'True Blood' recap: 'Turn, Turn, Turn'

Stephen Moyer, Alexander Skarsgard
and Lucy Griffiths. Courtesy HBO

The moment we Trubies have been waiting for has finally arrived! Season 4 of the hit HBO series True Blood ended with a bang and the Season 5 premiere was all about dealing with that mess.

The much-anticipated episode starts with Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) having to deal with yet another bloody mess in her kitchen. Poor Tara (Rutina Wesley) accidentally got her brains blown out by werebitch, Debbie Pelt (Brit Morgan), remember? Of course you do!

When Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) comes upon the scene looking for Eric, Tara's frantic cousin, Lafayette (Nelsen Ellis) begs Pam to turn her. Pam finally agrees when Sookie favors her with helping fix what is broken between her and Eric. A dirt nap is prepared and Walmart-sweatsuit clad Pam gets buried with brain-damaged (understatement), Tara.

Meanwhile, King Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) and Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgard) are also cleaning up the mess they made when they offed Nan (Jessica Tuck) and her Stormtroopers. Bill tells Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) that he'll be out of town and that she's the Queen of the Castle - within reason - while he's away. Later, they get captured and silvered by the Vampire Authority and thrown into the back of a car.

Oh, it was so nice to see that detestable nut, Reverend Steve Newlin (Michael McMillian) appear at naked Jason Stackhouse's door at the end of season 4, wasn't it? He's now a vampire and just wants to talk with Jason. He tricks Jason into letting him come into his home by glamouring him. Rev. Steve's turning was a punishment and he says that he doesn't even know the woman who has turned him. He proceeds to tape Jason's mouth shut and tells him that he's not mad that he slept with his vanilla pudding wife, but that he's jealous she got to sleep with Jason! Whaaa?

Rev. Steve then proudly admits, "I'm a gay, vampire, American and I love you Jason Stackhouse!" Jason is flattered but "doesn't bark that way" and Steve gets pissed and starts to attack Jason. In storms a Red Riding Hood Jessica and she makes it clear that "Jason is mine!" Jason takes back Steve's invite and he gets thrown out as he states his love for Jason, yet again. Jessica then mounts Jason.

Our favorite shifter and bar-owner, Sam (Sam Trammell) seems to get in trouble just as much as Sookie, doesn't he? In the aftermath of pack-leader Marcus's (Daniel Buren) death at the hands of hunky Alcide (Joe Manganiello), his fellow werewolves come after Sam demanding Marcus's whereabouts. They need the body for something and threaten harm to his lady love, Luna (Janina Gavankar) and her and Marcus's daughter, if he doesn't fess us. Sam didn't even kill Marcus! He turns into a hawk and escapes but is later confronted by a naked werechick and surrenders in order to save Luna and her daughter.

As "Silly Love Songs" plays in the background, Bill and Eric are cozy prisoners in the trunk of their captor's car. An umbrella is spied and used to poke a hole in the gas tank. They cause an explosion and are thrown from the car. Bill is hurt and urges Eric to go on but he won't leave him. Bromance? It turns out that the woman in the car is Eric's "sister," Nora (Lucy Griffiths) and they passionately kiss. Wait, is this Game of Thrones, the modern era? What's with HBO and sibling incest? Nora says that she is with the Authority, no one knows about their relationship, and she would do anything to save Eric because, for one, he helped protect them from the necromancers. They go to ground for rest because tomorrow, Bill and Eric's lives will be changed forever.

Back at Chez Sookie, Lafayette is popping some pills to cope with the shit storm and Sookie is in the kitchen scrubbing up the Debbie remnants. Lafayette recommends just calling the police and claiming self-defense but Sookie admits that she did not have to kill Debbie. She wanted to. Lafayette joins in the cleaning fun.

Sookie and Lafayette are in the body-disposal mode so they head to Lafayette's house where poor Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) was left. He's not there? Where is Jesus? We need to find Jesus! Anyway, Lafayette requests a private moment to say goodbye to his lover whom he killed while possessed. It's actually kind of touching. Lafayette asks Jesus how he's supposed to go on breathing and living without him.

