'True Blood' recap: 'Who Are You, Really?'

Alcide gets a lot of wolfy love this week

We haven’t seen Sookie and the gang since Aug. 26 but they’re baaaackkk! First, a fun 15-minute, Retta-hosted special before the episode called #TrueBlood: Live From the Set had the entire cast hanging out at Fangtasia, and chatting about what’s in store for True Blood’s sixth season.

For example, Alexander Skarsgard (Eric Northman) revealed the biggest danger that awaits vamps this season will be humans and the shady governor of Louisiana. So basically, never trust The Governor? Nope! A social media poll also deemed Russell Edgington to be the series’ “Baddest Baddie” and Denis O’Hare graciously accepted the honor.

Tara and Pam’s bond will still be there but the focus will be the human/vampire war and survival. Lafayette will get to use his gift this season and Sam will still have a connection with Luna. Sound good? We shall see.

Now, on to recapping the Stephen Moyer-directed, “Who Are You, Really?”...

Naked, Evil Superman?

Like most season premieres, this one picks up exactly where it left off but we see Bill’s bloody perspective. He arises from the goo and well, just really seems unhappy. Eric and Sookie head for the elevator but not without a juicy Sookie slip and fall first. Billith disables the electrical system but not to worry, Sookie’s built-in flashlight app aids in Eric finding an escape route. They eventually meet up with Nora, Jason, Pam and Tara after the building explodes.

Jessica assumes that her maker is dead but when he emerges from the flames and shoots into the air, they realize they’re dealing with some crazy stuff. During their tension-filled getaway, they’re interrupted by a press conference held by Louisiana’s Governor Truman Burrell (Arliss Howard).

Governor Burrell was accepting of the vampire population at first, but after they started killing innocent citizens due to the terroristic bombings of the Tru-Blood factories, well, now he’s kinda miffed. He urges humans to buy guns and wooden bullets and orders vamps to stay indoors after sundown. He also is closing all vampire-run businesses. Pam ain’t too pleased since she co-owns Fangtasia with Eric. Overall, this car ride is like a long road trip full of whiny kids.

Eric and Nora are clueless as to what Bill has become and Nora, even though she’s read the Vampire Bible “a thousand times” knows nothing of a resurrection chapter. Tensions are high and Jason is all radical anti-vamp now and Pam is pissed that Eric never told her about his pain-in-the-neck sister. Nora expresses that if Lilith is walking the Earth in any form, she must be destroyed. Jessica realizes this means the destruction of Bill and retaliates.

Pam sets Tara “straight” that she’s not a fan of the beach and Tara reminds her that love isn’t a competition. Pam cries, Tara hugs her ... so romantic.

Sookie and Jessica establish their love for Bill and that they’re both afraid of him. Sookie also says that after what she saw happen to Bill, they both need to let him go and that despite Jessica’s fears, she will not be alone.

Nora wants answers about Warlow from Jason. Even Eric doesn’t know who this Warlow dude is but uneducated Jason does. Nora glamours the info out of Jason and he tells her that Warlow was responsible for the death of his and Sookie’s parents. Warlow is apparently in the Vampire Bible and is Lilith’s progeny. Jason then snaps out of it and gets real militant. Sookie’s intervention and defense of the vampires, sends Jason into a rage and he storms off, calling Sookie dead to him.

Jessica then feels that internal pull of her maker. Maybe he just wants her to bring him a washcloth or 20 to get him all clean? Being kept from him is painful as hell and she describes it as “like his fist is squeezing my heart.” Sookie stops the painful intervention and accompanies her to see Bill. No one seems happy here!

As Jason is walking off like a tired, pouty brat, a car pulls over and offers him a ride. Sure stupid, get in! It’s an older man (Rutger Hauer) who seems to know about Bon Temps and doesn’t mind the blood on Jason. He’s also tired and encourages Jason to talk about his family history. Don’t you just wanna smack Jason in his pretty little face? The man later mentions Sookie by name and Jason thinks the man is Warlow. Is he? Or is he Jason and Sookie’s great-grandfather, Niall Brigant? When Jason shoots him, he disappears and the parchment near Sookie’s bedside starts to glow.

Anyway, back to the lure of Billith. Sookie and Jessica arrive at a mansion and follow the bloody footprints to a powdery pile of whatever-the-hell. Is Billith dead? Nope, he’s all shiny and clean and sitting on the porch and just wants to talk. He looks pretty good for what he just went through. When Sookie arrived at the mansion, she broke a stick so she’d have a weapon against him and when Eric showed up and Bill grabbed him, Sookie did not hesitate to stake her former lover.

Wait, why isn’t Bill a puddle of goo? He’s just as shocked as the rest that he was able to simply remove what would normally kill a vamp. Seriously Billy, “What Are You, Really?” He denies that he’s Lilith but admits he’s something more. Sookie wants Bill to stay away and never come back. Jessica gets all defensive, screams “Get out!”, and vows to stay with Bill.

Eric walks Sookie home and offers her money so she could get out of town and start a new life. Seriously, girl, take the damn money...oh right, you’re an idiot! Don’t deny it, when they went into the house, you thought they were going to end up on the couch...and on the floor...and...well, anyway, Eric just wanted a pen and paper. He gives Sookie her home back and says he’ll send her the deed. Sookie just wants her old life back and to be that girl in the white dress who walked into his bar long ago. She rescinds her invitation and he leaves her home. Nora is on the porch and realizes Eric’s love for Sookie. He tells her to not to stir the pot and that they’re to leave Sookie in the past.

After getting painfully lured to her maker, Jessica is super sleepy. Papa Billith brings her a nice glass of Tru-Blood and she enjoys this rare commodity. When it almost spills, Bill realizes that he has the power to stop and move objects. Oh he has so much discoverin’ to do! Bill is afraid that his new power will make him crazy like Civil War General William Sherman and wants Jess to keep his ego in check. Jess agrees to be honest with him and Bill says he trusts her.

Well, it’s a good thing because the final scene has Bill being surrounded by Lilith in all her bloody naked glory. She enters his body and he gasps ala Whoopie Goldberg in Ghost. It was kind of nice seeing shades of the old Bill in this episode but it looks like things will be changing.

“It’s Dead.”
Sadly, it looks like Luna’s shifting days are over. As Sam drags her from the burning Authority HQ, he places his spent shifter-babe down and she asks Sam to take care of her daughter, Emma. She then dies ... did she? We assume. A guard finds her, kicks her and deems her dead.

Sam carries poor, sleepy, motherless Emma to his bar and discovers Lafayette is there guarding the territory. Lala is aware of Luna’s TV stunt and Sam is freaking out because it will surely mean that Emma will face danger. Lala vows to keep their promise and takes Emma to get some greasy food and even have a fun little hair styling session.

Doggie Style
Alcide partakes in a little arm as he assumes his new role as pack leader. A sexy bitch named Danielle appears to him and offers her services. Alcide’s “girlfriend,” Rikki, looks on but is she jealous? Maybe? The pack strips down for a little moonlight celebration run.

Apparently, after a good wolfy jaunt in the forest, wolves enjoy sexy time. Danielle and Alcide in all their glorious “butt”-nakedness start to make-out and Rikki appears. Danielle sheepishly walks away but only to be brought back into the mix by Rikki. Oh my! Doesn’t Alcide look delighted? We think Rikki may take a chunk out of Danielle’s throat but they kiss and Rikki pushes her down onto Alcide’s doggie bone. Rikki reminds Alcide that she’s his number one bitch. In my opinion, this scene was way too short.

Father’s Day
Andy is not taking this new parenthood thing very well. Terry and Arlene are helping with his new litter of faebies but Arlene wants Andy to step up. She gives him that whole “life isn’t fair” and “being a parent is rewarding” speech and then Terry gives him a diapering lesson.

Later, Andy is startled by one of his daughters screaming “Hi daddy!” So they’re like three years old now? Are they potty trained? Arlene and Terry are equally surprised but let’s remember that Maurella’s gestation period was like two weeks or so. What did they expect? Soon Andy will be handing over the keys to his pick-up truck so little what’s-her-name could go out and buy some sparkly make-up.

From Tea to TruBlood
Governor Burrell wants revenue and re-election so he calls a 4 a.m meeting with Ms. Suzuki, a TruBlood executive. So next time you have to go into work for an early meeting, don’t complain!

You see, if Burrell could get the “blood” flowing again, maybe vamps will stop eating the citizens and start paying taxes again. Or so he assumes. The partnership would be silent and Burrell offers up his defunct iced tea factory. Suzuki agrees and they shake on it.

Love Bites
Tara and Pam need to just chill out. They have a wicked fight over love and Eric and how long Pam and Eric have been together. It’s exhausting. Luckily a bang on the door and heavily protected officers with green light emitting guns break up this chick fight. They’re looking for Pam because she’s the owner of the vamp business and they’re there to enforce the Governor’s executive order to close Fangtasia.

Tara defends Pam and gets blasted by the green light gun. We assumed these lights would be more than a stun gun so when Tara falls to the ground screaming, we’re not sure what her status will be. I guess we have to wait until next week!

So what did you think of the True Blood season premiere? Are you excited for Season Six or are you over the series? Next week on HBO at 9 p.m. ET, the fun continues with “The Sun.”