How to speak Apocalypse: A Doomsday Primer

BY AARON SAGERS

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel confused.

Instead of a lone doomsday-sayer on a city street corner with a sandwich board, the news media and popular culture have taken to talking about the end being nigh. Especially with the 2012 Mayan calendar predictions, the big one has become big business. But not all end-of-days scenarios are equal within the world of dedicated apocalypse nerds.

There are multiple theories that go beyond the zombocalypse or rise of the machines, and even the words themselves that are used to describe humanity’s last hurrah have different meanings, depending on the groups that use them.

To understand the nuances of the language of the end times, we compiled the following key phrases from the nerd set as a glossary to go out on, along with the help of John R. Hall, a professor of sociology at the University of California, Davis, and author of Apocalypse: From Antiquity to the Empire of Modernity.

Read the entire doomsday glossary over at CNN.com's Geek Out!

New 2012 book: Doomsday prophecies cause world of trouble

As a physics professor, Dr. Christopher Keating knows the world is not going to end any time soon. But that doesn’t mean the myth of the apocalypse can’t cause harm.

"I hear the argument that predictions made by doomsday prophets like Harold Camping are harmless because the majority of people will ignore them. But many people ruined themselves financially because of Camping’s prediction that the rapture would occur on May 21. In the past, predictions like this have even led people to commit suicide. It’s difficult to stand by and watch while people are harmed because of someone like Camping.” said Keating, author of Dialogues on 2012: Why the World Will Not End.

“Science and religion have both been misused by fearmongers to promote the idea that the world will come to an end in October, in 2012 or whatever comes next. There is always the next crackpot who thinks he has all of the great answers. I wish there was a way to convince the public that these people are merely putting forth these ideas for their own self-promotion and profit. Just look at Camping. He originally predicted the rapture would occur in 1994 and people believed him. Now, even though he was wrong last time, people mindlessly followed him again!”

No Rapture-riffic Wilhelm Screams

So the Rapture didn't happen.  That seems like a good thing. Still, we were kind of looking forward to it just a smidge mainly to check in on God's sense of humor.

There was a running joke around PPC HQ about whether the Almighty might drop a few true believers, mid-Rapture, and make them elicit the famous Wilhelm Scream (which is celebrating it's sixtieth birthday this December). Classic. And for those who don't know what the famous Hollywood sound effects is, check out the video below and simply picture the comedic potential lost on our Rapture-less world.

The Camping Rapture, Social Media Apocalypse & Doomsday Entertainment

Even Doomsday sayers need editors

In case you hadn't heard, the end is nigh. As in, like really, really nigh - if Harold Camping and his Family Radio Network is to be believed.

According to the Christian evangelical, who has previously predicted the end - obviously unsuccessfully - the Rapture will occur on Saturday, May 21, at 6 p.m. (apparently in each time zone so there is less of a rush of the chosen few for the pearly gates). After that, the world has about six months to go to hell, literally, before Jesus shows up for his Second Coming.

The upside to Camping's prediction is that he has been wrong before.  The downside: Dec. 21, 2012 is just around the corner, when the Mayan calendar ends and possibly signals yet another end-of-world situation.

But there is still more good news. Pretty much since the beginning, humanity has been thinking about the end. The only thing that makes Camping's prediction unique is that it's really the first Social Media Apocalypse.

His movement gained attention because the message was spread across the Internet. Even when the theory is being mocked, it is still being propagated. Not unlike a "winning" Charlie Sheen clip, auto-tuned "Bed Intruder Song" or hated Rebecca Black "Friday" video, the Camping Rapture has gone viral. It is maligned but widely known and is the topic of many conversations. So while the revolution will not be televised, the end of the world will be YouTubed, Facebooked and Twittered (in 140 characters or less).

Plus, let's face it, both the Camping Rapture and the 2012 Mayan Calendar theories keep us enthralled because the end of the world is damn fine entertainment. Whether the end really is here or nowhere near, the end to apocalypse porn - like the Camping Rapture - is nowhere in sight.

Apocalypse porn isn’t a new thing in the media, either. In a thesis project studying genre fiction from the last 200 years, Chandra Phelan writes the main thing that’s changed is a spike in unexplained end-of-world scenarios in the mid-1990s.