'True Blood' recap: 'Gone, Gone, Gone'

Bill gets religion. Courtesy HBO

Yes, this last episode was a tad shorter and fans were not pleased but we gained some closure and answers that are, no doubt, leading up to a big finale. “Gone, Gone, Gone” was Terry and Alcide-free ... did you notice? There were a few little hints of things to come though, so put away your tear-soaked Hoyt hanky and get ready for the two remaining episodes!

Deep Im-PACT

We learned a lot in the opening scene. It’s Day Three of the Tru Blood factory terrorism and vampires are on a panicked rampage. Even sweet new vamp, Mike the coroner, comes a-callin’ to take a bite out of Sookie and maybe suck on her toes. It’s a good thing she ordered Chinese take-out. Poor Sookie just can’t keep her house blood-free for long!

We find out a lot in this episode. Hoyt is heading to work on an oil rig in Alaska and, of course, his overbearing mama ain’t too pleased. Hoyt then calls a meeting at Merlotte’s with Jessica (the Cheeto-headed tramp) and Jason. He begs Jess to glamour him as a going away present. He wants to forget about her and his ex-bestie, Jason. Reluctantly, she does as he wishes and the memories of their love and his friendship with Jason are erased. It’s sad. Apparently, lots of tears were shed by loyal viewers.

Bon Temps is not a safe place for non-vampires so Sookie is heading to Jason’s to stay. While packing, they discuss Gran’s clue about discovering who killed their parents. Super smart Jason does some more investigatin’ and discovers an old scroll in the floor boards under Sookie’s bed. Its adorned with some illegible, funky characters that they take to a local linguist. Well, duh! Of course they have one in town! It’s not human writing so they need to check further.

The Claude-faeries may be of assistance so they head to the club. Claude and his sisters aren’t that old, however ... only 150. But old, trampy Maurella is 500 and should be able to help. She’s preggers by the way ... how long ago did she make love to Sheriff Andy? Oh please let it be his baby! Anyway, she magically deciphers the words (written in faerie blood) and it turns out that in 1702, a distant, male relative of Sookie’s made a pact and promised his first fey-bearing female child to M. Warlow. Turns out, it’s Sookie. Shocking! Oh, by the way, why was this pact made?

Respect My Authority!

Back in New Orleans, iStake inventor and Authority traitor, Molly, sees just how well her invention works. Unfortunately, THIS time, there wasn’t a glitch. Giddy Steve loved the show but was put in his place by Salome. I guess the blessing of the blood made Russell extra hungry because he takes Steve out for Greek. In a sick juxtaposition of dead frat-boy bodies and sexual glee, we see a new romance forming between Russell and Reverend Steve. Russell thinks he’s dashing!

Reverend Steve is still doing the TV circuit for the American Vampire League (AVL) and is doing a hell of a job fooling the country into thinking the Authority has nothing to do with the bombings. He also loves his new little wolf pup but little does he know that Luna and Sam are desperately trying to get Emma back.

Jessica is also a reluctant new resident of the Authority headquarters and we can see that she is concerned about the change in Bill. She is also reminded of her parent’s fanatically religious ways.

After a forced, blood-induced hallucination, Eric sees his evolved maker, Godric (Allan Hyde) and tries to convince him that he attempted to help Nora. Then naked Lilith (get her a damn robe or something) appears behind Godric and rips out his throat. Bill watches from a surveillance room and cannot see what Nora and Eric are seeing. Thus, promoting the theory that the blood is causing these false visions? What do you think?

Apparently, this vision helped Eric to come over to the darker-side but are we convinced that he’s not just faking it to save his ass? Me thinks he has some big plan up his sleeve. He also forgives Russell for the sins he committed against his family. Yeah, right. Russell kisses Eric’s hand and reminds him that he’s getting the better end of the deal.

In a fantastically acted final scene, the Authority members are discussing “education reform” regarding their Vampire Bible and its translations so that all the vamps of the world will learn about Lilith. Russell reminds them that they are not viable creatures during the day and that they should harness and study faerie blood so that they could day-walk. They did it with human blood so why not try to synthesize faerie blood? Genius! Salome challenges him and gets pushed. We see the old Russell emerge and start reverting back to his native tongue (reminiscent of Gary Oldman’s Dracula). Russell will not be constrained by their God ... he wants the sun! Do you think he’ll get it?

Elijah Would

New sheriff of Area 5, Elijah, has some demands and suggestions for Pam and Tara. A profitable glory hole idea, for one.There’s also a new procreation mandate where 30 new baby vamps must be made before the end of the year or he not only takes all of Pam’s assets, but also Tara. Pam looks defeated and will have none of this crap. She wants to continue to live in the wind like she did with Eric.

Tara won’t take this lying in her coffin. She fakes an emergency and calls on Elijah for help with a "victim." The girl stabs Elijah and Tara decapitates him. Pam walks in on the mess and Tara proclaims that "we’re not running." How much are you loving Tara as a vampire?

Sunday it’s “Song of the Dead” ... the second to last episode of the True Blood season! Check it out on HBO at 9 p.m.ET/PT.