Tuesday, March 5, 2013

'Being Human' recap: 'Your Body is a Condemned Wonderland'

Sally meats her dinner, courtesy Syfy

We open with a severe bacon shortage. The end is nigh! Josh turns off the dire newscast to catch Aidan trying to sneak out. Poor Aidan has been trying to avoid Nora after Erin's untimely demise. Aidan whisperingly wonders to Josh if Liam could possibly know that he killed Connor. Josh tries to reassure him that only he, Aidan and Nora know about that. And Nora would never tell Liam, right? Josh adorably promises to take Nora out for some Pinot and work his seductive magic to allow Aidan to sleep peacefully in his dank basement wonderland.

Ahh, I was wondering where the dead party girls went to. They are hanging out in the kitchen watching Josh try to find the bread knife. Really, who buys bread you have to cut, they wonder. Umm. I do. Anyway, Nora wanders in and catches them prattling on to the oblivious Josh. They gleefully spill to Nora that they are Aidan's "dinner guests." Nora is disgusted and further astonished when Josh tries to explain. Thankfully Nora disperses the bitches who unfortunately reset in Sally's room. Speaking of Sally, she is sporting a new hat to cover her rotting skull.

Back in the hospital, Nora and Aidan run into each other in the cafeteria. Aidan pulls her aside and asks her if they can at least try to get along for Josh's sake. When she brings up the dead girls hanging out in the house, he brings up Brynn. Nora is shocked that Josh told him, which he quickly denies. Josh would never do that, but Aidan knows the only way to leave a purebred is to kill her. With this mutual threat, Nora promises to be cordial until she finds out exactly what happened to Erin, then someone will pay.

Seeking a little sympathy, Sally pays Nick a visit to see if he has spots of rot too or if it's just her. He acts very nervous and basically kicks Sally out. Once she leaves he lifts his shirt and we get a look at his rotting stomach! Sexy. Not getting the validation she wanted, she heads off to work. At the funeral home where Sally watches Max apply embalming putty, i.e. spackle, to a dead guy. She's very curious about how it works. Can you say "Death Becomes Her"?

What! Nora and Josh are house hunting! Uh oh. Josh is getting all breathless and gaspy. He starts in on a sappy speech and then pulls out a ring. It's now Nora's turn to get all gaspy. He promises to take care of her until they are both in diapers. Apparently that seals the deal. She says yes and starts trying to rip his clothes off. Remind me to install cameras if I ever have an open house.

Remember Kat, Nora's friend Aidan asked out? Well, he tries to break things off because of the awkwardness with Nora. However, this resolution doesn't survive Kat's revelation that she likes to dress up as a tavern wench. He may be dead, but he's still a guy, you know.

After her class, they are flirting away, when Liam shows up and puts a dour dampness on things. He introduces himself as Connor's father, at which point Aidan gets rid of Kat fast. He also brought along a few henchman, you know, just to make a point. They end up with Aidan chained up in a basement. Liam has apparently already been hard at work on him. He accuses Aidan of killing Brynn, too. But Aidan doesn't give Nora up, even as Liam becomes more persuasive.

Max catches Sally stealing some embalming putty and goes a little ballistic thinking she's huffing formaldehyde. She tries to tell him the truth about having been a ghost. Like any moderately sane person, he thinks she's just manic depressive and needs medication. She then shows him the rotting spots on her head and he flips out a little and basically calls her a very articulate zombie. After which he promptly runs away.

After being blown off, Kat calls Josh looking for Aidan. Poor thing thinks he must have gambling debts or something. She tells Josh about the guy saying he was Connor's dad. This prompts Josh to hang up on her and call Nora. Thankfully Nora must know where Liam changes and Josh packs up his backpack and heads out to save his vampire friend. He drives up to some impressive looking gates and then impressively shoots the guard in the knee and stalks up the driveway.

Inside the basement, Liam has progressed to using a sledgehammer on poor Aidan. Really, you don't want to see. Aidan continues to deny knowing what happened to Brynn. One wonders if Nora will ever appreciate this. Liam tells him to take it to his grave. He then goes and pulls up some flu infected blood to inject into Aidan. Seeing this, Aidan breaks down and tells him he will tell him what happened to his daughter. It is at just this moment that Josh sneaks into the room and pauses, shocked -- only until Aidan grits out to Liam that he killed Brynn and she screamed like a little bitch.

Just as Liam rears back to hit him, Josh fires his little gun and hits Liam. Unfortunately, Liam is still able to stab Aidan with the dirty blood. Josh advances on him firing the whole time. Really, I was impressed. Once Liam is down, he picks up the sledgehammer and starts banging away at the chains holding Aidan.

Aidan starts screaming at him to leave due to Liam getting all wolfed up on the floor. Josh empties the rest of the bullets into Liam and they run up the stairs with the wolf on their heels. Josh quite heroically pushes Aidan through the door and turns back to stab Liam with a silver dagger. Only Liam gets a swipe in on Josh's arm as he tumbles down the stairs. As he starts charging back up to rip his throat out, Aidan pulls Josh through the door and slams it shut. It being a nice thick steel door, one hopes it will hold the lunatic for awhile. Of course, you know what this means right? Josh is scratched. He's going to get all wolfy again, right? Whatever will Nora think?

"I'm sorry I freaked out and treated you like a leper." Brilliant apology there, Max. He has apparently given it some thought, and has decided to reprise Bruce Willis' performance in Death Becomes Her. He's brought his mortician kit and is going to fix her up, because what other girl is going to want him. I don't know if this is sweet or really really creepy. I think I'm creeped out. How about you?

Remember Nick and his not-sexy rotting stomach? Guess how he fixes that? Go ahead, guess. No? He entices stray cats to the porch with cheap cat food. Then he eats them. It's like a zombie paleo diet. Whatever you have to do to keep those abs, right? Eww.

On the way home Josh asks Aidan why he told Liam he killed Brynn. For Nora, for Erin, for the dead girls, the list could go on for awhile because Aidan's capacity for guilt is limitless. As they stagger into the house, Sally tries to get rid of Max.

The poor thing gets his panties all twisted up again and runs away. Man up Max, you are getting on my nerves. As Sally gets back into the kitchen, Josh tells her about his new wolfiness again. And as Aidan cleans up Josh's arm, the first blotches of the blight pop up on his hands. Some time later, while the boys sleep off their new exciting futures, Sally is scarfing food in the kitchen. Unsatisfied with her latest junk food, she opens the refrigerator and spies some ground meat innocently sitting on the shelf. She rips off the plastic and starts shoveling it into her mouth with her bare hands. Finally, a look of relief crosses her face and she settles into her new favorite food.

Stay tuned, next week she apparently moves on to the living.

The next episode of Being Human, "Of Mice and Wolfmen," airs Monday March 11 at 9 p.m. ET on Syfy.