Cornell Researchers Use Statistics to Help Us Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Yeah, stay rural. Nothing will hurt you in the country.

Anytime researchers can add the element of fun to disease modeling, it's a great thing, right? Of course when you throw in zombies, it gets even better. Thanks to being inspired by a statistical mechanics class (sounds delightful) and reading Max Brooks' World War Z, a group of researchers at New York's Cornell University decided to study how an actual zombie apocalypse would pan out in the US.

I'll break this all down with quotes and stuff but basically, you want to be in a rural area in order to survive the longest. Tell that to the folks in Night of the Living Dead.

According to PHYS.org, "During the 2015 American Physical Society March Meeting, on Thursday, March 5 in San Antonio, Texas, the group will describe their work modeling the statistical mechanics of zombies—those thankfully fictional 'undead' creatures with an appetite for human flesh." This isn't the first time zombies have been used in real situations: the CDC even has a "preparedness campaign" in place because the techniques are helpful in disasters. Wait, do these brain-y types know something we don't know?

Okay, so let's turn to Alex Alemi, a graduate student at Cornell University, for answers on why he and his gang decided to use zombies in the disease model. In a nutshell, we can wrap our brains around zombies...they're relatable. He goes on to state, "Modeling zombies takes you through a lot of the techniques used to model real diseases, albeit in a fun context." Zombies really are fun, agreed? Disease...not so much.

CDC releases Zombie Preparedness Plan

In either a pop-culturally savvy move, or a terrifying one, the Centers for Disease Control has released a new Preparedness 101 plan for the Zombie Apocalypse.

The plan, originally published on the CDC's Public Health Matters blog, covers some basic history and medical info (such as that the infectious agent for zombification is called Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome, which the CDC incorrectly attributes to "Steven Schoolman" instead of Harvard psychiatrist Steven Schlozman, author of The Zombie Autopsies ... and which has now been corrected). The entry also includes safety tips, such as creating a safety kit, evacuation route and family meetup site.


The conceit of the plan by the CDC (which was caught off guard in The Walking Dead miniseries) is that being prepared for a zombie disaster is quite similar to being prepared for any natural disaster or emergency. 

It's a smart approach to pick up media attention and raise awareness for emergency preparedness - but is also quite lacking and dead wrong (or is it undead wrong?). After all, there is no mention of shotguns or machetes in the plan; absolutely no info on destroying a zombie's brain; how to kill a zombified loved one without hesitation; or what to do to find and fortify a stronghold (like a mall) where you can survive for an extended period.

Good beginning, CDC.  But let's hope your impending vampire preparedness plan is more complete (how to make your own wooden stakes, planting your garlic garden, etc.)