Tuesday, October 14, 2014

'Sleepy Hollow' Recap: 'Go Where I Send Thee...'

Courtesy Fox

And we're back. Last week we met Hawley, the privateer version of Indiana Jones, while battling a Judas-coin wielding Henry. Let's do this.

When a child goes missing at night, you can usually assume abduction unless of course you live in Sleepy Hollow when it's naturally demonic possession. But none of that's as scary as Ichabod getting driving lessons and treating it like a real life "The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift." Fortunately he stops driving before checking his phone for incoming messages. This one's an Amber Alert and they're on their way except Abbie's driving. Good call. The Lancasters are an old Sleepy Hollow family with a terrible curse which has claimed their youngest child Sarah. Ichabod is still banned from investigations so he skulks in the bushes waiting for Abbie to go investigate the woods where they find blood spatters. No bodies around but she does find a bone which Ichabod then proceeds to blow into because what else would a hollow bone be but a flute? (Also: gross.) Crane, your playing is so fine it put Abbie into a trance and he makes a shocking pronouncement: this is no ordinary flute! (No kidding.) Sarah was lured into the woods by a creature of legend - a Pied Piper. To the library! (Sorry, wrong show.)

History lesson time! Around the time of the Second Continental Congress, Daniel Lancaster still quasi-sided with the British until they took over his house. However, a mysterious man lured the garrison out of the house and killed every last one of them. Okay, fine but why target a little girl. Hm, how did the music make you feel? And please, be honest. This is for posterity. Well, she felt compelled to go somewhere and I say, we have a plan! I'll play, you walk and Bob's yer uncle, we find the girl. Remind me never to add this tune to my workout mix. Through the woods they go until they come upon something hiding in the rocks. Flanking positions and oh. Great. It's Hawley. He saw the piper and lived to tell the tale. There's still time to save her!

And why was Hawley traipsing through the woods at night? Well, he was looking for a high value artifact when he saw Sarah and is extraordinarily well-informed about the Lancaster curse though in his line of work I guess he'd have to be. According to the legend, Daniel Lancaster hired the piper to lure the soldiers to their deaths after they repeatedly harassed his daughters. Stone. Cold. Once outside the piper turned into a sort of Revolutionary Ninja but then Daniel betrayed him by killing him now his ghost demands a sacrifice of a Lancaster daughter every generation. This folks is why it's so important to honor your agreements. They need more firepower and so offer Hawley a deal: his help and research for the flute. Done. Le sigh.

Back in the institution, Captain Irving reads the bible and is transported into the action, becoming a bad ass killer. Just before he faces the Horseman of War, the book bursts into flame. Okay then. No time for that as Abbie's on the trance-hunt til they reach the secret entrance set into the ground. You know, they should really just bomb the entire woods and be done with it as nothing good ever happens in there. Time to pay the piper a visit. Heading underground (of course) into the piper's lair head our intrepid trio. They find Sarah but Pipes isn't giving up his prize without a fight. A couple of flash-bang grenades will provide the distraction though. Dude's not going to give up but Hawley's all 'sorry y'all but this is my stop and I'm getting off the crazy train.' But he won't stop; you have to help us. Yeah, no. This will haunt me but that's why God created shot glasses. I can't really argue with his logic. All right, fine. A deal's a deal and whoops! Sorry about the bone-flute; it just slipped and snapped over my knee, you moral-less reprobate. They take Sarah home but really, how will that stop the Piper for coming for her again. They need to end this. To the weapons room! First up: noise-cancelling ear buds. Let's hear it (or not) for technology. Leftenant, please perform the logging-in ceremony as Ichabod has questions about the Lancaster history. A disturbing pattern is revealed: the generations that a child was not taken, all of the children in the family die. So this is the terrible choice the family must make - will the good of the many outweigh the good of the one? Hm. Let me think. Um, no.

Back at the Lancaster's, Beth goes into Sarah's room and looks a bit...off and the next morning, all of the kids start getting sick. Crane breaks into one of the weapons cabinets and takes a sword. Beth and Sarah are nowhere to be found - she's going to make the trade: Sarah for the rest of them. I can't even begin to imagine having to make that kind of decision. Ichabod and Abbie track Beth and Sarah and talk the distraught Beth down. Jeebus, this kid is gonna need a whole lot of therapy. No time to plan though as Pipes is here. Crane holds him off with the family sword and drives him underground. Finish him! Too bad there's no room for the car there as Crane's driving gives him a distinct advantage but he does have one ace up his sleeve: the noise canceling ear buds. Alas, Ichabod isn't a fantastic sword fighter and Pipes gets the drop on him and he loses the sword. Just before the final blow descends, Abbie runs him through. No more kids ever, privateer. Moral of the story? Patriarchs, think before you make deals with mysterious characters then welch on them lest your descendants pay forevermore for your hubris and general assholery.

Ichabod hasn't complained about anything for a while but luckily a cappuccino fixes that need right up though it's hard to wield righteous indignation sporting a foam mustache. Abbie's feeling pretty good about things right now: they saved lives, they ended a curse. Little victories are needed to keep you going for the big fights. You know who's not having fun right now? Captain Irving, who is a bit put out that his lawyer neglected to mention that he was the Horseman of War. Basically Henry lays it out as so - you do what I tell you or I will go after your family as I am here to make things right. Okay, 'right' meaning Ichabod's revisionist history or 'right' meaning revenge as you still have a mad-on at your parents because really, this is an important distinction. But what does Henry want with you? I recommend Ezekiel 18-4. Aw hell no, that bastard tricked me into signing in blood and took my soul. Commence loophole searching in 3...2...1....

Hawley's a bit despondent over the destruction of his prize but the buyer doesn't seem to care. Who is this mysterious buyer for whom a busted bone flute is no big deal? I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count. Henry crushes up the flute even further and tastes it, declaring perfection. Who wants to bet that his need to torment his parents will end up conflicting with serving Moloch's cause? Because as clever as he is, he too can be undermined by emotion.

Next week we're kicking off 'Sleepy Halloween' with a banshee-zombie, sites of tragic suicides, ghosties and creepies and wee student beasties. Tune in to "Sleepy Hollow" on Monday at 9 pm ET on Fox for "The Weeping Lady."