Can you stomach screaming, prepubescent teen girls?

And I don't mean in the literal sense. I'll go ahead and assume if you're reading this, you're not into eating humans. But we're equal opportunity around here, so proceed if so. Anyway, if you think you can handle it, check out the shaky camera job (think Blair Witch on a slimmer budget) done by a Comic-Con faithful last weekend. Whomever the screaming chick is (FYI, she REALLY likes Taylor Lautner), she did a bang-up job. Here's a look at how Edward, who was physically absent for the majority of New Moon the book (if i was an emoticon proponent, you'd be getting a sad face right about now), will appear to Bella in New Moon the flick. Word to the wise—If you'd like to hang onto your hearing, when it looks like Lautner is about to derobe, we suggest turning down the volume. — amy kates

I'll cover my eyes next time.

I just saw the trailer for District 9 for the first time. And let me preface this by saying I am chomping at the bit to see this flick. Peter Jackson? Aliens? Signs that say "No Humans Allowed"? Sounds like my kind of date night. So, here I am, hunched forward in anticipation, my hungry eyes feasting on every image, and then, wouldn't you know it, the cardinal monster-movie trailer sin, in my humble opinion: full-blown footage of the creature. And not just of the creature, but how it communicates, how it moves. Why, oh, why does Hollywood do this? I want to be teased! Terrorized! Played to! But by giving up the goods so easily I don't even have to ask, the best part of scary stuff—the unknown—is, well, known. Are trailers spoilers? Duh. But that doesn't mean spoil the best part.

I can't imagine how many horror movie trailers I've seen in my life. We'll go with "a lot." But, and ridicule me if you must, two of the most intriguing, don't-make-me-watch-them-alone trailers (as I'm typing this, I'm also looking over my shoulder. kjl'af. oops. see?) I've seen are 2002's Signs and last year's Cloverfield. Give them a watch. Notice something missing? Ah. The creatures. 

Signs, apart from the end, which I really hated—you know, the part where the alien holds the asthmatic son in his arms—was so fantastically spooky. It flirted with us, lips thisclose, but never gave in to the kiss. (I've posted a scene from Signs below, which goes in my top 10 all-time of scary crap. It's so subtle and quick it's terrifying). And in Cloverfield, how much real face time did we get with the monster? Not much at all. In both movies, we knew something wicked this way comes, but which way? Over there? Over here? Is it on the roof, or in the back seat? Above all, what exactly is it? To me, that's scary.

I walked into those theaters having no idea what to expect. And they delivered in that sense. Think about it—If you're hiding in a dark corner, ready to pounce on an unsuspecting passerby for a laugh, do you wave a white flag first, poke your head out and say, 'Oh, here I am! Hi! I'm about to scare you!' Um, no.

Now, I'm not an idiot. I realize District 9 is a alien movie that goes way beyond an alien movie. We're talking metaphors for all kinds of political fodder: Immigrants. Gitmo. Oppression. Slavery. I get that. And I also get that horror films are much more than the monsters that propel them. Sometimes it's the small, unexpected spooks that have nothing to do with the monster that trickle ice water down your spine. 

But really, what's the gimmick, the draw at the heart of District 9? Aliens. Now, instead of squirming in my seat, heart thudding, eyes frantically combing every angle, searching in the dark corners and alleys for the thing that's gonna scare me more than the thought of how much cash i spent to see it in the first place, I kind of don't care. 

Am I still in on District 9? I'd be lying if I said otherwise.  But am I disappointed that what's behind door No. 1 has already been revealed? Sure am. Lucky for me, though,  it's a horror film. There's a door No. 2, No. 3, even No. 10. Here's hoping the consolation prize still keeps me up at night. — amy kates

A Real Monster Mash

If you don't live in or around Chicago, you probably didn't get the invite, but a ruckus went down in Wicker Park last weekend ... a ruckus caused by thousands of the living dead. Say what? You read that right. Ok, fine, so it wasn't thousands. More like "thousand." July 25th marked the one-month-a-versary of MJ's death, so what better way to honor a man who quite possibly changed the face of popular music (and culture) with the help of a single sparkly glove then to dress up like a dead dude and (badly) reenact the "Thriller" vid? Hello, there IS no better way. The zombie love overfloweth. Thinking about zombie love got me thinking about zombie hate. It's feverish on both sides. My suggestion? Let's all join hands, do a little Kumbaya, and get dead serious about the real parapests—those nasty, crafty vamps. But leave the ones in Forks and Bon Temps alone. I love those guys.
— amy kates

Bring.It.On.

No, no, Kirsten Dunst. I'm not referencing your horrifically lame cheerleader franchise. I'm talkin' the rest of Season Two on True Blood. Watch this video, which premiered at Comic-Con. It is one heck of a teaser. Talk about a cat fight. Sookie vs. Lorena is going to be a wicked good romp. — amy kates

ps: anyone else see those "Vs" in Anna P's eyes? Spooky.

'True Blood' recap, Hard-Hearted Hannah

I hope this wasn’t the week you convinced a True Blood virgin to tune in. The blood-saturated boudoir? Maryann’s campfire orgy? Forget “pushing the envelope.” This show pushes the whole U.S. Postal Service. I suggest you start your planning now for the season finale. It’s going to be a doozy.

DALLAS

Bummed when HBO revealed Sookie and Bill wouldn’t be hanging around Bon Temps much, I’m now head over heels for this plotline. Sookie does Dallas is fabulous fun. And meeting new vamps rocks. Last week we met gorgeous Isabelle, and this week we learn that she’s all humaned up with Hugo. Sookie and Bill now have a legit parallel to their relationship—Jessica and Hoyt’s teen infatuation doesn’t count, although judging from Hoyt’s cross-state journey to see J, it could be more than puppy love.

