'The Strain' Recap: 'Dead End'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Last week, Dutch ended up in a world of trouble, Coco was shot then saved by the Master's worm juice and Eph continues his reign of incompetence. Let's do this.

First and foremost, massive TRIGGER WARNING.

Dutch is locked up, chained in a padded room when Eichhorst appears, bringing a friend. After forcing some schnapps down the guy's throat, he drained him and broke his neck. Nothing like a human cocktail occasionally. It relaxes him. If you were trying to shake her up man, it worked. When asked what he's going to do to her, the response is an enigmatic 'everything.' Eichhie, Eichhie...that's so broad. I'm going to have to ask you to be a bit more specific. Also not having a good night? Setrakian who after being knocked out by the one-eared Fonescu, ended up being restrained himself. Shall we make it three for three?

Eichhorst for some reason feels like engaging in small talk with Dutch. You know, what's your name, where're you from, what is something about yourself that no one else knows.... Uh, what? After taking a good long sniff, he goes first - well 70 years ago I was a nobody and then came to fame in fortune in the Nazi party. You? Wait, you became a Nazi because you couldn't get laid? Ooooh girl, you struck a nerve right there.

'The Strain' Recap: 'The Assassin'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

The Battle for Red Hook is over, the battle for the world has just begun. Let's do this.

Eph is still hell-bent on his plan to solve (?) the vampire menace by killing Palmer so to that end, he and Dutch set up a listening station across from Palmer's office penthouse. She's got all the cool gear because she is very good at cultivating 'relationships.' Mmhm. Sure. Meanwhile, the Mayor and Councilwoman Feraldo host a press conference with the good news that Feraldo's Safe Streets Initiative is coming to the Upper East Side...but at a cost. She's levying a 1% tax on all property values to fund it. These are your options folks: pay in bouillon or pay in blood like the people in Red Hook did. What's it going to be? No personal checks or silicone accepted. Hm, suddenly there's not as much applause as there was a few minutes ago.

In the bread van of secrecy, Fet, Nora, and Setrakian discuss the Lumen. Or rather, Abe gives them some history but then assures them that it's really not cursed. Now, let's visit these addresses and find that book! Oh goody. Palmer shows up at Coco's apartment house wanting to make amends because her lurves her. You forgot the boombox man. Rookie mistake right there. She's mad but weakening and we all question the point of this entire story line.

'The Strain' Recap: 'The Battle For Red Hook'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Kelly almost put Zack out of our misery, Coco got fed up with Palmer's antics, and the search for the Occido Lumen continues. Everyone ready? Let's do this.

Eichhorst hires a boat to take him and 20 of his closest friends across the river to Red Hook. Party cruise! Totally nothing at all suspicious about that. Mini-Joker comforts Sad Kelly and Eichhorst of course feeds into her paranoia that Nora has replaced her as the most important female in Zack's life. Well, Kelly, seeing as you're undead and he's not, this actually makes perfect sense. Calm yourself Mama Bear; Uncle Eichhie has a plan.

The team does a post mortem after Kelly's visit. Eph tries to reassure Zack that it wasn't his fault. I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree with you there Eph. At any rate, they can't stay at Fet's anymore. Even though Dutch left to be with Nikki, Fet feels he should let her know they're leaving. Nora, who has had it with Eph and his East Coast pants tour, goes with Fet, leaving Eph and Zack to accompany Setrakian on his mission to warn the authorities that yes, Virginia, there are vampires in Red Hook. Hey, we haven't checked in on Dutch for a while. Must we? Ugh. Fine. The initial joy in being reunited has worn off: Dutch is a bad influence, Nikki's timeline story doesn't check out. Into this morass Fet and Nora venture and Nikki is singularly unimpressed as it's not them that Kelly is after. She's got a point. Dutch would very much like a sausage taco but that ain't gonna happen so she's going to have to pick a side and stay there. Psst. Fet - might I recommend a non 'passionately destructive' relationship? Less exciting but also less bunny-boiling so really, everyone wins.

'The Strain' Recap: 'Intruders'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Eph vows vengeance on Palmer and Fet was replaced by Nikki in Dutch's...heart. Let's do this.

Demoing his new show, Dead Eye for the Vamp Guy, Eichhorst gives Kelly a makeover to allwo her to pass as human. A wig, a little contouring, a turtleneck for the turkey wattle and voila! Instant Mom. In other news, wig watch is back in force. I hope he sprung for the deluxe package with the acting class. Ten bucks says she'll still be a better parent than Eph.

