'SkyMall': The destination for wealthy Parapopper landowners

There are some things that exist in this universe that defy explanation. Normally I might be referring to ghosts or aliens, but not even they perplex me as much as SkyMall.

I've never met anyone who has actually purchased an item from this in-flight magazine of overpriced and useless crap. In fact, the only time I've ever witnessed a person looking through SkyMall is when a) they need a conversation topic with a seatmate, or b) they forgot a book, magazine, iPod, laptop, pillow, Ambien, booze or anything remotely distracting.

For a long while I've wanted to find a way to shoehorn SkyMall into the realm of Paranormal Pop Culture because I can't fathom how they manage to not only stay in business but continue to put a new catalog in airplane seatbacks with frequency.

Still, SkyMall has remained just in the "just normal" category - until now. There is a definite trend in the catalog to cater to parapoppers with disposable income and a lot of property.

Are you a cryptozoology enthusiast who wants to have a sighting every day on your very own lawn? Then don't miss out on the two-foot-tall resin Garden Yeti sculpture for only $98.95.

Have an undying love of the undead? Pick up the "life-size, gray-toned" Zombie of Montclaire Moors bust with lifelike eyes! For $89.95, this 13-pound brain eater is perfect for clawing his way out of your garden or family room.

Feeling alone and insignificant in the universe? Don't miss out on the Alien Gnome Bandits garden accents then! These little buggers from another galaxy run off with your garden gnome for a mere $149.95.

Also: Add a "South Seas accent" to your property with replicas of the mysterious Easter Island heads; "Delight the senses" with the Fairy of the West Wind sitting sculpture; Summon the ancient spirit of the forest with the Treebeard Ent statue.

So if you won't be flying anytime soon, but you are dedicated enough to the paranormal that you want to decorate your home or lawn with these items - or you're just in the mood for a drunk purchase - these can be purchased on the SkyMall website.

-aaron sagers