True Blood Recap: "New World in my View."

Dudes. What the meat tree was going down on True Blood this week? Frankly, my "not a fan" radar was in serious overdrive for the majority of the show. It might have had something to do with the fact that about 20 minute prior to the epi, I partook in some serious tacos that tasted delicious going down, but, after seeing my tacos' rotted, stinky, raw, bloody brethren strung up on a tree like this guy's christmas decorations, they, ah, didn't seem quite so appetizing anymore. Maryann is so seriously deranged. I can't wait until she dies ... if she can. I was intrigued to see that the peeps who've gone all black-eyed have stayed black-eyed for a considerable amount of time. I imagine this means her weird maenad powers are increasing. Overall, though, I thought this episode was heavy on ridiculous humor and not solid storytelling.

As Maryann is tying a ribbon 'round the old meat tree, Sam and Andy are in deep cahoots in some seedy hotel room. I can only imagine that Sam knocked on the door in the buff as I sure didn't see any pants, and Andy's face when he opened the door was pretty telling. Sam breaks it down for Andy by telling him that Maryann is immortal, supernatural, et al. "Well, what does she want with you?" a dumbstruck Andy asks Sam. "I think she wants to cut out my heart while a lot of naked people watch." I laughed. Good on you, Sam, for having some awesome lines this week.

The Stackhouses ride back into town with a sleek Anubis Airlines coffin in their vehicle, a coffin that Sookie seemingly forgets exists while she has another of those vivid Eric daydreams. As she shakes it off, her and Jason get an eyeful of their beloved Bon Temps: it's a hot, hot mess. The trio hightails it to Bill's manse only to find a whacked-out Mrs. Fortenberry hopped up on vampier Wii. After some vamp slurs, Jessica lays into Mrs. Fortenberry. Jason makes a gallant effort to get in touch with the police, but no one's there. So he turns all vigilante, honing in on his FOTS training, thus providing me with the only real entertainment this week.
Sam, who stupidly falls for a trick phone call from Arlene, heads to Merlotte's to play big protector and is confronted by a Terry-led black-eyed crew. Turns out Jason Stackhouse is his only savior ... you know ish is bad when it comes to that. But Jason delivers, all sinewy-armed and gorgeous (Sorry. I am but a woman), trading in his paint ball gun for an equally intimidating nail gun. He eventually busts Sam out, only to have the stupid shifter give himself over to the pulsing crowd.

Meanwhile, at LaFay's pad (we were heavy on LaFay this week, the epi's only other redeeming factor),he and Lettie are trying to get Tara out of her trance. No such luck, not even after LaFay pops her one good in the face. Tara chants "He's coming, he's coming, he's coming, he's going to kill us all." I assume she's not talking about the muffin man.

Stupid Sookie traipses into her old place to find it completely destroyed. She also has a not so nice run in with Maryann. She touches her, and something kind of crazy happens—Sookie shoots out this magic orb thing that delights Maryann to no end. What's the deal with that? Bill, stupid, irrational Bill, takes a bite out of the maenad and becomes worse off than Ed Helms in The Hangover as a result. The two speed away from Sookie's to get to Tara after a terrified call from LaFay, who calls his operation "The worse mother ******* intervention in history." Sook gets in the mind-reading groove and has trouble; a little help from her glamouring boyfriend helps her get through and free Tara from Maryann's grasp. Not going to lie, I teared up. For real.

And now for a little comedic break: Andy, Sam and Jason fake God with the help of a gas mask, a stick, leather, aforementioned sinewy arms and the bed of a pickup truck. Hot damn—My Bible is SO off. I didn't know whether to laugh because it was funny or because this whole episode was worse off than a b-movie made on a $10K budget, but I did rewind a few times to watch Sam yell "Smite me mother ******!" Hmm. I wonder if that's on a t-shirt yet? As Jason screams, "I smite you," Sam shifts in front of the whole crowd. He's got some 'splainin to do.

Once Bill puts it all together (I so KNEW that Greek mythology book he was reading with a few epis back would be important), he peaces out on Sookie to get help. He also dolls himself up a little—purposefully striding, secret service-looking Bill brought the sexy back. Where's he going? To the Queen, of course, who begins her True Blood reign on the 30th.

Something about this episode didn't sit so well with me. I thought it was just a little too crazy, it didn't jive. Too much crammed into 45 minutes (it was a shortened epi) maybe. And I'm at my breaking point with Maryann. Lack o' Eric didn't help, either, and I thought it was just almost too silly for HBO. True Blood upps the lunacy on a daily basis, but I don't know that I'd call it campy. This week, I certainly do. — amy kates