'True Blood' recap: 'You Smell Like Dinner'

Sassy at-home critic (and Rental Reviewer) Denise Purvis reviews HBO's vampire soap True Blood each week.

True Blood, recap 4.2: "You Smell Like Dinner"

Fade in to Jason chained to a bed in Methville. Those kids/people are so creepy. One of the kids is cleaning Jason’s head wound by licking it. Hello hepatitis!

Jason: “I’m more of a Band-Aid kind of guy.”

Well, those skanky little kids do seem to like Jason a lot, so it makes sense that the whole beating-and-tying-to-an-old-pee-stained-bed-scheme is brother/ uncle/cousin/fiancĂ© Felton’s doing.

Meanwhile, Eric is landlording over Sook’s house.

Eric: “Funny about ownership isn’t it?—a little piece of paper and the only power you had over me is gone.”

Sookie: “What do you want from me?”
Eric: “Everything.”
Sookie: “You can’t have it.”
Eric: “I bought it.”
Sookie: “You bought my house. The house does not come with me inside it.”
Eric: “Well, then I seriously overpaid.”

It’s great how Sookie is standing there like a game cock while Eric is hashing out how her blood tastes like freedom and sunshine in a pretty blonde bottle. Eric is offering protection. He cares about her. Yeah, yeah.

Haven’t we heard this before?

Bill’s little spy is going to be his treat for the evening … in more ways than one. Apparently her name is Katarina, and she’s a member of his “security.”

1982 Bill Flashback: Punk Bill in London is a riot! He apparently met Nan Flanagan back then, and she tuned him into what will later become the American Vampire League. I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but Louis Pasteur was a vampire, and he’s the one that created the True Blood. Good job, Pasteur.

(This show is ridiculous.)

(And I love it.)

So, Sheriff Andy’s lowdown V problem has affected me negatively. He must have it bad since he’s down in Deliverance-ville trying to score some while Jason’s tied up getting molested/abused by Crystal Meth.

I knew it was a matter of time before her scabby ass resurfaced – and it turns out she resurfaced with a plan to turn Jason into a werepanther and breed with him. Of course she did.

Tara sneaks up on Sookie in a veiled effort to surprise her. Tara, more than anyone, you should know you shouldn’t sneak up on anyone in Bon Temps. You might get shot/staked/bitten. Sook feels bad that Tara doesn’t get a warmer homecoming.

Tara: “It’s Bon Temps, Sook. Ain’t like I expected a red f—in’ carpet.”

They finally elaborated on the Bill/Sophie Anne battle. After some Matrix style warfare, Bill has Sophie Anne shot with silver-cored bullets. There’s no coming back from that. Buh-bye Queenie.

To make Bill’s London scene come full circle, it turns out he had the support of Nan to execute Sophie. Also, Nan seemingly has the power to exterminate vampire royalty, while also allowing the appointment of new ones. Huzzah, King Bill.

Best line of the show (from Pam to Sookie, as Sook waits for Eric to return to Fangtasia):

“Did I miss something? Are we girls now? Did we join a book club and read some queer chick-lit memoirs and now we’re bonded by estrogen or sisterhood or some other feminist drivel?”

I guess that’s what Sookie deserves when she asks Pam for help in getting Eric to relinquish his rights to her Gram’s house.

Sam’s anger management group is just a shifter group. Tommy tries to snoop on Sam and his new (naked!) shifter lady friend Luna. Apparently, she can creepily shift into another human since she killed her mother (another shifter) at birth.

Bill persuades Eric to go and check on the new witch coven in town after his spy alerted him to the necromancy taking place there. Surprise, surprise Lafayette and Jesus are its newest members (with Tara in tow) and they helped bring a bird back to life last week. Now, King Bill is worried the witches will be able to control vampires if they can control the dead.

It must be true since they put Eric into a trance (and he looked genuinely freaked out by the events) and wiped his memory.


Smaller bites:

  • Is Arlene and Renee’s baby slightly evil or is Arlene just paranoid?
  • Jason didn’t sell Sookie’s nasty, little yellow Honda Civic.
  • Hoyt, Pam and Jessica are confronted by the Christian vampire haters, and Hoyt gets the shit beat out of him.
  • Jessica gets caught by Sookie cheating (and feeding) on Hoyt at Fangtasia.
  • I got a good chuckle when Sookie called Eric a “psychopathic frat boy.”
  • Tara’s girlfriend surely must know the difference between a Louisiana and Georgia accent. Maybe not…
  • Advil product mention. Slick.
  • Eric is so creepy when he smiles.