'True Blood' Recap: 'Fire in the Hole'

Photos Courtesy HBO

The third episode of this last season of "True Blood" starts out with Sarah Newlin enjoying a yoga session in Los Angeles. Snooooozzzzeeee. I think everyone was more on board with a more exciting opener like last week. Shirtless guys. Please and thank you.

Pam & Eric
Pam has finally found Eric in Russia and informs him that Tara has met her true death. Eric seems unfazed by the whole thing. Pam wants to know what is wrong with Eric. It’s not just one thing because he has experienced a lot of loss in his 1000+ years.

Cut to a flashback in Rhone Valley, France where Eric meets a woman named Sylvie in a vineyard. Nan from the Authority sneaks up on him boning Sylvie, a human. Nan chastises Eric and Pam for not following the authority’s rules and introduces them to Tru Blood. I couldn’t stop staring at Eric’s bad wig. Nan tells him that he can kill Sylvie or Pam since he can’t follow instructions from the Authority. He tries to choose killing himself, but they don’t let him take that option. Obviously he chooses Sylvie over Pam or we would have no Pam.

Back to current day, Pam begs Eric to try to save himself. She thinks he’s contracted the virus on purpose. She finally tells him that Jason let Sarah Newlin live which revives Eric’s life purpose. They send some assassins to kill her at her yoga teacher’s house. He won’t tell them where Sarah is, so he is killed. So long, Yoga Teacher.

Those Crazy Townsfolks & H-Vamps
Adilyn and Wade are still in jail, and Adilyn tells Wade that they once made out. You know, in a time of crisis, there’s nothing like a good make out session to make everyone feel better. Jessica and Andy come to the rescue! Adilyn begs Jessica not to tell Andy that they were about to smooch as if that is the biggest problem in Bon Temps.

Sam goes to talk to the good Rev about all of his fears. The Rev tells him to have faith that he will see his baby one day. Willa comes busting in with cracked-out Lettie Mae. As Will and Sam drive away from the church, they encounter Vince and his rag-tag group of vigilantes. Vince shoots Will, and Sam changes into an owl and flies away. I probably would have picked a smaller and faster creature, but he seems to have gotten away.

Jason tries to convince Violet that they need to make a family. Violet thinks that he’s gotten soft, but they can’t finish their argument before Andy, Jessica, Wade, and Adilyn show up at their door. They let Violet and Jason know that Vince and the townspeople are hunting down anyone “different.” Violet still has beef with Jessica but calls a truce long enough to go find Sookie. As they’re looking for Sookie, they find Sam’s abandoned car and Vince and the townspeople. A battle ensues between Jason’s group and Vince’s group. Maxine wants to kill Jason and Jessica because they ran off Hoyt. She ends up shooting Jessica in the arm, and in turn, Violet rips out Maxine’s heart. GOOD RIDDANCE. Jason notes that Jessica’s arm isn’t healing.

Holly and Arlene start chanting in the basement of Fangtasia to try to save themselves. The H-vamp leader ask Holly if she wants to go hunting with them after he calls her Harry Potter. They end up taking Holly out on the food hunt.

Kevin & LaFayette

Kevin shows up at LaFayette’s looking for some marijuana. LaFayette is fresh out, but offers Kevin some pills. Kevin tells LaFayette that he can’t swallow pills. Am I crazy or does that seem illogical? They can’t swallow pills, but their hair can grow? LaLa tells Kevin that he’ll take the drugs, and Kevin can drink blood from him and get a contact high. LaLa passes out, and Kevin worries that he has OD’ed. He actually was just passed out, but LaLa senses that Kevin has some feelings for him. Well, I could see that train coming a mile away.

Sookie & Alcide
Alcide emerges from the shower and can’t find Sookie. Naturally, he tracks her to Bill’s house. Bill convinces Sookie that he has covered her tracks and that Alcide won’t be able to find her. Bill tells Sookie that he can’t sense her anymore because he was drained and had a blood transfusion. Now she’s going to have to take his blood again so he’ll be able to find her.

Sookie tries to make herself attractive vampire bait. In the midst of her trying to draw them in, she admits to Bill that Alcide loves her more than she loves him. She goes into a little bit more detail than I would think would be necessary. After she sits there awhile trying to attract the H-Vamps, no one is showing up. She seems offended that the vampires aren’t taking the bait. Bill assures her that she still smells good. She ends up cutting her arm with a jagged piece of wood. Insert Bill flashback here. It’s a flashback to Bill and his family having portraits done. Apparently one of Fort’s ancestor’s took the photo.

Alcide does finally find Sookie with Bill as they get attacked by the H-Vamps. They kill a few of them, but Alcide gets shot by Lou from Vince’s team who also magically appear. Jessica offers to turn Alcide, but Sookie declines.

Smaller Bites:
-Alcide, commmmeee onnnnn! RIP, big guy. Let’s go through an Alcide montage in our minds.

-How long before Sarah gets what is coming to her?

-Will there be a cure for Eric, or are they just going to kill off everyone?

-SOOKIE! Every single time she has a grand plan something goes awry. I guess she can finally get back together with Bill.

-Now that Holly is reunited with everyone, she can lead them back to Fangtasia where they can save Arlene and Nicole.

-Is Holly now going to get the virus?

Tune in at 9 p.m. ET for next Sunday's episode, "Death is Not the End." Here's a sneak peek...