Oh boy! We finally get to see Sheriff Andy Bellefleur's (Chris Bauer) ass! He's in bed with waitress Holly (Lauren Bowles) when her two boys come home early from a hunting trip. Andy says that it's not what it looks like and that he cares for their mom. I guess this scene was just to establish that they're in a full-fledged relationship and that Andy can get laid by a human.

Back at Andy's house where Arlene (Carrie Preston), Terry (Todd Lowe), and their kiddos are staying because their house burned down, dinner with Terry's former platoon leader, Patrick (Scott Foley) is being had. Terry doesn't want his past revealed and Patrick doesn't think fires should be taken lightly. We later find out that Patrick came around because fellow platoon members' homes keep burning down and he suspected Terry. He doesn't suspect him anymore and wants Terry to help him find out who it is. Terry isn't too keen on this.

Sookie takes a much-needed post-clean-up shower and flashes back to how she was tormented as a child because of her odd abilities. She recalls how Tara stuck-up for her and looks out onto the dirt where she's hopefully changing into a vamp. Lafayette then takes his bathing turn and looks sad and contemplative about the current state of affairs. He spies a razor ... please use it to shave your legs, Lafayette! Sookie then gets a visit from Alcide who is there to tell her about evil Russell Edgington's (Denis O'Hare) escape from his cement grave. He urges her to come and live with him so she's safe. She can't, due to feeling guilt about killing Debbie and was about to tell him. Lafayette bursts onto the scene and luckily prevents this confession. Alcide then comments on how clean and bleach-smelling Sookie's kitchen is even though there's an eyeball by the fridge. Lafayette and Sookie then prepare for sundown and Tara's hopeful emergence.

In a quick and pointless scene in Merlott's, Jason and Andy are having lunch while Jason is being mocked as a "girlfriend f---er" by Jessica-jilted Hoyt (Jim Parrack) and some buddies. Obviously Hoyt is mad. Meanwhile, Andy agrees to fix a ticket that the local judge's son got. Riveting?

Poor Sam is being tortured for information on Marcus by the wolf pack and we get to meet Martha (Dale Dickey) who turns out to be Marcus's mom. Sam reveals where Marcus is to Martha in order to save his lady love even though he won't be spared. "Werewolves are pack people." and they need the body to "honor him." Later, some wolves dig him up. Alcide and Luna appear and Alcide confesses he's the killer. His fellow hunters are pissed and refuse to follow him. Martha turns into a wolf and starts to eat her son ... the others join in. It's gross.

Obligatory rough and uncomfortable sex scene time! Eric and Nora are loudly pounding each other against the wall of their hiding place. Bill tells them to keep it down. Eric's untraceable phone rings, it's Alcide and we assume he tells him of Russell's escape. Later they walk towards a group and a woman gives Eric and Bill their "new papers" with new ridiculous names (Ira Applebaum?). The Authority then kills them all except for Bill, Eric and Nora. They're colorfully told to surrender in the name of the Authority.

The next scene shows an unidentified body being dragged into a room and killed. We assume we'll learn about this later?

Not sure what the point of the whole college party scene with Jessica and Jason was. Maybe to show her already-known rebellious behavior and Rock Band abilities in singing "Cherry Bomb," and to show that Jason likes Jessica enough to be jealous of her kissing another guy and to forego sex with a flat-stomached co-ed? Next.

Did Tara turn? Let's start digging and find out! Lafayette runs to grab some some food while Sookies digs a little. Pam emerges from the ground with dirt in her bra, and Sookie reveals Tara - who's not looking too lively. Tears flow, Lafayette breaks down. Then ...WHOOSH! Dirt everywhere and Tara is a vampire, but not a nice one based on Sookie's terrified scream for Lafayette. And scene!

So what did you all think? Were you satisfied? What new characters are you most excited about meeting this season? Let us know! Watch the new episode next Sunday on HBO at 9pm ET/PT.