'True Blood' recap: 'Let’s Boot and Rally'

Deborah Ann Woll in Fangtasia, courtesy HBO

Even though this episode not only started late, but ended 10 minutes early, the writers gave us a jam-packed installment full of creepy asylum goodness and even a new monster to ponder.

SookieDoo and the Gang/The Authority

Alcide and Sookie are getting hot and heavy and we at home, are envious. Until, of course, the mood is interrupted by Sookie barfing on Alcide and her two vamp ex-boyfriends standing in the bedroom doorway. Buzzkill. Bill and Eric are pressed for time and need to find Russell Edgington (Denis O’Hare) and want Sookie to unglamour Alcide’s employee, Doug. She’s drunk, horny, just threw up on the hunkiest werewolf in the world and a 3000 year-old vampire wants to suck her blood. Sure, let’s go on a Russell hunt!

Sookie is introduced to construction worker Doug and amazingly, picks up some info from this big lug’s mind. She sees that a woman wearing a necklace specific to the Authority did the digging. Is it Nora? Bill accuses Eric of telling his sister-lover about Russell’s location, but he denies the stupid accusation. The bromance seems a little compromised when Bill calls Nora a traitor...just like her brother. Their fight is interrupted by Deb from “Napoleon Dynamite” calling them to inform them that their iStakes will go off at dawn if they don’t find Russell. Her matter-of-factness is amusing.

Speaking of Nora, she is praying fanatically in her cell at Authority headquarters and Salome asks Dieter Braun if they’ve received any word from Bill and Eric. He gives her the run down of their locations, but no Russell. Salome then enters the lair of the Guardian. Roman is all about the speeches, isn’t he? He should run for president but the price for resisting him is quite dear. He laments to sexy Salome about how he thought Chancellor Drew was a great man but even he let him down. Roman refuses to pander to fanatics...methinks he’s quite the fanatic himself.

In an abandoned hospital worthy of a “Ghost Adventures” investigation. Sookie, Alcide, Bill and Eric are led there by Doug’s thoughts. There’s a hideous vision of the skinless Russell being brought inside the building. Bill dismisses Sookie and tells her she can’t go inside. She refuses and reminds them that her microwave fingers render Russell helpless.

It’s pretty damn gruesome inside the Babcock Hospital. Limbs are being eaten by rats, dead bodies are piled up or hung from the ceiling like in a butcher shop. And all Doug is worried about is that if he dies, he’ll never have been to NYC? It looks a lot like this place Doug. Just kidding New Yorkers! But, according to Eric, “New York City smells like pee and the people are rude.” Let’s head to the morgue, shall we? We’ll check back at the end of the episode...

Lafayette the Colorful Demon and Mumbling Jesus

Lafayette gets a couple of wacky scenes tonight. He keeps seeing himself as that crazy demon we met in Season 4. He starts smudging his mantle and the idols start talking and swaying. He wants his ex-lover, Jesus to give him a sign because he needs his help. Jesus DOES show up later to both Lafayette and then his crazy mama, Ruby Jean (Alfre Woodard). But, it’s just his head...and his mouth is sewn shut. It’s mega creepy and leaves us to wonder what the hell is up with this!

Meet the Ifrit!

Do you all recall how kind of slow and almost boring the whole Terry/Patrick story line was at the beginning of the season? Well, tonight, it got really interesting. Their PTSD-riddled squad mate, Eller (The Hurt Locker’s Brian Geraghty) has Terry and Patrick tied up and paranoid that they’ve been followed to his fire-retardant safe house. Patrick is convinced that Eller is the arsonist who has been burning down their fellow solder’s homes. Eller then tells a crazy tale about how he saw one of the fires and that it did not move “normally” . He blames it on a fire monster called an Ifrit, and how it was unleashed upon them by a woman victim from the Iraqi massacre. Yeah right, crazy man! But, in a series of flashbacks, Terry recalls seeing this supernatural creature rising up from the bodies they burned. After he finished off the woman who uttered the curse, of course.

