Saturday, February 14, 2015

'Helix' Recap: 'Oubliette'

Courtesy Syfy
BY DAWN FEAKES

Last week on "Helix," the Immortals had a really bad day and Alan discovered that Peter has a secret, but very sexy, master *coughBalleseroscough*. On to the island of misfit humans. Let's do this.

Flashback to three months ago and Kyle was recruited to infiltrate Alan's former team and collect information about his whereabouts as he's the subject of a worldwide manhunt. The lesson here is that you can never trust a pretty boy...and to microchip your employees as part of their onboarding process. He's shady but finds Sarah and brings her to the infirmary. He and Peter are useless at surgery so it's Grandma Agnes to the rescue. Be on your way, boys. She's got this. Banished from the surgery, Peter and Kyle discuss staying in Camp Crazy or getting the hell outta Dodge but Kyle's all 'not without my bae' and I hate myself for actually typing that. Okay, fine, we stay but you go investigate the orchards and I'll tell Michael about the infected honey. Not sure who has the least desirable job here.

Thirty years later Jules is still dying by the river but nope, you're not getting off that easy honey because here comes Caleb. Good timing dude; now, where were you about 12 hours ago?

Peter tells Michael about the mycotoxin in the honey. That they don't eat. But someone has because Soren. And that's not all! Brother Jerome is here under false pretenses so you have to keep him away from your people. How would you know that Peter? Well...he's my brother. It's complicated.

You know who's also complicated? Michael as he sends the deadly assassin Landry after Alan who throws him into not-quite-solitary confinement because guess who else is joining the party? It's Peter! See Peter, nobody likes a tattletale. Unfortunately Peter has never met a bus he didn't like. How'd ratting me out work out for you Peter? It's time for the brothers Farragut to finally celebrate Festivus. Peter whines about always being in Alan's shadow and Alan smirks that it's not his fault he was better at everything. Really, Alan? That's not what your wife said....

For someone who enjoys playing God on the island, Michael is having a bit of a conniption that the sickness is transmitted through the honey. Anne tries to reassure him that nature finds a way but this is Michael's playground, so nature better play by his rules. Uh, sure. It'll get right on that.

Caleb stitches up Julia who's all, yeah, I stabbed the guy. He was my dad. Is he dead? Eh, who knows. Okay then. Back in the past, Sarah wakes up in the infirmary and Agnes is amazed at her remarkable rate of recovery. Good genes you know. Crazy Amy Manson Lamps Landry for not telling her about the honey before Michael. Landry, if you keep this up there will be no more rubber gloves for you. Kyle's gone full beekeeper and because he's a terrible secret agent, gets suckered by the 'bait' of a girl lying on the ground. Amy has quite the army of millenials at her disposal but even in full HAZMAT gear he can outrun them to the wall. Clearly he aced the 'running away' section of secret agent training. Use the bees, Kyle. Use the bees.

Anne comes to Michael to apologize for being wrong about the honey thing. Oh Anne, you're going to join the wall of matriarchs soon for your lack of attention to detail. Also, creepy Brother Michael is creepy.

While we may not have reached the acceptance stage quite yet, we seem to be done with the 'beating the snot out of each other' stage. Well boys, this has been a lovely and edifying chat but who's going to be the bottom of the totem pole to get us out of here? Peter gets the short straw and will be the base and you're going to engage in a trust exercise so soon after your throwdown? All righty then.

Agnes knows Sarah's pregnant but she doesn't want to tell who the father is. It's cool, she's better off protecting her legacy anyway. Agnes, you're a sweet, tough old lady who's a helluva surgeon but please get off the Kool-Aid. At the wall, Amy is patching Kyle up while Landry attacks the tainted honey, all the while pretending it's Kyle's face. Don't you dare try to come between him and Amy's glove! Since Kyle's original rejection was lost upon her, she pursues him again and nope. He doesn't have time for wackaloon naughty schoolgirls. The gauntlet, it has been thrown.

Caleb cooks for Jules and hopefully this isn't drugged. He didn't know his dad and his mom brought him to the island because the world was broken. Place your bets: is he Sarah's son or Julia's?

Agnes harvests pollen in the greenhouse and uses it to knock out Sarah. Agnes, for a surgeon who knows that Sarah is pregnant, putting her under is an incredibly stupid thing to do but how else is she going to remove Sarah's contacts to see the telltale silver eyes of the Immortals? Oh hell. Now the question is, what will she do with this information?

Landry comes to visit Kyle in the lab bearing gifts of contaminated honey and making his claim to Amy known. Dude, no problem. She's all yours. Kyle's got 99 problems but a horny psycho teen is not one of them. Amy freaks out about the honey to Agnes who really couldn't care less; they've got another silver eye on the island. Welp. Didn't see her telling Amy first. For someone as smart as Agnes is, she makes terrible decisions.

The Farragut totem pole makes it to the grate and Alan gets it open and drags himself out. Okay man, now how about me? Sorry bro, you dug this hole yourself what with the double triple crosses and all. Catch ya laters. In other family drama, Caleb asks Julia if she's forgiven her father. Seeing as how forgiving would require an apology first, Imma guess 'no.' But he did give me this sword. What does it say, abandon all hope ye who enter here? Not a clue man, I don't speak Japanese. Good night.

Landry gives Amy the last jar of honey which is worth more than gold as it's her ticket off the island and as her 'thank you', she'll get you off. I was going to say that maybe she's not as loony toons as we've been thinking but her way of showing appreciation/cajoling gives me the heebie jeebies so loony toons it is. Jules wakes up to find the Caleb has taken her sword. Dammit, is there anyone not an asshole on this island at any time?

Kyle's sciencing away and Alan comes to him looking for Sarah. Because he's Double-O-Smooth, he asks Alan if Sarah was in Paris helping him blow up the Ilaria building. Shockingly, this pisses Alan off and at the end of the fight, Alan ends up chained to an bedpost in the lab. Wait, what? He's having an exceptionally bad day.

Agnes brings her fears of the silver eyes to Michael while ministering to him albeit in a non-Amy way. Brother Michael also has the telltale silver eyes? And he lied to them about being the only one? Agnes, you really have no idea how cults work, do you? Guess he's not so god-like after all. Okay, who had Michael as being an Immortal in the office pool? Her lack of faith disappoints him even though she is his favorite daughter (wait, what?) so her punishment is a swift twist of the head. And we all grieve that it wasn't Amy. Godspeed Agnes, we hardly knew ye. Wow, and Peter and Alan thought that their father was tough. Your move Farragut brothers.

Tune in to Syfy next Friday, February 20 at 10 p.m. ET for 'M. Domestica.'

0 comments: