'True Blood' recap: 'Save Yourself'

Bloody bad Bill. Courtesy HBO

Season five of True Blood is now just a memory. Was it a good memory for you? Some say this season lacked what we’ve grown to like about the series. A couple of the story lines (read: Terry/the Ifrit and the Alcide/werewolf plots) were lackluster and seemed unnecessary at times. But the finale culminated in a blood bath, leaving humans in the minority. There were some scenes with long speeches that could have been left out but there were also some really cool effects and a very startling ending.

Eau de Sookie

The episode begins where it left off (as usual). Russell is being blasted by a massive light strike from the faeries. He doesn’t seem too affected by it and mocks them as he closes in on the lot. Remember, Eric has a connection to Sookie and by sensing her fear, he swoops in to not only save the day, but to exact a centuries old blood vengeance on the destroyer of his family. Eric calmly states, “Well that felt even better than I thought it would.”

Russell is now goo and Steve Newlin frightfully flees into the night. Where did he go? Technically we don’t see the true him for the rest of the episode. Sookie runs to her brother’s side to revive him after he was blasted accidentally by the faeries. He wakes up, but now he sees his dead parents. Interesting side effect! Nora catches a whiff of the faeries and runs for Sookie. She wants to know “What is she?” and Eric replies that she’s “a waitress” and that she’s saved his ass numerous times. Eric makes Nora “swear on Godric” that she’ll leave yummy-scented Sookie alone.

Nora and Eric then head to Fangtasia and learn from Tara that Pam has been arrested. My, my, my that’s a nice cash stash they have in the walls! They prepare to fetch Pam from the Authority and even pay a visit to Sookie and Jason. Eric wants Sookie to tag along to the Authority since Bill will (probably) listen to her and come to his senses. She resists but then learns that Bill was the mastermind behind the TruBlood factory bombings. Jason agrees to go along too after ghost daddy reminds him that he’ll be able to kill a bunch of vamps in the rescue mission.

Jason heads over to the abandoned “Stake House” and stocks up for the mission. He prepares Sookie for the fact that he or she may need to kill Bill. There’s a war coming and it’s the humans against the vamps. Jason is at his most “red-neckiest” don’t ya think?

V, Sweat and Beers

Alcide and his daddy seem to be bonding nicely over a BBQ and even talking a little fashion, when up drives Martha with a high-on-V Rikki in her back seat. Way to ruin a great (long) speech about how tough it is to be a parent! We learn that J.D. has been force-feeding the pack V and Rikki may have overdosed on the inferior blood.

Alcide’s pop gives Rikki colloidal silver to help expel the V from her body. She’s sweating blood! She’s also pissed that Alcide hasn’t called her since their passionate night of wolf sex. Priorities, girl!

J.D. needs to be stopped and the only way, is to play by his rules. Papa keeps some good V in the fridge for emergencies and this is one of them. Alcide apparently takes some because he crashes a crazy pack meeting and beats J.D. to death, thus becoming the new pack leader. He has some great ideas and won’t stand for Nihilism! Wait, did Alcide just use the word “Nihilism”? Anyway, he’s now pack master so that’s nice.

Also: Who's blood did Alcide's pop give him since it had to be pretty strong?


Who wants to know what’s in Lafayette’s Cajun Margaritas? Well, luckily Holly, Arlene and Lafayette had some alcohol in them so they could deal with what’s going to happen in Merlotte’s. Andy and Maurella pay a visit and Andy wants to fess up to Holly about his literal TWO-timing with faerie Maurella. First, Maurella wants some salt for some reason. She likes salt A LOT.

Andy tells Holly about Maurella and her pregnancy and before she could get mad, Maurella goes into labor. “My light broke!” Oh dear. No worries though, Holly acts as the midwife for Maurella’s 73rd time giving birth. Plus, Maurella seems to really be enjoying the process. Much to the delight and surprise of Arlene, drunk Jane Boathouse, and fabulous Lafayette (love his pink lace blouse!), Maurella orgasmically births four girls. Four babies fit in there? It must be bigger on the inside. She quickly recovers and tells Andy they’re all his and good luck. How is this story going to play out next season? Who will help Andy raise these halflings? Yeah, probably Holly.

Ahh to Be Fly on the Wall/Billith Rises

Yep, Bill is still crazy and now he realizes that the Authority headquarters has been breached when Sam Merlotte was brought to him as breakfast. Sam’s shifting abilities help him escape and even come up with a nice plan to rescue his girlfriend Luna’s daughter. Bill orders his security detail to scour the building for anything that may be Sam in shifter form.

Salome enters and asks about where Chancellor Kibwe is. Bill admits that he destroyed him when he saw that he was about to drink all of Lilith’s blood. He lies and says that Lilith told him that she was the chosen one. Salome looks pleased, to say the least.

There’s a brief scene with Jessica and Pam in adjacent silver cells. Jess tells her about how fanatical Bill and even Eric have become. Pam doesn’t believe Eric has fallen for this crazy religion but admits that since it calls Sookie and "abomination," it doesn’t seem all that bad. HA!

Why are all the prisoners naked, by the way? Just wondering. Luna is a protective mommy and doesn’t want to leave little Emma’s side. After flying Sam cases the place via air ducts, he has a plan. Apparently the plan is to have Luna shift into Rev. Newlin so that she could escape with Emma. Why didn’t Sam do the shifting, especially after he saw what happened to Luna when she shifted into him? It almost killed her! Sam remained a little fly and the plan seemed to be going well. Until, of course, mean old Rosalyn berates Steve into going on TV to clear up the viral video of he and Russell feeding on frat boys. While on TV, Luna shifts back to herself and before Rosalyn could attack her, Sam the Fly enters her orally and shifts back inside of her. Very messy but extremely cool! Luna collapses and that’s all we hear about that trio.

Eric and Nora are able to get back into the Authority with Tara, Sookie and Jason tied up in the back of Jason’s truck. This was after a long speech from Jason about how he and Sookie fall for unavailable people and how they should just "expect the worst" blah blah blah...

As Salome is about to down all of Lilith’s blood, she is made aware of the surveillance system being shut down (at the hands of Eric and Nora). Now the fun begins. It’s a slippery gore-fest and even cute secretary, Chelsea, gets gooified. Sookie and Tara then rescue Pam and Jessica and, oooohhh, Tara plants a big kiss on Pam when they’re reunited. Jessica saw that one coming.

They are all united in the hallway and Jessica runs to Jason and proclaims her love for him. He refuses her and says that he could never love a vampire. Yeah sure, she’s too damn cute to turn down! They head off to the roof to escape but Eric and Sookie stay back to retrieve Bill. This should go well.

(By the way, if you have HBO GO, check out the bonus scene after the credits and you’ll see what happens in the elevator and a little afterwards. Or you can just watch it here. You’re welcome.)

Meanwhile, Bill is present for the drinking of all the blood by power-hungry Salome. Salome says that she knew that he wanted it for himself but that Lilith chose the strongest. Oh hush honey, Bill is nuts and switched the blood and laced yours with silver. After Salome downs the tainted blood, he reveals his deviousness and stakes her after she utters "Lilith chose wisely." It’s kind of a shame that pretty white dress she was wearing got all messy.

Just as Bill was about to drink the real blood of Lilith, Eric and Sookie bust in and try to redeem him. After Sookie pleads with him, he calls her an abomination and says that she never really knew him. He also quotes the Vampire Bible pretty impressively, talks about fear, and reminds Sookie of what he said the first night they met, "Vampires often turn on those they love the most." Cheers!

What we saw next was actually pretty heartbreaking. We watched Sookie and Eric witness the death of their former lover and friend and re-emerge as a blood-thirsty god who bares his fangs prompting them to flee for their lives. "RUN!!"


What kind of powers do you think Bill will have? Did his fangs seem bigger? Will we find out who and where Warlow is? Where did Steve run off to? Will Luna survive her last shift? We have to wait until June 2013 to find out!