Eph and Fet compare notes on who is undertaking the dumber plan: killing Palmer vs tracking a magic book for a spell to kill vampires. I don't know guys; it's kind of a toss up. So Fet...do you know a guy? This is New York after all. Over at the Stoneheart group, Coco wakes up after taking Palmer's butter and we all gag. She feels safe there with him so she clearly deserves whatever fate has in store for her. Much to do though, like meeting with the Cardinal about the super sekkrit book, deal with Eichhorst whom she hates because he makes Palmer sad. She's on his side... and back ... and front...

'The Strain' Recap: 'The Born'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

The Master got a brand new bag, Eph got more people killed, Dutch crawled out of her hole but Quinlan is in the house so let's do this.

Flashback! Setrakian tells the history of the Born who got his start as a gladiator and a vicious one at that. How he kept from eating those he vanquished I'll never know. The arena was his life until the Roman senator Sertorius, knowing all about the occult, decided to sponsor him. I may have watched too much 'Monty Python' as all I can hear when listening to them talk is Michael Palin saying 'Biggus Dickus.' Anyway, the gladiator accepts and is rechristened Quintus. Onward!

You know what is not great morning after pillow talk? Pining for your roommate/girlfriend when still unclothed from the previous evening's shenanigans. She needs to go have her passionately destructive relationships somewhere else and leave our man V alone, amirite ladies? Breaking into her apartment, they find Nikki hiding under the stairs and suddenly Fet finds himself odd man out. No worries V; you've got all of twitter ready to help you mend your broken...heart.

'The Strain' Recap: 'Identity'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Eph shaved his head for the worst disguise ever, bailed on New York, and killed his boss. Let's do this.

Okay, so apparently the leader of the charred vamps was 'Vaun' and not Quinlan as Q has arrived and He. Is. Pissed. So pissed that he gives a refrigerated truck filled with shrimp to a homeless guys. Scampi, anyone?

Eph, er, 'Jonathon Crowley' surprises his old friend Rob Bradley in DC to use his contacts to manufacture and spread the counter-infection. So are we going to talk about the blood on your shirt or nah? But first we need to meet my National Guard contact as 'bio-weapon' tends to have hugely negative connotations around here. So, loverboy, what's her name?

Fitzwilliam is introduced to Team Babysitter and no one's really impressed. Zack is still a brat so nothing's changed and Dutch is missing which makes us all happy. Nora, bless her heart, tries to connect with Zack and he actually isn't a complete jerk to her. Personal growth? Meanwhile, Gus needles Angel in the Indian restaurant until he finally confesses that yes, he was the 'Silver Angel'. And what exactly did you hope to accomplish by doing that Gus?

'The Strain' Recap: 'Quick and Painless'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Sorry guys, I was on vacation last week but we know that Fet got arrested, Eph is overconfident that the infection breakage works, Setrakian and Dutch attempt to recruit Fitzwilliam to their cause, Gus meets Angel and sadly flirts with the restaurant owners' daughter, the feelers are creepy as all get out and is Kelly nursing them?! Note to The Master: this is how you freak everyone out and Gus? I'm available for hugs and other comforting...things. Ahem. I'm out of practice but let's do this.

The infection of the virus works but the Master isn't a fan as he's making the infected-infected commit mass vamp suicide. Meanwhile, Operation: Take Back Our City has the police clearing buildings room by room, floor by floor. They're good but they're no match for the creepy as hell feelers and two of the police go down. They return to Mama Kelly and is she...singing...to them? Apparently mothering instincts transcend metamorphosis. Just don't let her near wire hangers.

'The Strain' Recap: 'Fort Defiance'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Y'all, I thought that by having ready the books I'd know what was going on. Ha. Haaaa. Nope. Okay, time to make sense of this mess. Let's do this.

Even vamps are vain as Bolivar's wig is worse than Eph's. But like Kelly, he's been allowed to keep his voice so can tell the cops who stop him helpful things like 'don't touch the soil.' They of course don't listen and bcome instant vamp chow. The man told you, you didn't listen. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

Eph and Nora administer the chain breaker serum and it's working. It's working! It's...not. Dammit, back to the drawing board. Perhaps a smidge less potent next time?  But that's why we experiment. Onward! Setrakian takes a moonlit stroll by himself to tag a vampire and collect a worm. Uh, what? Know who else is playing a dangerous game? Gus. Quinlan's putting him through the express training camp in order to execute plan: kidnap Eldritch Palmer. *Flips frantically through books*; where did this happen? Oh right, it didn't. Huh?

