The Conspiracy Nut Report: The real cause of 2012

Known only as The Conspiracy Nut, this writer contributes frequently on his theories of machinations, scandals and conspiracies in paranormal pop culture and their connection to the real world. The views reflected in The Conspiracy Nut Report are wacky and (probably, hopefully, maybe?) completely untrue, and definitely not those of However, they are fun to read.

The Conspiracy Nut Report

Most of you didn't even notice it. As you were wrapping up holiday shopping, photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party, or drinking egg nog with the fam while watching "The Grinch," you missed the fact that on Dec. 21 (at 11:11 EST, to be precise) it was exactly three years until the end of the world. Now, since you missed the date, the question on your mind should be, how will it happen ?
It appears open to interpretation as to whether December 2012 will bring total destruction or a transformation of our world. So below are predictions (not necessarily Mayan in nature) for 2012:

  1. The Hollywood “elite” would have you believe there will be a major upheaval. Supposedly, the earth will shake, civilization will collapse around us! To quote a noted parapsychologist, it will be a time of "Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes ... The dead rising from the grave! Dogs and cats living together ... mass hysteria!” Just like in the latest version of movieland drama, we all end up either as toast or like John Cusack fighting to be one of the survivors

  2. (and 3) are what we call the Bruce Willis scenarios. The first scenario is the Twelve Monkeys Bruce Willis. In the film, Willis' character James Cole is sent back in time to save the world from a crazed Brad Pitt with a creepy wandering eye. How it all ends: Monkey Virus. Carried by monkeys, this experimental virus wipes out 99 percent of the population, leaving only one percent left to rebuild. Unfortunately for them, the one percent immune appear to be people afflicted with schizophrenia, leaving a bizarre future run entirely by the insane. 
  3. The second scenario is Armageddon Bruce Willis. In this, Willis' Harry Stamper leads a crude, lewd, oversexed (but lovable, of course) cadre of oil drillers summoned to save the world from a Texas-sized meteor hurling toward the earth. Only in reality this time there will be no theme song from Aerosmith - just rubble and, hopefully, good explosives to eliminate the meteor. 

  4. (through whatever?) The predictors in Hollywood give us many other examples of the end of the world, most of which wrap up badly. Nuclear holocaust seems to be the front runner. Astronaut George Taylor summed it up best when he stared into the wreckage of humanity: "You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"
BUT while all those theories are good, they aren't the most likely, and the one that is "they" won't make a movie about. (And I know because I wrote a script about it and sent one to every major studio, director, producer and actor in Hollywood and none of them will meet with me to discuss it! How's that for suspicious?)

Anyhow, the real end and beginning will be the result of an energy shift! Now that sounds all nice and innocent, but what does it mean?

Well here it is in a highly condensed version: Since 1987, time has been speeding up.

We are heading into an interstellar wormhole. On 12-21-12, the Sun will align in the center of the galaxy; as a result, it has begun releasing an extraordinary amount of torsion waves. These waves will trigger a change in our DNA, and as our genetic makeup changes we will start to experience new symptoms.

This is already happening. For instance, how many of you heard of chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia before 1987? Not many. And now, how many more people claim to be psychic or sensitive? The numbers are growing at an astounding rate. These are all “symptoms” of this great energy shift.

As we pass through the wormhole, time will flatline and our energy will amplify to that of super human potential. In theory, those of us who harbor anger and resentment will fall into chaos, but those of us who hold dear truth and light will rise above this harmonic convergence and become the pioneers of the new civilization.

I could go on and on with other thoughts on the end of the world, but my time is short. No matter what precautions I take, “they” seem to be on my heels.  But just remember, for your own safety, always beware of those trying to make a profit on prophecies .

Keep your minds open and your eyes wide.