Monday, April 1, 2013

'The Walking Dead' recap: 'Welcome to the Tombs'

Finding the Governor's handy work. Courtesy AMC
BY DENISE PURVIS

Here we are, the big finale of Season Three of The Walking Dead. And after a season-long build-up to a big Rick/Governor showdown, and promises of a high body count, we have a lot to look forward to. Or do we?

We begin with a shot of The Governor beating someone up. Is it Andrea? Nope, it's Milton. I guess the Governor did know it was him who torched the Woodbury walkers. He seems to enjoy beating the crap out of Milton. Then again, he is a psychopath. Milton wants to know what Penny would think about the Governor being a big ol' psycho. The Guv figures that she would be scared of him anyway.

Milton worries about Andrea, but no need to be worried. She's alive, but oops, he's the one that's going to have to kill her.

Dun-dun-dun!

Milton decides he's not going to use the Governor's raping tools to kill Andrea and attacks him instead. The Governor makes the decision for him. He gives Milton a gut injury that is sure to kill him. Since Andrea is tied up, he's going to turn and maul her. I guess that's one way to get things done. Funny how the Governor loves using walkers as weapons.

Rick and the crew packs up their cars and haul ass to avoid a massacre -- or so it seems. Carl is being bratty Carl again. Rick seems pretty flippant and says that most kids forget things pretty easily. Um, sir, have you not met bratty Carl before? That kids is like an elephant. Why are most of Rick’s visions of pregnant Lori? Couldn't he envision sweaty, sexy Lori instead?

As they pack up, Daryl makes it clear he knew Merle sacrificed himself for the gang. So Merle dies a hero and Daryl seems cool?

Michonne seems like a pretty reasonable person. She told Rick she didn't fault him for almost turning her over to the Governor. She also thanks him for taking her in. Hey, Michonne, don’t thank me, I'm just a weirdo who sees my dead wife. Thank my creepy son Carl. And are we seeing a little romantic chemistry brewing between the samurai and the sheriff? (By the way, that's my new show, coming this fall: The Samurai and the Sheriff.)

Read more after the jump...


Oh, Ty. You must realize that you can’t reason with a madman. Ty offers to leave Woodbury once they Governor returns from battling the people at the prison. Dude, you should have left a long time ago.

I like how the Woodbury gang came up on the prison like gangbusters. Ka-Pow, guard towers gone. The Governor is trying to be all sneaky, but for no real reason. It looks like they came a-knocking but no one was home.

Back at Woodbury, Milton is dying a slow and miserable death, but at least he left Andrea the pair of pliers by her feet. He could have put them in her hands or something, but eh, I guess you do what you can do. Milton instructs Andrea to stab him in the head when she gets free. Girl, you better work fast because that man just stopped breathing. Psych! He just started talking, but you still need to move a little faster than what you’re doing. (Too bad she doesn't have monkey toes like me.) Andrea tells Milton about how she stayed because she wanted to save everyone including the Governor at some point. Milton suggests that she hurry up instead of reminiscing.

I mean, seriously, Andrea spent the whole episode chatting more than trying to escape. She deserves to get eaten by zombie Milton.

The Governor and his crew encounter some smoke grenades which set off alarms in the prison. Alarms are zombie mating calls ... or something like that. They have to book it because they don’t want to be zombie bait. Too bad they have to go outside because Maggie and Glenn start firing on them pretty heavily. Sorry suckers.

The Grimes Gang runs off the Woodybury crew, and there was much rejoicing.

A kid heads into the woods from the Woodbury crew. He holds his hands up and offers to hand Carl his shotgun. Carl takes no chances and shoots the kid in the head. Carl is a little psycho! Hershel looks surprised and disgusted. I went back and watched it a couple of times, and Carl even seems a little surprised that he shot him. Then again, that kid maaaybe should have set his gun down or made with the surrender a little faster. I mean, I even wondered if the kid would pull a fast one.

Rick is pleased as punch that they drove the Governor's army away. Hershel confronts Rick about Carl's little "incident." Eh, Hershel, Carl said the kid drew on him. Um, Rick, wasn't Hershel there? Your son is a little killing machine. What’s Rick going to do? Ground him and not let him play violent video games for a week?

