'True Blood' Recap: 'Shake and Fingerpop'

Hey, ParaPoppers. It’s Monday, which can only mean one thing — rehashing last night’s enigmatic, delirious and sublimely bizarre episode of True Blood. This is something we’ll do every Monday, so tune in — that inbox of yours can wait.


I heart Anna Paquin. I own Fly Away Home. And that gap between her front teeth makes me lament wearing braces. But Ryan Kwanten as Jason Stackhouse rules. For one, he’s Australian. And second, I’ve never witnessed a more beguilingly stupid human—ever.

Fellowship of the Sun Camp

Jason is still turning heads at Jesus camp. After returning from an empowering chatfest with Pastor Newlin, he walks in his cabin to find bloodied bodies and is attacked by a vamp, but it’s rival Luke. As his “dead” bunkmates laugh at their joke, Jason gets serious: “Vampires are not a joke. There’s a war going on … you’re either on the dark side, or the side of the light. There ain't no in between.” Cut to a simmering Luke, and it’s obvious: Jason is the King of Jesus Camp … and thy King weareth a clip-on tie.

Jason is more than thrilled to inform the Lukeinator that he is to be the poster boy for Soldiers of the Sun and that he’ll be moving in with the Newlins. Ridiculed by his bunkmates, who suggest Sarah will use him as a play thing, Jason leaves in a huff, insisting “she’s not like that.” Is Jason Stackhouse respecting a woman? Color me impressed.

The next day, a debate rages: who was the first vampire? Survey says: “Maybe Jesus was the first vampire. He’s the one who said, ‘Hey ya’ll, drink my blood. It will give you special powers.'” Oh, Jason. At least you’re pretty. Jason’s inane argument is interrupted by a gun-wielding Pastor Newlin, who picks J up in a sweet ride. Immediately thinking he’s in trouble (someone’s been having impure thoughts about the good Pastor’s wife …), Jason is on the defensive until he realizes it’s just some male bonding. The two embark on a romp through the forest “killing” cardboard vamps. Boys will be boys. Jason admits to seeing a vampire staked in front of his very eyes, and Newlin nearly drowns in envy. One day soon, he promises.

Bon Temps

At Casa Compton, Bill plays Danny Tanner, with fangs. After walking in on Jessica and Hoyt macking, Bill squashes it. Poor Jessica. Nothing worse than being a teenage vampire virgin. After Jessica admits she’s never even kissed a boy—“I swear I wasn’t gonna bite him!”—Bill sends her upstairs and threatens to throw Hoyt “out a window. That is closed.” Sookie goes maternal and talks Bill into taking Jessica with them to Dallas. Family Road Trip! Pass the Doritos.

Tara peaces out of Chateau Maryann and moves to Sookie’s. Maryann lets her go, but not for long. After popping in Sookie's to tell her things are go for the move, Sookie informs Tara her "fool cousin" is back, so Tara pays Lafayette a visit. And here we pause for the brilliance that is TaraFette banter—in 10 seconds, Tara is a “hooker” (twice), a “b****” and he kicks her out. LaFay’s house is popular, now that he’s home—even Eric drops by. Eric (has he always been so tall?) can smell LaFay’s infected wound and comes to offer his 1,000-year plus blood as a panacea. Dare I say it, but can these two be friends? I can’t wait to find out.


As Sookie disembarks her Anubis Airlines flight (If you are a Lostophile like myself, do not Wiki "Anubis." The cross reference with Richard Alpert and True Blood might make your head explode) in “the most vampire-friendly destination" in Texas, she is almost abducted by a F.O.T.S baddie. Monkey wrench thrown. Bill saves her, natch, and after some glamouring in the back of a limo, it's off to the hotel, where Jessica tries her hand at glamouring and hilarity ensues. Eric shows up for a confab with Bill, who is not thrilled that the Fellowship is involved. Eric admits fear at the thought that if humans could capture a vampire as powerful as Godric, what does that mean for him? Sookie, meanwhile, has a most interesting encounter: the bellboy, who delivers Jessica’s snack (“straight man, b-negative”), shares her mind-reading gift. Oh no he didn’t.

Sookie’s House

A depressed Tara (duh, it’s her birthday), is surprised by Maryann, who has invited all manner of Bon Temps folk over for a party. Daphne hooks up with Sam (shocker) and tells him she knows his secret. Say again? Maryann comes bearing food, which is bad—things from that woman’s kitchen lead to trouble, as evidenced by the trademark gyrating, increasingly less-clad people. This time things get bizarre, even for Bon Temps. As Maryann chants and vibrates, the guests start rolling in the dirt, smashing their faces in cake, all with blackened eyes (think Maya on Heroes). But she's not done. For her next trick, Maryann’s hands morph into three-pronged, clawed hooves dripping with venom. Is she the "scratcher?" All signs say "yes," but it is Bon Temps—I spent the majority of Season 1 thinking Sam was the killer.


—Tara and Eggs= steamier than the bayou.

—From Sookie's childlike exuberance for the mini bottles (‘They’re like booze for dolls!’) to her disgust at the hotel movies (Intercourse with a Vampire? ‘Gross!’), her zingers were clutch.

—Lafayette’s wave cap is back. Huzzah!

—Jessica's and Bill’s travel coffins were so sleek and sexy. Methinks they're Apple products.

—It’s expensive to be a vamp. Eric rocks an iPhone (we’ll assume it’s a 3GS), and one bottle of Tru Blood sets you back $45.

—Three’s company at the Newlins? We’ll see. And really, Sarah: walking around in your lingerie? That's not very Biblical.

—I love Eric and frenemy Lafayette. But please, give us more Pam.

—Sam is still hanging around town. Is he leaving or what? He's like the Michael Jordon of Bon Temps.

So what did you think of last night’s epi? Is Maryann really the creature that’s trolling the swamps of Bon Temps? How do you think Daphne got those scars? Until next time ...

— amy kates