The Conspiracy Nut Report: Mummers is the word

Known only as The Conspiracy Nut, this writer comments frequently on his theories of machinations, scandals and conspiracies in paranormal pop culture and their connection to the real world. The views reflected in The Conspiracy Nut Report are wacky and (probably, hopefully, maybe?) completely untrue, and definitely not those of  However, they are fun to read, and if you want more, follow him on Twitter.

The Conspiracy Nut Report
Mummies have been around for 6,000 years, but "mumming" has only been around for about 350 years. Yet instead of having anything to do with dusty bones, mumming involves colorful costumes and folk plays. It's a tradition that originated in Medieval Europe and in the Celtic countries (Ireland, Wales, Scotland). Some say it was started by our Druid friends.

But stateside, the most well-known group is the Philadelphia Mummers, who perform a parade every New Year's Day and even have a museum dedicated to them in The City of Brotherly Love, which is what brings us to our current conspiracy.

As I hinted in an earlier post, the Mummers are actually a secret organization, and during a recent weekend I snuck back into Philly with my trusted friend Arnie.  

We went into the Mummers Museum in search of proof of their ties to the freemasons.  Of course some say I'm mad for such a theory, but let's follow the trail: The museum’s Web site was created by the students at the Furness school.  The school was named after noted Shakespearean scholar, Horace Howard Furness.  Horace’s brother, Frank Furness, was a noted architect  who designed over 600 buildings in Philadelphia.

Every one of those buildings that Arnie and I saw had freemason markings on them - although some were more notable then others.  Both Horace and his brother were masons and patrons of the arts.  So I know what you are thinking: This is pretty flimsy evidence, even for The Conspiracy Nut.  

Well, just like Mike Hammer in Kiss Me Deadly (number 12 on the Rotten Tomatoes' conspiracy movie countdown), I am realizing this is an international conspiracy.  It seem like there are hidden messages in the Mummers costumes and in the rhythm of the strut. Just like in so many Disney movies, the subliminal messages run wild.  The Mummers are sending secret information across the globe, and also direct messages of Bacchanalian cross-dressing debauchery designed to weaken the moral fiber of our social being.  So when When the moral fiber of a society breaks down, the weak-minded become followers and are easy to control. 

Now as for Arnie and me, we entered the museum and first laid our eyes on what "they" want you to see. To the untrained eye it is loaded with fancy, feathered costumes. For us, the symbolism was quite clearly masonic references.  But then we noticed some non-touristy, cagey types and our instincts took over.  We followed them into a back area, watched them go down a hall that I thought was a dead end.  We waited and waited, but they never came out. There is no visible exit in this hall way so I can only conclude that there is a secret entrance to a meeting hall hidden deep inside the structure of the museum. 

At this point, my finely-tuned "watched" feeling that has saved my life on many occasions kicked in so We got our butts out of there and headed on down to Pat’s King of Steaks  to plan our next visit to the museum. 

For now Arnie and I parted ways - he returned to his humdrum 9-to-5, and me? Well, I’m hitting the road looking for answers to the questions that are bothering me. 

Always keep you minds open and your eyes wide