'The Strain' Recap: 'Gone Smooth'

Courtesy FX

You all ready for some real vampires? Good because Voldemort is in the house! Nope. Scratch that. It's Eichhorst putting on his face. Literally. Let's do this.

Again Eph and the rest of the Canary team are told they're off the case as listening comprehension is not one of their strong skills. To the shock of no one, Eph's not happy and Jim gets a mysterious phone call; probably the same masters who made him release the van with the coffin. Oh Jim, the fate of humankind rested on your shoulders and you blew it.

Andrew the Survivor returned home to a wife who is barely retaining her grip on reality. Honey, you're sick but get better because I can't do this alone! So, no pressure or anything.

Vasily Fet sighting! Business is booming with rat exterminations but go help the rich people first, you know, as they're so much more important than schools or hospitals. Can the Master go after Fet's boss next?

Back at the hospital, Captain Redfern has taken a turn for the cadaverous. Let's check the black light - yup, still got wormy things wiggling around. You know who we should talk to? That crazy old man with the wicked sharp sword but first, surgery!

Ah, Jim is in cahoots with Eichhorst. Why Jim, why? Well, he needs the money to pay for his wife's advanced cancer treatments but he wants out. Eichhorst sweetens the deal: if you don't walk away, we'll get her into an experimental trial. Dammit Jim, nothing good will come from this partnership.

Setrakian is in court being arraigned. Trespassing is a nuisance charge but dude, your cane has a deadly sword. I'll get rid of it your honor. Okay, case dismissed. Well all right then. Nora has tracked him down but until she and Eph are serious about doing what needs to be done about this threat, he wants nothing to do with them. Good day to you madam. I said good day!

Just when Eph's week couldn't get any worse, in family court Zach chooses to live primarily with Kelly and see Eph two weekends a month because his dad has a very important job and wants what's best for Eph. In the end, every decision Zach makes is based on his dad but Eph can't see it. All he knows is that he's lost everything. Oh honey, you don't even know.

Gabriel Bolivar is just not feeling the music now but that's okay, emo is making a comeback. Meanwhile, Eph checks up on the dad whose daughter returned to him and finds nothing but a bloody bathtub with clumps of hair. He's being stalked by something though. Fortunately, he gets a call from the hospital and runs out just in time. Really? Not even going to call the police?

Fet visits the rich man's penthouse to find a little girl whose face had been bitten by rats. They have terrible sight but a fantastic sense of smell so eating in bed will draw them out as kids get food all around their mouths. He lectures the dad and liberates a Cuban cigar but he can't enjoy it as suddenly rats are running everywhere, escaping from the tunnels. If rats are leaving the tunnels, you know something bad is happening underground.

Jim's wife Sylvia got a spot in the trial. It's a Christmas miracle! Back at Andrew's house; his dog is afraid of him and he's hearing ringing in his ears. He's a bit peckish though and thankfully there's a steak in the fridge. He drinks the bloody juice, glares at his horrified wife and goes back to bed. Darlin', it's about time for you to get the hell outta Dodge.

Gabriel's is having an exceptionally bad day as his vaunted tool has shriveled up but hey, that's what you have people for. Over at Setrakian's pawn shop, a girl gives him the whole passenger list with next of kin and I doubt it's for sympathy calls. Zach and Kelly mourn their old life with Eph but as he's been nothing but a raging asshole, it doesn't seem to be that big of a loss.

Gabriel takes off his stage makeup and special lenses but you really can't tell the difference except that his hair is falling out and his genitalia falls into the toilet. Clearly, 'True Blood' this is not.

A funny thing happened on the way to surgery, Captain Redfern up and disappeared. Eph, Nora, and Jim go looking for him and Jim is the lucky one who found him sucking on blood bags in the basement. Captain Redfern is no longer here however and he starts shooting the large sucker thing out of his mouth at Jim who dodges awkwardly. Nora jumps into the fight and almost gets suckerized too. Then Eph shows up and it's really a party before he grabs a fire extinguisher and beats Redfern's head to a pulp. Slow your roll there Eph, I don't think that he's getting back up.

What do we know? The infection is spreading, the CDC is in denial, and no one is listening to the crazy old man. Tune in August 3 on FX at 10 p.m. ET for the next episode of "The Strain," "It's Not For Everyone." Here's the synopsis from FX...

A secret autopsy demonstrates the bizarre progression of the mystery virus, prompting Jim to make a startling confession. Eph and Nora race to find the father of the youngest victim of the plane tragedy, but someone unexpected beats them to it. Ansel, in the grip of disease, takes desperate measures to protect his family.