'The Strain' Recap: 'By Any Means'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Last time, Kelly gets a new family, Eph and Nora do science, and Setrakian was even grumpier than usual. Let's do this.

Gabriel! You're looking rather...Goth...this evening which is good because you have been chosen for great and wormy things. I'll also say that the feelers are creepy as all get out but if you displease Mama Kelly, well, there is no place for you here. That's some tough love right there, Kelly.

Eph and Nora experiment on the older couple who got turned, you know, for science. Okay man, I get it but there's a fine line between science and butchery and you aren't a very good skater. Fet has no time for their shenanigans because Setrakian is cranky that he can't find a clue he knows is in the books about an ancient book from the storage unit. Might I interest you in the Dewey Decimal System perhaps? I hear it's very good.

Flashback to Vienna when a young Setrakian was an associate professor in Vienna. In the midst of class, a young Eldritch Palmer visits with a quest for the legendary cane of Jusef Sardu. I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that this partnership is doomed to not end well.

'The Strain' Recap: 'BK, N.Y.'

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Welcome to Season Two of The Strain, kids! Things are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better. Let's do this.

You know what we need? A flashback to how it all began. Setrakian's grandmother tells a young Abraham the story of the Romanian nobleman, Jusef Sardu, a gentle giant beloved by his village but but by his father because his great size was a source of immense personal shame on the family. To cure the gigantism, he needed to consume a wolf heart so a-hunting we shall go. Except that the hunters became the hunted by the love child of Gollum and Voldemort, The Master. Sardu tried to fight the monster off with his wolf's head cane (!) but alas, he could not. The Master coveted Sardu's great size and after stinging him, stuffed Sardu's mouth with loam from his coffin and vomited blood worms to seal the deal. I guess putting a ring on it was too old-fashioned. Returning home, the changed Sardu preyed upon the village children, calling them from their beds for treats as he had before. One day, Abraham, you will face Sardu and you must defeat him. The moral of the story? Folk remedies are a bad idea and projecting expectations onto our children knows no boundaries.

'The Strain' Recap: 'The Master'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Wowsers. We've arrived at the season finale already. Last week Gus was taken by the Vampire Hit Squad, Palmer was healed by The Master and Nora released her mother after Bolivar gave Mama Martinez a little tongue action. Let's do this.

What is the first thing one does when restored to health? Loot a vamp-ransacked pawnshop of course. Eldritch dear, your health is the least of your concerns if you are commandeering preserved hearts. Oh look, it's Eichhorst. You're looking well Palmer, but not immortal. Wait, what? Relax man, you are The Master's Chosen One...eventually. Ugh, think we'll get lucky and they'll kill each other?

Random gun shots and grown-ups arguing wake Zack from a really nice dream he was having about his mom and a bike. Abe tries to tell Zack the truth about the dangers they are facing but Eph shoots him down. Hey dad, when can we go home? Hm, how about half past never?

'The Strain' Recap: 'Last Rites'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Only more more week left in this season, Strainiacs! Last week Eph, Nora, Vas, and Abe chased the rats into their lair while Zack went after contraband cigarettes for Mrs. Martinez confirming that no one makes good decisions. Let's do this.

At the Stoneheart Group, Palmer's not having a good day and Eichhorst is gloating. But he has faith in the Master dammit, he made a promise! So close to your goal Eldritch and now you can't see the forest for the trees anymore. Also: you're an idiot if you think The Master will turn you. The almost-conquering heroes return to the pawn shop where Zack basically says thanks for leaving me with the crazy old lady all day dad. Abe's about ready to turn this temper tantrum up to eleven but first, he needs to commune with his pet heart.

Flashback! A young Abe asks for information about a German or odd disappearances in an Albanian village. He's tracked the strigoi there and is *this close* to his goal of confronting The Master and thus ending the scourge. Along for the hunt is his wife Miriam. We're close honey, I can sense it. The six-fingered man will pay for his crimes. Sorry, wrong movie. Anyways dear, I'll be back by sundown.

'The Strain' Recap: 'The Third Rail'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Last week on "The Strain," Kelly joined Matt in Undeath 'til they do part. Alas, they were parted. Poor Matt, he couldn't catch a break in life or undeath. Dutch headed out on her own and Abe has had it with all of them. Let's do this.

In the basement of the Pawnshop of Horrors, it's model building time. Trying to rig up a UV light bomb to take out The Master is proving difficult but Vasiliy might have solved the strobing problem with the addition of a fog machine. Even the undead like to party you know.  Upstairs, Mama Martinez is freaking out so Nora has two crazy people to deal with, only one of which she's fairly certain loves her.

