but), but more interesting was Godric’s lack of hostility toward his captors and that weird interaction between Gabe and Godric, “Godric, it’s me,” before Gabe bit the big one. Was he friendly with his captors? Was he ever really imprisoned? There is more of this story dying to be told.

Eric, doing everything but dashing in on a white horse with blonde tresses flowing (pre-Felicity haircut, obvi) hurries Sookie to safety. I have to admit—Eric is a cool cat. He’s clever, intense, mysterious, looks fly in a tank top and has a way with words. I loved the exchange between he and Sookie when she tells him he has a lot of love for Godric: “Don’t use words I don’t understand.” Oh, Eric. You well understand them. That impassioned “Trust me” whispered in Sookie’s ears was hawt. Admit it, people.

Eric’s “aww shucks I’m human and, dang, forgot my stake” was hilarious. Shhh. Do you hear that? It’s my heart warming to E-rock. Crap.

While a showdown is brewing inside the church, Jason is driving around the forest trying to figure out what the hell some dude named Judas did to Sarah Newlin, and why the hell he deserved to get a paint ball to the nether regions because of it. Those Stackhouses are fiercely loyal—As soon as Sarah spills the beans about Sookie, Jason throws her on her big-hair, gold-lamé a**, highjacks her ride, hoists his paint ball gun to the Heavens and makes as manly an exit as one can in a golf cart.

Meanwhile, Bill, still held hostage, gets his Get Out of Jail Free card, but not before Lorena gets a taste of our missing telepathic ex-bellhop. As Lorena is pondering “What are you?” Bill takes a moment to discreetly smash her over the head with a 52” plasma TV. (Would have been a great moment for product placement.) With Lorena tore up from the floor up, Bill absconds with the bellhop. He bursts in to find Jessica losing it with Hoyt. Bill, as mortified as J, tells Hoyt to get her back to Bon Temp, post haste. Daddy Bill is cute.

At the church, things are about to jump off. As Eric, oozing flesh and smoking, or whatever it is that vamps do when silver is enmeshed in their skin, is laid out in sacrament, in comes a screeching, harried, all fanged out Bill, bellowing “Sookie,” natch. Eric is right—Billy boy is totally irrational when it comes to Sookie. I was a little annoyed with Compton. A little tact never hurt anyone. Feel free to save your girl, but, geez, can you do it with just a tad of artistic finesse?

Next, Stan (A vampire in cowboy boots. Gets me every time.) strides in with a motley crew to throw down against the humans, and Pastor Newlin readies his troops for battle. It looks dire. But in swoops Godric.

He orders the vamps to free the humans, and asks the humans to check their faith in Newlin. Godric’s wish? To coexist. To not shed blood. To be the MLK of vampires: “If we leave you in peace, will you do the same?” Newlin is all, Not! “I will not negotiate with subhumans,” he says, telling Godric to kill him because “Jesus will save my soul.” Godric responds, “I’m older than your Jesus. I wish I could have met him, but I missed him.” Burnnnnn!

Jason shoots Newlin in the forehead with a paint ball gun, and as Godric says that his faith in human kind is stronger than Newlin’s, the war is …. over? Just like that? Oh, snap. Hold up. What about all those weapons in Newlin’s closet? This war has been brewing for ages. I have trouble believing this is finito, especially considering this. The queen don’t come out for nothing, y’all.

At the after party at Godric’s crib, Bill tries to explain to Sookie why he didn’t come for her—he was kidnapped. Sookie snarls at Eric for letting her walk into a trap, and he tries to wiggle out of it, claiming he didn’t know it would be that dangerous. Truth? I don’t anymore with him.

Bill pulls Eric in for an intense tête-à-tête in which he warns him to stay away from his girl. Right. That’s going to happen. We will all bear witness to McFangy vs. McFangier in the episodes to come. Here’s hoping it doesn’t turn too Rhimesian.

