Last week was Escape from the Convenience Store and Jim grew balls right before he died. Let's do this.
Kelly's friend Diane drops Zack off at home and isn't thrilled that the house looks empty but sure kid, go on in. The place is trashed, thanks zombie-vamp Matt! Team Bread Truck pulls up as Zack fights off Matt inside. Uh, a little more urgency there Eph? Papa Bear instincts kick into overdrive and Eph smashes Matt's face in. The price is wrong, bitch. You just know that was satisfying for Eph on so many levels but oh my lands is that kid gonna need therapy. Abe goes right for the basement but Eph decrees that if Kelly is there, nothing happens to her while Zack is present. Speaking of Zack this kid is really calm. Note to self: stock up on vampire and zombie video games to prepare the kids for the coming apocalypse. Also, get the kid out of there; if Kelly's turned, she's coming right for him.
Let's check in with Felix and Gus. Yep, still in the holding cell and Felix is a lovely shade of light green. Moving on. Eph blows off the whole 'I escaped from the FBI' thing, what's more important is that I clean up the house before your mom gets home. Now Zack, get in the unmarked bread truck with the nice strangers who are all pissed off at each other for various reasons while I clean up. Yeah, you'll be doing some 'cleaning up' Eph.
Flashback! Out in the snow at the concentration camp, the prisoners dig a pit which is probably not for responsible campfire management. Abe tries to catch Eichhorst's eye, they shared something dammit but is blown off. Sorry Abe, it's not him, it's you.
To the secret pawn shop lair! But first, a detour as Dutch is lost without her laptop, never having been away from it this long before. Vasily escorts her in and she becomes quickly unhinged as not only is Ronnie missing, but so are her back ups, money and laptop. Did you consider saving it to the Cloud, hmm? I hear it's very secure. Meanwhile, Abe and Zack hang out in the truck and discuss the finer points of vampirism and as only children can, Zack assumes Matt's actions meant he was mad. Well, he was, but in the rabid sense. Have you considered a career in early childhood education Abe because you are great at this stuff.
Flashback! Abe steals a silver dagger and tapes it to his leg. Eichhorst finds him in the carving room while something - large- hunts upstairs. What will become of us Abe wants to know. Well, for now you will rejoin the others. Gratitude for exquisite craftsmanship will only go so far after all.
Ronnie's home. And hungry. And Vas saves Dutch again by beating the worms out of Ronnie. Now, back in the truck. She's coming with us? Fine. Now, can we please go? They left Mama Martinez in charge of the store who is pissed. Great, that's everyone then. Down in the secret bunker, Abe gives a book to Zack to read and I'm pretty sure it's not Harry Potter. Filling Vasily in, Abe knows this couldn't have happened in a vacuum; they needed human help. But who would do such a thing? Those who are seduced by power. Oh, you mean like Dutch? But together, they are strong and will take out The Master. Rah rah. Go team.
Nora and Eph roll Matt up in plastic but still no sign of Kelly. Where could she be? According to Nora, it's like in Argentina; people just disappear. This isn't Argentina. No, it's hell. But close. They burn Matt and use his funeral pyre to mourn Jim. Even in death Matt is a nobody but loved Kelly seeing as that's where he returned to. Guess we know who was actually committed to this relationship. For Eph, seeing Jim's back was the worst moment of his life. Seriously Eph, not everything is about you! And also, you ain't seen nothing yet. While Abe cooks dinner for the crew, Dutch confesses she disrupted communications because Palmer had hired her and he had a waxy-faced German dude with him. See kids? This is why hacking is not a good idea. You never know when you'll unleash a vampire apocalypse.
Flashback! Banished back to the barracks, Abe hears something whooshing in the night. Waiting for it to come near he stabs and...nothing. The Master laughs at him, crushing his hands and taunting him that his god is nowhere around. Now that's just uncalled for; taunting has to be worth at least a 5-yard penalty.
Finally, Felix is being transported somewhere else along with Gus and two more unlucky fellows. Guys, he's gonna lose something soon. Going after the officers first, the van crashes and all hell breaks loose.
And we're still waiting for Kelly to appear. I'm bored. Are you bored? Great, let's have some sex. The streak of making terrible decision continues unabated. Gus on the other hand, is having much less fun, dodging the stinger of living death and miraculously gets hold of the handcuff keys. Sorry y'all, you're on your own. I'm getting the hell outta Dodge. Sharing a snack, Abe reassures Zack that his dad will be back soon; it's just taking a little longer to do what he has to do. What does he have to do? Yes, Abe, what does he have to do?
Flashback! Morning arrives in the camp and Abe has mangled hands. During roll call, Eichhorst sees him hiding his hands and upon seeing their state, assigns him to group A. You are no longer of any use to me so off to the firing squad with you when suddenly, reprieve! It's a raid! Or a rescue mission. No matter, run away, run away!
Post sex, Diane walks in on them. Does everyone have a key to this house or something? Kelly's still MIA and it's all very awkward as Eph declares that he loves his wife and would do anything to find her. Wow Eph. You certainly have a way with the ladies seeing as Nora's right there and all. Finally back at Camp Pawn shop, it's sleep time. So Dad, did you burn Matt's body? Among other things, yes.
In his hidey-hole, Eichhorst examines his wound and damn but the silver burns. Not only that, it put a hole in his suit. There will be blood.
Flashback! Running through the dark woods of Poland, Eichhorst enters a secret cellar. Distraught, he drinks and whines 'why have you forsaken me?' The Master has heard his call; you have done well and the reward is yours and initiates the ritual Passing of the Worm. Unveiling himself, The Master appears to be the love child of Voldemort and Pennywise the Clown. Hope this is what you really wanted Eichhorst as the monster finally matches inside and out.
Tune in to "The Strain" on FX next Sunday for "Loved Ones" at 10 p.m. ET.