Gus! The guy has had a really, really rough night but it ain't over yet hon. Returning home, he finds brother Crispin turned and as useless in undeath as he was in life if how glued he was to the TV is any indication. Gus is all, hell no! Im'ma take out all my rage on your sorry vampire ass. Now, where's Mom?

'The Strain' Recap: 'Loved Ones'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Last week ON "The Strain," the infection struck close to home while Eph made terrible relationship choices. Let's do this.

Incredibly bored, Zach starts playing around with the merchandise in Abe's pawn shop. Nothing seems to work but he finds a laptop with a very weak signal so what does he do? Play 'find my phone' to track down Kelly. Okay, y'all have a super-hacker in residence and it takes a kid to think of this? I weep for humanity. Miracle of miracles, he gets a location hit. Eph, the package is on the move. Grab your weapons and Go! Go! Go! But first, Eph needs to justify why he has to go after Kelly. Nora, please grow some balls. Any requests while I'm out? Yes, I'd like a cheeseburger, a new iPhone 6 and oh yeah, my mother please. While Eph plays Colombo, Abe, Dutch and Vasily plot strategy which is limited to infiltrating The Stoneheart Group to bring the internet back. Way to prioritize guys.

With the location of Kelly's phone in hand, Eph finds her phone....with a homeless lady. It's okay ma'am, he's not a cop. He's a "doctor." Oh, will you look at my leg? If you tell me where you found this phone. Deal. Really Eph? Bartering your skills for information? For shame. He finds Kelly's car unlocked and with a bloody rag in it. Let's be honest; things don't look good for the former Mrs. Goodweather.

'The Strain' Recap: 'The Disappeared'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Last week was Escape from the Convenience Store and Jim grew balls right before he died. Let's do this.

Kelly's friend Diane drops Zack off at home and isn't thrilled that the house looks empty but sure kid, go on in. The place is trashed, thanks zombie-vamp Matt! Team Bread Truck pulls up as Zack fights off Matt inside. Uh, a little more urgency there Eph? Papa Bear instincts kick into overdrive and Eph smashes Matt's face in. The price is wrong, bitch. You just know that was satisfying for Eph on so many levels but oh my lands is that kid gonna need therapy.  Abe goes right for the basement but Eph decrees that if Kelly is there, nothing happens to her while Zack is present. Speaking of Zack this kid is really calm. Note to self: stock up on vampire and zombie video games to prepare the kids for the coming apocalypse. Also, get the kid out of there; if Kelly's turned, she's coming right for him.

Let's check in with Felix and Gus. Yep, still in the holding cell and Felix is a lovely shade of light green. Moving on. Eph blows off the whole 'I escaped from the FBI' thing, what's more important is that I clean up the house before your mom gets home. Now Zack, get in the unmarked bread truck with the nice strangers who are all pissed off at each other for various reasons while I clean up. Yeah, you'll be doing some 'cleaning up' Eph.

'The Strain' Recap: 'Creatures of the Night'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Last week on "The Strain," the grand plan to use Eichhorst to lead Team Abe back to The Master went awry - though I'm still not sure how killing Eichhorst was supposed to accomplish that but no matter. Let's do this.

You missed? What do you mean you missed?! Sorry but these older vampires are harder to kill; sunlight is the best defense. Well, it's night time now so NYC is a walking buffet unless we can simulate the sun. To the nearest medical supply store! What? Someone got there first for the UV lights? That someone is Vasily and I must say he handles his piece as well as he handles rats. Dude, what are you going to do with 12 lamps? Um, probably the same thing you are Eph. Well, I'll give you three. Nah, we'll take six. Okay done. Vasily, you are a terrible negotiator.

'The Strain' Recap: 'For Services Rendered'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Last week on "The Strain," we met Vasily's dad, saw Eph sprung from the FBI and Abe took charge of his reluctant group of believers. Let's do this.

Joan's husband returns home from his business trip to make a detour to the country club bar so he clearly missed his wife a lot. The nanny warns him his wife is sick and she has the kids and you many not want to come home. Nonsense. Home, Jeeves. Ruffians have invaded Westchester though and he barely escapes to the safety of his home. Joan, I love what you've done with your hair; it's so Beetlejuice meets The Joker. What honey, don't you have a kiss for your wife?

