'True Blood' recap: 'Evil is Going On'

At-home critic (and Rental Reviewer) Denise Purvis reviews HBO's vampire soap True Blood each week.

True Blood, Season Finale: 'Evil Is Going On'

This is probably the most disappointing season finale of any show that I’ve seen since Seinfeld (and that was a series finale).  It is the most anti-climatic episode of the season and now we have to wait for almost a whole year for something to happen?

Thanks Alan Ball.

Two weeks ago they left us hanging with Eric shackled to Russell in the Fangtasia parking lot. Is it just me or does Fangtasia look a lot more dingy in the daylight? Our boy Godric shows up in a vision to Eric and urges him to make peace with Russell.

Sookie slaps Bill and gets pissed at him betraying her again. Bill replies, “I only pretended to betray you to save your life … again.” That gets pretty old, Bill. For a gentleman, he sure does put her life on the line pretty frequently.

Meanwhile, Eric is starting to get a little crispy out in the parking lot and Sookie decides to save him. She ends up doing her fancy hand-light trick and removes the cuffs and slams Russell against the wall. I’m not quite sure why, but she feeds Eric to heal all that delicious charred flesh. After he is healed, Eric’s “Godric inner voice” gets the best of him and Sookie retrieves Russell from outside.

Why would anyone want to save Russ? I understand that Godric’s all up in Eric’s head, but come on.

Postcoital Sam is cooking breakfast for Tara when he spills the beans that he has dog’s balls.

Sam: I’m not a werewolf.
Tara: Thank you, God, for once!
Sam: I’m a shape shifter.
Tara: Shut the f—k up!

Well, maybe he should have told you before you guys hate-banged after a bottle of tequila, but what’s a dog to do? Yeah Tara, it’s true. Cue lip trembling, cue running out, cue Tara doing what she does best. No wonder he barks in his sleep.

What is Sookie’s deal? She is seriously hot and cold. Russell is looking pretty terrible and he loses a fang.
Eric to Russell: Well, that’s humiliating.

I’ll say.

I’m tired of the Sheriff’s office and Jason and Andy and that cast. Why doesn’t he just drink some V and heal his arm already. Blah, blah, blah, don’t bust the sick twisted freaks of the meth lab. Also, Jason doesn’t even know what rationalize means. Boo-hoo. NEXT?

Cut to my boy Hoyt at the job site. I guess in Jason’s quest to be with Crystal Meth and to pursue his law enforcement career, Hoyt is now always in charge at work. Maxine and Summer stage an intervention with Hoyt and his high school guidance counselor, who always keeps Malibu Rum in his desk at work. Hoyt, your behavior has affected me negatively in the following ways… Bye Summer, bye Maxine. Later on in the episode we see where Hoyt has bought a house for Jessica and himself! So cute! But uh-oh, Maxine is gun shopping and a creepy baby doll is laying on the ground in the adjacent room. Message from Summer?

Lafayette is still all messed up from the V, but he calls Jesus to the rescue. He’s still seeing all sorts of messed up stuff. I think he may have freaked out Arlene and is it me, but seriously, isn’t her hair getting redder?  Jesus is a witch who’s a nurse who’s a dude. That explains a lot, but also kills my theory that he’s a jaguar shape-shifter. Wah wah. I guess Lafayette is magical? Why don’t I get any answers in this episode, huh, huh?!?

Back at Fangtasia, Russell tries to convince Sookie to set him free.  It’s a no-brainer, but she doesn’t do it. Not even for the mansion in Mississippi. It is a nice house, but not in exchange for getting sucked dry. 

Sookie tells him, “Steppin’ around the fact that your word’s worth about as much as tits on a turtle.”

To add more insult to injury, she sprays him in the face with the colloidal silver. There was some mention of a rose only blooming for a short while. Then she grabs the vase with Talbot’s guts and rinses them down the garbage disposal after she figures out that Russell was going to try to bring him back to life with her blood.

Adios, Talbot. Again.

Crystal Meth and the Inbred Methamphetamine Skank Gang (look their album to drop soon) really gets on my nerves. Felton (Crystal’s cousin-boyfriend-fiancĂ©) shoots her daddy in the face. They really wasted that V before when they helped him from Sam’s beat down. And now Jason is in charge of a family of skanks when Crystal leaves with Felton in Jason’s truck. Yes, Jason, several of them DO have some serious dental problems.

Tara’s mom is banging the good reverend. She’s such a worthless slut and I hate her wig. I wonder if she takes it off when they have sex… Tara hugs her mom and bounces off to go and chop her hair off. I’m not sure if I like the jerri curl look on her. Then she goes to see Sookie and they have a tender moment, but it looks like Tara AND her jerri curl are bouncing out of town in Lafayette’s old car.

Back at Fangtasia AGAIN, Alcide shows up. Man he’s hot.  Sookie is in a cold mood and rescinds all vampire invitation to Gran’s house. And it seems that they are up to something with Alcide because it’s going to finally settle his debt with Eric.

Eric to Bill and Alcide: Well, if you two have finished eye f—king each other, can we go?”

That was kind of awkward. Well, they were up to no good. Godric’s back and he’s backlit. Oh, and Russell is in some cement.  Looks like he’s going to be chilling there for awhile and Bill pulls the old switcharoo and instead of shaking hands, he throws Eric in the cement. Bill calls Rueben using Eric’s phone and gets him to kill Pam.

Is Bill evil? I’m not so sure about him anymore, but Sookie lets him come right back in Gram’s house. He vows to kill anyone that knows she is "vampire crack" (Sophie, Eric, Pam). But before they can suck face or fully make up, Eric shows up and throws Bill under the bus by telling Sookie how he let the crap get beat out of her so that he could give her his blood and make her fall in love with him.  Bill tells her, “It’s who you are, not what you are that I love.” Precious.

Save it because Sookie kicks them both out  before running off to her gram's grave and getting beamed the hell out of Bon Temps to fairyland.

Smaller bites:
  • Pam’s not dead. YAY!
  • Did Sam have a kill shot on Tommy or was the shot just at Tommy?
  • Is Russell going to escape the cement tomb?
  • What’s going to happen with Bill and Sophie Anne?
  • Is Tara’s mom’s wig going to get its own spin off?
  • Are they ever going to clean up Gram’s house?
  • Is Jason going to get his truck back and is Crystal gone for good?
  • Are we EVER going to find out what Lafayette is?
  • Why does Terry have a pet armadillo named Felix?
  • Is Andy the next victim of V? Not even once, Andy.