**SPOILER**
I liked it when True Blood was my sexy little secret. The typical response I got was “Eww you watch that?” No longer. This week's Entertainment Weekly cited viewership is up 85 percent. And then there’s this: “@iamdiddy True blood is me s***!!!” We all know what happens when Diddy’s involved—world domination. But before the crew takes over, they have to survive Dallas and Bon Temps.
Bon Temps
Daphne gives new meaning to the term “doe-eyed.” I won’t play girl genius and pretend I knew she was a shifter, but I knew something was up. Following Daphne through the woods (what is with these Bon Temps girls going into the woods alone?), Sam is startled by a doe, a deer, a female deer, who shifts to lady love Daphne. “I’m a shifter, and proud of it!” she exclaims in a “coming-out-of-the-closet-esque” veiled comment on social stereotypes. Sam is stupefied, but as Daphne purrs that he doesn’t have to be alone anymore, he’s sold.
Tara wakes up to Eggs in bed. Luckyyyy. She comes downstairs to find Maryann playing house. The food is back, so the bewitching continues. Mark my words: food will be a major plot hook. (If not, say you heard it elsewhere.) Maryann informs Tara she’s moving in and that Sookie won’t mind. Chateau Maryann? Not really. Apparently it was never Maryann's pad. Tara tells her squatting at Sookie’s won’t fly, and Maryann plays wounded animal.
Lafayette is back in full effect, y’all—at least, from the outside. Makeup, outrageous headdress, le femme jewelry—check. But his attitude? No sass, all class. Even boss man Sam doesn’t get why Lafay’s not detonating the F-bomb. “What happened to you?” he asks a subdued Lafay.
Maryann treats us to a drive-by spellcasting , which leaves the Merlotte’s staff with one agenda—embody rage, channel it to Tara. Tara comes home in tears, and after a pep talk about family from Eggs, runs to Maryann, natch.
Did you notice what I did? Not only has Lafayette switched roles, but so has Maryann. Sitting at Sookie’s kitchen table, hair back, sans outrageous outfit, makeup and jewelry (reading Heart Sick, that manipulating temptress), she looks disturbingly like Sookie’s gran. Hmmm ….
As Maryann and Tara make up, Sam and Daphne make out, swapping stories about how shifting feels orgasmic. Who says romance is dead?
Dallas
Sookie corners the mindreading bellboy and insists they join forces. When she asks if he can read vamp thoughts, Barry flips. “Don’t even say that out loud,” he seethes. “These aren’t candy-ass Louisiana vampires. This is Dallas, baby. Dallas vampires are serious and scary as s***.” He’s anti a Sookie friendship, and shakes off her pleas to “teach” him. He quit his vamp hotel gig, but I bet we’ll see him again.
I’m not one to hate on Bill, but Barry’s sugary sweet gluteus maximus comment about Louisiana vamps is on point. Bill took an obnoxious page from Edward Cullen’s overbearing school of vamp courting and is all “I want to keep you safe,” “I can’t lose you” and “How will I protect you?” to Sookie. Gross. I like him better when he’s throwing her out of cars or, like, feeding on her. Add the purple sheets Bill's swathed in, his self-comparison to a “waitress,” admitting he’ d be “satisfied just holding her” (puhleeze!) and his girly robe, and I say we have another case of mistaken identity, this one gender influenced.
Sookie and Bill meet with Eric and two of Godric’s compadres to come up with a game plan to rescue the 2,000-year old vampire who—gasp!—was turned as a teen, and—gaspier!—is Eric’s maker. A glimpse into Eric’s past shows him as the typical medieval next-door, good-guy warrior. Godric spares Eric after killing his fellow warriors, which, by the way, was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen on True Blood. (Try slow mo. Even cooler.) As Eric’s emotional attachment is finally revealed, the stakes get higher for Sookie, who will infiltrate the FOTS. (And if you’ve been paying attention, you know the results will suck.)
Jesus Camp/ Newlin House
Not much is shaking in Jason’s world, except, oh, I don’t know, God’s omnipresent finger as he eyes what goes on at the Newlins’. But can we blame Jason? Sarah locks herself in the bathroom where Jason is luxuriously soaking in a fluffy bubble bath (really?) and tries to seduce him, claiming that God wants him to have a “reward.” Whereas a Scooby snack would suffice, she chooses a loofah and wandering hands instead, comparing herself to Mary Mags. Jason rebuffs her. Manly Jason sudsing away in a tub, turning away a woman? Nothing is as it should be.
I said last week Jason Stackhouse was the stupidest human ever. Rev. Newlin has usurped him. Not only does he allow Jason near his wife, he shows him a room full of weapons. Furthermore, he allows him to play with a grenade launcher and alerts him of the guillotine on reserve. The weapons room is a product of Light of Day Research and Development (think Wayne Enterprises run by radicals).
Jesus Camp was uneventful, save for Jason’s competitive streak taking a back seat to help Luke. Is this the beginning of a beautiful bromance?
BITE-SIZED
—Maryann is like the mood ring from Hell. We’ve seen her inflict hedonism, joy, sheer lunacy, and this week, rage.
—Jessica and Hoyt’s long-distance comic book rehash was perfect puppy-love fodder. Hoyt’s p-jams, however, were horrific.
—Paging Mr. Blackwell: Can someone please tell Sarah Newlin that velour jumpsuits are about as cool as scrunchies?
—After being chastised for ordering a human snack, Jessica stomps away, quipping “You are going to be sorry when I get an eating disorder.” She rocks.
—An astute travel writer, colleague and avid TB watcher points out: What is up with the Bon Temps vamps’ allergy-eye syndrome?
—Sookie insists Bill is different from other vamps because he is capable of love. Um, Eric is, too. What else is fueling his desire to find Godric? But is this a good thing? Creator Alan Ball teased to EW some Eric/Sookie chemistry in Season 3. Color me intrigued.
—Is it just me, or has Daphne flashed those scratches enough to the point that Sam should have asked about them?
—Seeing Eric’s back story was clutch. More, please.
We’ve got a while until the whole gang is back in Bon Temps. Do you like the shifting storylines, or is it making your head spin? And are you warming to Eric as much as I am? Stay tuned ...
— amy kates