Terry convinces Eller to set them free and to all get out of there because the Ifrit is getting what they want, all of them in one place. Eller complies but Patrick thinks this was an escape plan of Terry’s. Nope! Patrick hits and ties up Eller and they escape. Patrick tries to convince ranting Terry that they were on drugs and hallucinating that night and there’s no such thing as this curse. Tell that to poor Eller who has a meeting with “Smokey the Islamic Fire Demon” and burns alive.

Butt-Naked Andy and Jason and the Great Shifter Elimination

The last episode left off with Jason and Andy being thrown out of the Faerie Moulin Rouge and being blinded by the light. Poor Jason is now dreaming about and hallucinating his parent’s demise by vampires. A phone call wakes them both from their crazy dreams. They have a pair of homicides to investigate. They try to figure out what happened last night, but Andy just wants to forget about that place and focus on his relationship with Holly.

Andy interviews Sam about his deceased friends and gets the facts that they’re indeed shifters and they go on “runs” on occasion. Jason finds evidence of a wooden bullet in a tree and they ponder whether they were after vampires too. Jason is reeling from discovering that his parents were killed by vamps so he’s not too pleased with their kind right now.

Sam later pays a visit to Luna to give her the bad news about their friends. They’re confused about who would want to hurt these good people. Sam hears a ruckus from Luna’s daughter’s room. Okay...so...she’s a dog (Ghostbusters reference...I couldn’t resist). Luna thinks that Sam should leave but he lets her know he’ll come by tomorrow to check on her. No he won’t! As soon as he leaves, a truck full of masked rednecks open fire on Sam and when Luna investigates, she is shot too. Her daughter Emma narrowly escapes being shot by shifting into a pup.

Tara and Jessica: BFFs?

Hey boys, Tara makes a sexy vampire chick, doesn’t she? I guess you have more time on your hands to apply extra make-up and false eye lashes, but damn girl...it’s worth the effort! Tara struts into Fangtasia but much to her dismay, maker Pam asks her to bartend. After attempting to feed on an annoying girl at the bar, Pam forbids Tara from openly feeding on humans. Tara is clearly in need of more vampire etiquette and Jessica seems more than willing to help. Jessica and Tara talk about their feelings like typical girlfriends except for the part where drinking blood and having sex at the same time is mind-blowing.

There was lots of smoking in this episode wasn’t there? Tara could sure suck one down! She then encounters Hoyt and questions his fangbanger get-up. I think she’s jealous of his make-up application skills. She ruffles his feathers when she tells him to go home to his mama and his come back intrigues her. Don’t ever ask a vampire “my blood’s not good enough?”...they might take you up on it!

Dramatic Scene Juxtaposition!

Did you all like the way Roman’s speech about “traitors in our midst” brought together all of the story lines tonight? Very fitting since we learned a lot about backstabbers tonight. Jason visits his parent’s graves and is still in shock about their deaths at the hands of vampires. Jessica catches Tara drinking from Hoyt in the bathroom stall next to her at Fangtasia and a cat fight ensues. All while Roman preaches that “we will fight and let the night cleanse us of our sins and lead us to victory."

And then the Scooby Gang discovers Russell...thin, pale but still equipped with his snark. “Took you long enough!” Eric bids him a “hello friend” and let’s Russell know they’ve come to finish what they’ve started. “Give it your best shot.”...and in the last scene, it looks like that is exactly what Eric attempts.

So did you guys like the episode even though we got gipped 12 minutes? Did you Google “Ifrit” and see that it’s an actual mythical creature? Will Sam and Luna survive their injuries? And who are the hillbilly radicals who are shooting the “monsters” of Bon Temps?

Our blood lust will be further quenched next week with the uplifting episode entitled, "Hopeless," on HBO at 9 p.m. ET/PT:

The aftermath at the asylum leaves Sookie with an eerie sense of foreboding. At Fangtasia, Pam breaks up a vamp-girl fight, praising Tara for her tenacity. Lafayette visits Ruby Jean (Alfre Woodard), who also received a disturbing message from Jesus. Fearing for his family’s safety, Terry blames his curse for his troubles with Arlene (Carrie Preston). Alcide challenges J.D. (Louis Herthum); Sam offers to help Andy investigate the recent shootings; Roman lays out his plans to take out Russell.