True Blood recap: '9 Crimes'

At-home critic (and Rental Reviewer) Denise Purvis reviews HBO's vampire soap True Blood each week.

True Blood, S3, ep. 4: '9 Crimes'

After a week hiatus, I thought this episode might be a little more exciting than Episode 3 (featured the highlight of S&M sex between Bill and Lorena where he completely twisted her head around. Maybe that position should be called Owl Style …) and luckily it was Much. More. Exciting.

Good werewolf Alcide paired up with Sookie to pay off a debt to Eric and promptly got spanked in a bar fight after Sookie did a little were-telepathy to lead her to a lupine (or Lou Pine's) bar in Jackson, Miss. As Sookie patches up Alcide from the fight, she receives a call from Bill where he drops her like a hot potato.

Instead of falling apart which has become customary this season (ahem, Tara, ahem, Arlene), she pulls herself together and convinces Alcide to take her to his former fiancĂ©e (and current werewolf skank shown here) Deb’s engagement party.

Alcide gets his sister Janis to give Sookie a were-slut makeover. As I was first watching it, I kept asking, “What is she doing? Waxing her back? Oh, she’s applying a fake tattoo.”

During the waxing, I mean tattoo application, Sookie reads Janis’ mind and discovers Debbie is being initiated into the werewolf pack and is hooked on V. Awfully convenient Sookie had those leather pants and black wig, or she would have stuck out like a sore thumb.

Meanwhile, Bill is now the procurer for the King. I’ve got to say, it seems like a lousy job, but a vamp’s got to do what a vamp’s got to do. The King excuses himself to run an errand, otherwise known as supplying vampire blood to werewolves! during Debbie’s engagement party/initiation.

Sookie stands there, mouth agape as the King passes out shots of his blood when all of the werewolves start shifting. I’m pretty sure if Alcide wasn’t there to tell her to scoot, she would have been a midnight snack.

And the plot thickens. Bill senses Sookie is near and in danger, but does nothing more than supply the King and Lorena with a troubled stripper he’s procured for dinner.

Eric turns out to be this episode’s hero by saving Lafayette from some strung out hillbillies. He utters my favorite (and the only memorable line of this episode), “Let’s go, RuPaul.”

As Eric and RuPa - err, Lafayette ride away, Eric gets a disturbing call from Pam telling him the Magister is raiding Fangtasia.  Eric pulls a Superman and gets there just in time to see the Magister torturing Pam.
She utters it was Bill Compton (!!!) dealing V, Eric agrees and the Magister gives him two days to find him or Pam gets a well-done stake.

(Note to producers: Don’t kill Pam! She’s become one of my favorite characters on the show.)

We’ve still got these side stories running rampant and long:

•    Boot-wearing vamp Franklin is a complete a-hole creepo and he’s got Tara trapped.  By the end of the episode we finally figure out who he’s working for.
•    Sam’s still an idiot and letting his family leech off him.
•    Arlene is just plain annoying.
•    Jason is blackmailing Andy, the newly appointed Sheriff, into making him a deputy. Stay classy, Jason.
•    Jessica starts working as the new hostess at Merlotte’s.