Godric anoints Jason with solid vampire juju, and Eric chastises him for buying V, which he swears he’s done with. He’s done a 180 when it comes to his vamp relations, even going so far as to offer an awkward man hug to Bill. Cut to mysterious footsteps: something wicked this way comes … but who?

Isabelle, forsaken by Hugo, brings him before Godric, who lets him go with the promise he’ll never return. Godric is a righteous, selfless leader who considers the evolution of his own race, citing its increasingly predatory nature, as a reason the FOTS began. But then—oh yeah, baby. What I was waiting for all week—Lorena vs. Sookie. I won’t show you what my notes say at the point Lorena strides in, but suffice it to say my mama wouldn’t be proud.

The exchange between them was awesome. Sookie is absolutely fearless—she didn’t step down, not a bit. She may be little, blonde and overflowing with Southern hospitality, but homegirl can throw down. The insults were fab, but I would have went straight for the jugular: Curly bangs, Lorena? Really?

When Lorena grips Sookie up and violently slams her onto the counter, I gasped and reversed it over and over again. There aren’t enough solid girl fights on True Blood. Godric laid down the law, banishing Lorena, and Sookie and her white-belted trench live to see another day. Or so we think. Those mysterious footsteps? Enter The Lukeinator. He delivers a message from Newlin: a bomb, laced in silver, tick-tocking it’s way to meltdown. Who’s going to diffuse this situation, dear readers?

BON TEMPS

While the party was heating up at Godric’s, Sam is in a freezer with a dead Daphne, missing heart and all. Summoned to Merlotte’s by a mystery phone call, he finds the body, tries to bag ‘er up, but is interrupted by the flashing lights of a squad car. The police point out the obvious: Daphne marks the second woman found at his bar missing a heart. Add that to the fact that the only guy in Sam’s corner is the bumbling Andy B—“A bull! A bull, in a dress, with claws!”—and Sam is hauled off to jail. (And although I should be concerned about Sam’s welfare, all I can think is how much I lust for his hair.)

At Sookie’s house (God, I can’t wait for Sookie to get home and lay some smack down on Maryann) Maryann is cooking up another case of crazy via sautéed veggies. Innocent, right? Then she unwraps the raw, bleeding heart (cue Leona Lewis) she brainwashed Eggs to carve out of Daphne’s chest and starts slicing. She cooks it up, and I look away for the first time in True Blood history.

Eggs and Tara are trying to piece together the last few days. Both of them are blacking out, and this time, Eggs feels like he did something wrong. Maryann pops her head in to entice them with some dinner: a “Hunter’s Soufflé.” Now here’s my beef: At the moment when they sit for dinner, Tara and Eggs are still under their own influence. So why in the name of Julia Child did Tara not react after she cut open the soufflé and blood began seeping out?

They begin a feeding frenzy. This time Maryann manifests violence, and Eggs and Tara go black-eyed and start beating the tar out of each other. Bless their little hearts.

At Casa Compton, Hoyt and Jessica are taking full advantage of a (creepy) empty manse. Hoyt has developed quite a swagger, and as he dances out of his clothes, Jessica is the opposite, almost ripping them to shreds. But as things start going down, Jessica asks him to stop, and is looking around like, “What’s going on down there?” Honest to blog, the first thing I thought was, “Alan Ball, if you’re doing some kind of Teeth thing, I’m not a fan,” but then after asking myself outloud “What grew back?” (and the “Ohhhh” that followed), I got it. Thanks to vampire hyper healing, she’ll always, ah, mend. “I’m a virgin for life,” she wails. Hoyt, smart guy, says it will be special every time, but Jessica is devastated. Her character is a hell of a good time, but I can’t help wondering when she’s going to snap. She’s a newborn. She’s supposed to be completely out of touch with her emotions. Where’s the crazy? I want the crazy!

Peer deep into your crystal balls: What is the first scene of next week’s epi? Does Sookie throw herself on Luke? Does Godric remedy the situation? Does Jason flaunt his newfound vamp allegiance and talk Luke out of it? Whatever it is, it better be good. A house full of charred vamps is not my idea of a fun Sunday night. — amy kates

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