True Blood Recap: Frenzy

“Frenzy” was for sure an apt name for this episode. I was frenzied. My friends were frenzied. Our favorite Bon Temps-ers were frenzied.

The downer to my frenzy? Queen Sophie Ann.

I just wasn’t feeling the royal vibe. I was so amped for a powerful, strong female vampire, but … Yahtzee? Kind of killed my buzz. The Queen looked faboo, of course, and my ears rejoiced at her clean, crisp, no-trace-of-Bayou voice. But I found her boring. Her pad was ridiculous, and I spied a vintage issue of
Vogue in her hands, but besides having killer clothes, looks and taste, I didn’t find anything appealing about her character. Sorry, minions.

Sophie commands Bill to stay at her palace; he rocks some Ray-Bans and soaks up the “sun,” all while ostensibly dying to get back to Sookie, but was he? I totally think not. He is such a waste of fangs. He pumps Sophie for info on how to kill the maenad (anyone else lost when she explained how one imagines herself immortal, therefore one is? Can I get in on that?), but not until he partakes in a rousing game of Yahtzee does she give up the goods — the only chance to take her down is when she’s in the throes of her sacrifice to the “God who comes.”

Bill’s time at the palace is interrupted by the arrival of Eric, there on some shifter biz, and as the Queen fang-tastically puts it, “All this alpha male posturing … why don’t you two just … and get it over with” (You get the idea.) The perfect sacrifice that the Queen describes sure sounded like Sookie Stackhouse — she straddles the supernatural in more ways than one (zing!). But lookie lookie: Bill is released, and where does he go? Straight to Sam’s place to get all Growly McGrowly for bringing Eric into the mix, not to Sookie. He is so motivated by his own agendas it’s ridiculous. Really, shouldn't he be pleased that Sam was trying to save the town, ergo Sookie, by contacting Eric? If Bill really wanted to get to Sookie, he'd have hightailed it from that palace — and letting her know he won't be coming back anytime soon via text? Please. I think Sookie needs to screen He's Just Not That Into You. Next.

In Bon Temps, Hoyt drops Jess like a bad habit after she goes for Mama Fortenberry’s jugular — I say she had it coming, but whatevs. Sookie, Mama Thornton and Lafay are keeping close watch over recently un-black-eyed Tara, who is a raging biotch … but possibly a raging biotch who deserves a nod for supporting actress. She brought it last night. Lafay’s purple furry handcuffs (as if we’re surprised) were no match for Tara’s manipulation and Mama Thornton’s undying motivation to get her daughter back. She frees Tara to go running back to Eggs, and gets a Buddha to the head from Sookie. Lafay, who only minutes before pulled off a daring purple eye shadow/shotgun combo, was shaken to the core when Mama Thornton pointed the gun at him … and interesting: who shows up? An Eric hallucination, alluding to Lafay becoming a vamp. That would be such a great beginning to season three—one of the original human crew crossing over.

That’s not the only E-Rock hallucination Lafay’s been having. Thanks to some forced blood intake (“Me too! He tricked me,” Sookie chimes in) Lafay has been havin some nasty, sexy dreams about him. Hands down best line — “someone need to slap that bi***.” Well said, bro. Oh, and by the way, can Sookie please were some damn jeans and sneaks? Just once.

As Tara speeds away to rescue Eggs, Jason and Andy B rendezvous with Sam at Merlotte’s. Jason’s mind is abuzz with all the crazy ish Sam can get away with. “Do you think Sam can turn into a chicken and lay his own egg? Wouldn’t that be weird?” Jason decides in order to ready themselves for this “Zombie war,” they need weapons. So he and Andy go on a suicide mission to the Bon Temps sheriff’s office, grabbing all the ammo they can, while Sam is occupied with Arlene’s kids … why they were added to the storyline, I’m not so sure. Koby the boy genius informs Sam they need to enlist a vamp’s help. So Sam packs the kids in the car and heads to Fangtasia to lobby Eric. We get one measly Pam sighting (yay!) and see Eric looking dead sexy in a slim, expertly tailored (maybe a tad Night at the Roxbury) suit (yay-ier!). Sam tries to start a shifter-vamp allegiance; Eric, of course, just wants another way to get Sookie. But he agrees to help, and with a quick wink, flies (FLIES!) to the Queen’s crib in an effort to find a way to “kick a maenad’s ass.”

I’d much rather have Eric on the case than Bill, wouldn’t you? Riddle me this, though — how can E-Rock have no idea about the maenad? Don’t all the supes keep tabs on eachother? Is there not a Facebook group for that? I find it hard to believe he’s totally oblivious to what she is and how she works.

Sookie and LaFay go to Sookie’s place to save Tara; it’s too late, of course: she’s black-eyed again. What Sookie finds in the house is absolutely disturbing—people chopping off their digits, half-naked men on the floor, and a super creepy dude sitting in her sink playing with what I presume was someone else’s intestines. Awesome. I couldn’t stomach Sookie laying on the floor with that guy … I feel sick conjuring the image right now. But nothing prepared me for what awaited her in the bedroom. First of all, how heartbreaking that every connection Sookie had to her gran — the house, all her things — is destroyed; much of it at the hands of people she loves. And second, her only human ally, Lafay, falls under Maryann’s spell. Sigh. But it’s the shocking final scene — this may have been the mother of them all — that powered water cooler convo the world over. What the H.E.L.L. was in the middle of that nest? Cue dropped-jaw syndrome across the globe. A baby maenad? “The God who comes?” A chicken? The possibilities are endless.

Thank God this episode actually carried a story; I was bored stiff last week. We got an odd glimpse into Maryann's motivation — she pines for "true death," whatever that means, and apparently, true death looks a lot like a wedding, if we're to judge from the previews. And what a story we can look forward to in two weeks. Don’t worry, we’ll find some way to satisfy your True Blood thirst next Monday. What’s around the next bend? Your guess is as good as mine.

amy kates