Saturday, January 31, 2015

'Helix' Recap: 'Scion'

Courtesy Syfy
BY DAWN FEAKES

Holy cow. This may have been the most messed-up episode of "Helix" ever and if you watched the first season, you know that's saying something but even more important: Hatake! Let's do this.

Landry gets a noisy hand-job from Slutty Cult Chick who actually has a name, Amy. And Amy, like most young people, thinks that the grown-ups are doing a balls-up job of running the place so it's clearly up to her and her army of latex gloves to get rid of the scientists who are threatening their way of cult life. See guys, this is why parental involvement from an early age is critical. Michael seems to realize that Amy might need to complete her path but since she's not a plant, eh, he'll get around to it.

It's...it's...could it really be? Hatake! With a dead Daniel and Julia's mother so he may not be playing with a full deck but  really, we don't care because Hatake with an axe to grind. Literally.

Team CDC are the only ones who seem to care that Soren has mysteriously disappeared as he's not a plant that Michael can graft or a legacy Anne can uphold. Priorities yo. Baby check time. Yup, still pregnant. Moving on. Sarah grumps about how it's going to take forever to run these samples but Sarah honey, 1) you are Immortal and therefore have all the time in the world and B) that's what my kindergartner says when he doesn't want to do something. Kyle goes old school which earns him respect until he realizes he lost the boat samples in the little shack of horrors. Peter and Sarah will go retrieve them while you exploit your bond with Amy to find out what happened to Soren. If I had a choice, I'd pick traipsing through the woods. Just saying. But he does offer Sarah his gun which she accepts. She wasn't nicknamed 'Hot Zone' for nothing after all.

Hatake walks through woods and things are really fuzzy. Methinks the good Hatake might be self-medicating. A bit. So when he sees Julia on her quest, he does the only thing possible for a father to do - puts the axe at her throat. He's a wee bit paranoid, accusing her of being there to get him and all she wants to do is save the remaining Immortals. Detente?

Poor 'Jerome', demoted from Orchard back to sweeping so quickly but he sees empty wine barrels and what sorcery is this? There's no booze on the island man and besides, mind your own business. It's not your path. Kyle tries to smooth things over with Amy and his total rejection of her crazy-cakes but she's like, whatevs. I'm free to explore thoughts, feelings, bodies, reactions. It's all good. Kyle, Imma give you some advice son: when a woman tells you it's all good, RUN LIKE HELL. Mostly because he just wants your for the kids and their blood. He meets a girl, Lizzie, and we all cringe from PTWDD (Post Traumatic Walking Dead Disorder.) She knows about Soren but Amy is everywhere so she can't say much other than he broke a rule and was scared to go in the pit. Of Despair? Does it include Count Rugen and The Machine?

Peter and Sarah combine questing through the woods with arguing over Alan and whether he's of any use or not. He's obsessed with finding Julia and killed a lot of people. You figure it must be hard on Sarah; both Peter and Alan are completely hung up on Julia and she's off to the side as the forever pregnant one. Because Landry is Amy's bitch, he's going to carry out her plans which now include poisoning the minds of the children. Pretty much literally. Folks, when Hick Uncle Fester asks if you want to play a game called 'Time Machine,' you say 'no.' But Lizzie didn't and now she has gone bye-bye.

Peter and Sarah get to the shack and Leila's body is gone but the samples are still there. Oh, and a berzerker outside so they block the door and jump out the window since no one will ever expect that. That escalated quickly. Peter gets tackled from behind and dude, you're the Vector King; are you just going to take that? Sarah pulls a Tex and saves Peter from Goopy Cheese Face. Now will you listen to her about Alan?

Hatake's mental breakdown continues as Daniel is not approving of his course of action. What are you talking about Daniel? Coffee is always the right course of action. Julia takes Hatake's mug, you know, just in case he tried something when she passes out because his cup had the poison in it the whole time. Totally outsmarted yourself there hon.

In the middle of analyzing Soren's blood which has crazy high blood sugar, Lizzie runs in telling him the kids need his help and lure him into the woods where they go Children of the Corn on him to "Brady Bunch" music. Those...monsters!  (Full disclosure: I have never seen that movie because I'm a giant wuss but have it on good authority *coughTwittercough* that the reference is solid.) Man, Amy took his rejection harder than I thought..

Alan snoops around the barn with the empty wine barrels and gets caught because he's a terrible secret agent. Peter yells at Michael that they didn't think it necessary to let them know that people were living in the woods. People that are not, in fact, bears? Is becoming a bear a path? If so that seems a little harsh when cult life doesn't work out for you. Did the tantrum make you feel better Peter? What does not make him feel better is finding Kyle unconscious and covered in blood from playtime with the children. They were brainwashed and left him for dead. We show go see them now. Kyle is the opposite of excited about this plan.

Kyle's not the only one having a bad day. Julia wakes up tied up. Again. Good gravy woman, how are you allowed to do anything on your own? You always end up passed out and trussed up. Anyway, this time Hatake has injected her with truth serum for he shall get to the bottom of this. Why are you here? To find a cure. Immortals are dying. I'm dying. This actually seems to get through to him a bit but not enough to stop questioning her. Patching Kyle up, they go visit the kids who are completely normal. Well, normal for this place at any rate. Someone needs to take Sister Amy and her Funky Plant Time Machine down.

Peter and Sarah are still arguing over Alan; Peter doesn't want another variable, Sarah would like any sort of functional resource. Strangely enough Peter acquiesces and goes to talk to Alan alone. This should be fun. Did I say 'fun?' I meant 'completely 100% dysfunctional.' Alan incapacitates the keymaster and gains entrance to the locked barn of empty wine barrels. Okay, partial credit there for making the tough man cry.

Still under the influence of the drugs, Julia hears Hatake arguing with Daniel and her mother Jaye but there's no one there. That's certainly reassuring that the father who has you drugged and tied up is bat sh*t crazy. Daniel doesn't trust her, her Mother pleads for her and Hatake rejects Daniel (again) for Julia. Hatake, your Daniel-conscience won't come back if you keep treating him this way. Alan makes it into the barn where he finds lots of bottles of yellow goo and a tooth. Looks like we found the operating room from the first episode. He can't do anything about this discovery though as Peter chooses then to appear and knock him out with his own crowbar. Peter, I think that inferiority complex is bigger than you are now. Or are we seeing a revival of the Narvik Vector King?

Julia finally comes all the way to and finds herself tied to a wheelchair in an evening dress. Um, what? I'm going to introduce you to your family. You know, your brother and mother that are sitting right there and dear lord in heaven, it's their actual corpses. 30 years later. Yes Julia, now would be a perfect time to scream but I'm pretty sure Caleb is nowhere around to help you.

Tune in to Syfy next Friday at 10 p.m. ET for 'Densho' where the madness will continue.

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