In Abe's workshop of horrors, the new master plan is discussed and no Eph, the six o'clock news is still not an option. Eph cannot suspend his disbelief that to end the infection, all they have to do is the Master and the rest die.That's not how biology works; that's not how any of this works! Eph, you are dealing with vampire worms; your argument is invalid.

'The Strain' Recap: 'Occultation'

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BY DAWN FEAKES

Last week on "The Strain," Eph went on the run, Mama Martinez had the best plan for busting out of the nursing home and Vasily strongly reconsidered ever going back into the tunnels again. Let's do this.

It's the countdown to the occultation and the crazy is gaining strength. I just hope they bring back Elvis. We finally see who is the mostly naked chained up guy. It's no one we know but Eichhorst has him as his own personal soda stream. Geez man, couldn't you have put your face on for dinner or something?

The FBI is looking for Eph so they arrive at Kelly's house. She has no idea where he is because separated, remember? Plus the live-in boyfriend thing. But they're not stupid as Eph is skulking around the cars to get to her. Across town, rival exterminators taunt Vasily about being scared of what's in the tunnels. Yeah, pretty sure he doesn't care what you think guys; he's got his notebook and that's that.

FX's 'The Strain' Returning for Season Two

This promo shot caused some controversy. Understandable.

Some good news just came out of Canada for fans of the Guillermo del Toro-created FX series, "The Strain." A second season is about to be announced announced by the network. The series is shot in Toronto and Global News Canada recently learned that they're heading back in November to shoot season two. The first season was also shot there from September 2013 to April.

"The Strain" is based on Del Toro and Chuck Hogans trilogy of books about an virally vampiric ancient threat to modern humanity and stars Corey Stoll, Mia Maestro, Sean Astin, and David Bradley.

A little more about "The Strain" from FX...
"The Strain" is a high concept thriller that tells the story of "Dr. Ephraim Goodweather," the head of the Center for Disease Control Canary Team in New York City. He and his team are called upon to investigate a mysterious viral outbreak with hallmarks of an ancient and evil strain of vampirism. As the strain spreads, Eph, his team, and an assembly of everyday New Yorkers, wage war for the fate of humanity itself.

Co-Creators, Executive Producers and Writers Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan co-wrote the pilot script for The Strain, which was directed by del Toro. Emmy® Award winning Writer and Producer Carlton Cuse serves as Executive Producer/Showrunner and Writer. Gary Ungar also serves as Executive Producer. The series is produced by FX Productions.

The sixth episode, "Occulation," airs this Sunday at 10 p.m. ET. Check back here for recaps after the episodes air.

"Occulation" Synopsis:
After warning Kelly to leave the city with Zack ahead of the spreading plague, Eph is arrested by the FBI. Eichhorst has one final job for Gus, while Setrakian realizes that the coming eclipse is the tipping point for virus infection and the beginning of the end.

(Thanks to Dread Central for the heads up on this news.)

-Larissa Mrykalo

'The Strain' Recap: 'Runaways'

Courtesy FX

BY DAWN FEAKES

Last week on "The Strain," we had a secret autopsy, and unexpected confession and definitive proof that Setrakian did not, in fact, remove the sword blade from his Cane of Justice. Also I'd like to give a shout-out to Harriet for reminding me that 'Maggie' is the Secretary of Health and Human Services and not Palmer's press secretary. Thanks for keeping me honest Harriet! Okay, y'all, let's do this.

Worried about an increasingly unresponsive Gabe, Ruby gets a doctor to make a house call as the show must go on. Aw, Ruby, that was so nice of you to order lunch in for him. Guess that concert's not happening after all.

Abraham and Eph, you've just beheaded two vampires; what are you gonna do? Make eggs of course. And we get some back story on Abraham and The Master: he was the boogeyman in Gran's stories back in Romania but Abraham, don't you know that all the stories are true? The Setrakians were sent to a concentration camp and guess who was in charge? Our old friend, Eichhorst.

We haven't visited with Joan in a while and she's in bed sick. Her kids are sweet and made her breakfast in bed which she promptly spits out to the nanny's concern. She looks like hell and is fixated on her daughter's neck and lady, get those kids out of the house right now.

Abraham doesn't sugarcoat it for Eph - this is not a disease you can cure; the infected are no longer people and every last one must be killed. It's the only way to save the rest. Eph's down with that, at least until he has enough evidence for a city-wide quarantine. Okay, let's go visit the Barbours and here's what I need you to do - cover me with this super-sweet gun that fires silver nails so I can get close enough to use the sword. Got it? And, break. Guys, if you are going to make a victory feast after each visit, you'll never get through the list.