The business of Rapture

Planning on getting raptured this weekend but don't have a dogsitter, or are afraid Heaven won't have the same music selection as Earth? Fear not, because two companies are reaching out the raptured-to-be.

First up is Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. The organization run by atheist animal activists promise pet owners "the next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World." Since Fido and Tabby aren't holy enough for heaven, the Web-based company operates in 26 states and offers animal rescue and caretaking for the pets of true believers for the low, low price of $135 for the first household pet, and $20 for each additional one. And if May 21 ends up being a false alarm for the Apocalypse, you're in luck: The Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, fee guarantees protection in case the Rapture hits in the next 10 years. (Note: Eternal Earth-Bound Pets cannot protect reptiles or presumably snakes who would tempt humans with apples.)

Next up is MiMedia, which assures you CAN take your media files with you when you head upstairs. As the company's press release states, "eternity is quite a long time and heaven might get pretty boring without some good movies, your favorite albums, and all the other entertainment you’ve spent a lifetime collecting." The solution is to move data to the cloud. "If you plan on going to the pearly gates this weekend, all your videos, music, photos and other files will be there waiting for you. If heaven’s not in the cards, what better way to keep your files safe from the worldwide earthquake that’s been predicted?"

Act now and don't get Left Behind on these great deals.