The Governor isn't too thrilled that his ragtag army retreated from the prison. It turns out they don't have much fire in their belly for war. And the Governor -- the same one who keeps talking about protecting Woodbury -- snaps and kills them all (well, except for Karen, who smartly hiding under another dead guy). Martinez and Shumpert (I had to look his name up) look freaked out, but still go along with the Governor for an awkward roadtrip.

And the Governor does not go back to Woodbury. He takes off. He apparently lets go off his revenge hard-on and just leaves. Really?

Meanwhile, back in the torture room, Andrea is still talking and only sort of trying to free herself. Time is not on her side as Milton stops breathing, but then his hand starts twitching. That does not bode well for either one of them.

Rick confronts Carl about killing the kid. Carl’s justification is that Rick is a big pussy who doesn’t kill anyone when he has the chance. He has a point, but I still think he’s a little crazy. And for the record, did Rick show compassion and stop for that backpacker a couple episodes ago? Nope.

Maggie, Glenn and Carol decide to stay back to guard the prison while Daryl, Michonne and Rick head out to track down the Governor. That’s when they find his killing spree. Karen approaches them with her hands up. I was a little shocked they didn't kill her anyway, but maybe they thought she'd be a good insider to Woodbury's defenses.

Back in the torture room, Milton reanimates just as Andrea frees one of her hands with the pliers. He approaches her as she's trying to free her other hand. From the sounds of what's going on behind that closed door, it doesn't sound like she’s doing too well in there. But it did look like she got it free in time. No?

Rick, Daryl, Michonne and the new addition of Karen approach Woodbury. Ty seems pretty skeptical about what is going on, so he grills Karen. You know, our fearless leader just shot and killed everyone but Martinez and Shumpert (hahaha ... that name is hilarious). Ty lets them come in the gate to look for Andrea. Good thing they know the location of the Governor’s torture room.

When they fling the door open, they see Milton lying on the floor in a bloody heap and Andrea’s feet sticking out. Michonne tells her that she has a fever when she shows them her incredibly gory neck wound. There's no coming back from that. Andrea asks about the rest of them, and Rick corrects her by saying "the rest of us." How sweet. He says everyone is fine, but glances in Daryl’s direction. I guess he didn't feel like bringing up Merle's demise since she's got veins and arteries hanging out of her neck. Andrea decides she should shoot herself in the head while she still can. Michonne is one sad girl, but tells Andrea that she’s not leaving her side. Daryl looks mournful, but really let's call a spade a spade. She had numerous opportunities to kill the Governor, and she passed on them. So, I guess all of the 27 or so people that died in this episode are really her fault. Or let's just go ahead and blame it on Rick since he's still alive. Damn, Michonne is a good friend.

Bang! Andrea is dead. And really, kind of good riddance to an annoying character.

Rick brings back the rest of the Woodbury townspeople with him. Carl seems displeased. Bratty Carl! Rick looks up at the catwalk, but doesn’t see sweaty Lori, pregnant Lori or bride Lori. I guess all he had to do that whole time was drag a bunch of people back to the prison.

Sinking my teeth in:
  • Where did the Governor go? Are Martinez and Shumpert still with him?
  • I was hoping for a last-ditch move where the Guv would return to the prison and kidnap Carl and Judith. Or something! He just bolted.
  • The music selection was phenomenal, but man, that was one slow finale.
  • So all that build-up with the Governor laying out his torture devices and no pay off? It just looks like Andrea fell down and scraped herself.
  • Carol is now a machete-slinging badass, and Beth gets a kill in.
  • You know I have to mention these people’s hygiene, but man, Maggie’s hair looks fabulous. Did anyone notice how nice Andrea’s feet looked? I’ve got running water and access to nail salons and I am sporting a pair of hooves.
  • They dragged all of those outsiders into the sanctity of their little group. I wonder what is going to go down. Carl is pissed, but what about the others?
  • Also, why leave the relative comfort of Woodbury for the prison? Especially since everyone knows the Governor is a bad dude.
  • We really have nothing to look forward to for next season. There's not a lot of cliffhanging taking place that whets our whistle.
  • I am surprised that Little Asskicker is still around.
  • Overall finale reaction: meh.

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