The Sookie/FOTS snafu I hinted at his come: sister is in serious trouble. Now this is where I pause for a moment of quiet reflection in an attempt to identify why, in an hour of television that highlighted the grisly murder of two innocent people (and that blood thing that I can’t even write about), and a mystical cult/orgy meeting in the woods with writhing, black-eyed revelers, it was the time spent with the blessedly messed up Newlins that left me white-knuckled. Thus is the beauty of True Blood. Glistening-fanged vampires? Pssht. Radical religious freaks? Now that’s some scary ish.

Before Sookie and Hugo are captured, they take a church tour. As the Rev. opens the door, he warns that the “amount of love coming from behind these doors might just knock you over.” The golden light streaming out was classic imagery. I ate it up. What I didn’t eat up was the Rev’s good-guy act. There’s been something fishy about him since day one. Always touting his wife’s “puddin?” Creepy. Sookie gets inside his mind: He has a vamp locked in the basement, and can’t wait to crucify him. Godric? It would take some serious vamp-catching skills to net a score like that, but if it’s not him, who’s down there? More troubling: Rev. knows who Sookie is. We’ve got a mole, and I doubt it’s Eric. Granted, he does covet Sookie. But would he work with the FOTS, who might have his maker trapped? I’m not buying.

Sarah does her best to voice her disapproval, but the good Rev has Sookie and Hugo thrown into the dungeon, dropping the “c-word” for good measure. So noble.

Thanks to telepathy, Bill knows Sook’s in trouble, but he’s sidetracked by one heck of a seductress. Summoned by Eric, who casually disengages from a disappointing midnight snack, we meet Lorena, Bill’s maker. What a knockout. And that drawl? But this one’s evil. Check her influence on Bill—in a flashback to Chicago, 1926 (this vampire dork would like to point out that Edward Cullen was also vampin’ it up on the streets of Chicago), we meet a savage (but musical!) Bill who helps Lorena make quite a mess of two humans. Eric intends to use Lorena as a distraction so Bill can’t protect Sookie. It’s working. Bill is powerless against his maxi-dress-wearing maker.

Meanwhile, Luke and Jason are building the structure that will set the stage to what could be the ultimate throwdown—I believe once the T.B.D vamp is strapped down, awaiting fiery death via sunbeam, Jason will spring to action and once and for all pick a team ... unless, of course, it rains that day.

Jason is oblivious to Sookie’s predicament, thanks to Sarah. Finding her sobbing (and in a shiny gold metallic suit. Really, who dresses her?), she admits that her husband is using him and the rest of Jesus Camp to wage war. Sarah is convinced Jason is meant for her. Jason, wary of premarital sex (little late, Stackhouse) thanks to a pep talk from Luke, rebuffs her. But she convinces him that it’s God’s will to do the nasty in His house. Can’t argue with that.

BON TEMPS

Daphne, you biotch! I knew there was a “betrayal” coming, but this floored me. Poor Sam. Foreshadowing his predicament (“it’s been my experience that drums mean trouble,” he quips), Daphne leads him into a trap. Of course, the credits rolled before we learned Sam’s fate, but he looked like a sacrificial lamb (or dog) of Maryann’s impromptu orgy. But color me confused—the previews showed Sam and Daphne in an embrace, as if nothing happened. Zoinks! As to the orgy, I offer no wisdom. I can’t figure out Maryann’s motives. All I know is she does not tolerate pre-shower sarcasm, likes to spastically vibrate, and gets down with sex, food, or—bonus!—a combo.

I’ve long associated Eggs with Maryann’s witchery. But as he and Tara go on a mission for a water-heater part (here’s to domestic bliss), he is inexplicably drawn to what appears to be a murder site. As he cries, I believe him that he has no idea why. Could Eggs not be the bad guy I chalked him up to be? I hope so, because being bereft of those abs might cause me to do something crazy, like don a festive dragon-horned mask. Speaking of festive, dragon-horned masks, when Tara and Eggs stumble upon Maryann’s gathering, they look genuinely disgusted and shocked. Fast-forward 30 seconds, and they’re all up in it. Whatever Maryann does, she does it well.

Besides Maryann, not much was shaking in Bon Temps, although we did get a surprise visit from the delicious Pam. She’s putting Lafay back to work slingin’ V. Why? My guess is to monitor any new product that comes on the market, like Godric in a vial.

We’re also privy to a touching moment between Terry and Lafayette. Lafay, terrified when he hallucinates Eric’s face on the body of Andy B., nearly passes out from fear, and Terry serves as a shoulder for Lafay to lay his bead-dazzled-hair-netted head on.

Andy, not buying Lafay’s “gay cruise” cover story because—and this is solid logic—he notes Lafay’s lack of swag and surmises if he were on a gay cruise he’d come back “with even more pizzazz,” thinks Lafay murdered the exorcist-slash-cashier-at-Walgreen’s chick. Oh, Andy. Maybe we’ll make a good detective out of you yet.

BITE-SIZED

—Jessica Hamby, I don’t care about the whole you’re-immortal-and-possess-all types-of-crazy-magic thing. I just want to know what shampoo you’re using. Your hair is to die for.

—Hoyt’s concern that Jessica thinks he’s “just one of those boyfriends who doesn’t text back” was endearing. And I know his mother keeps her doll collection in his closet, but after last night’s dashing heroics, he ain’t no mama’s boy anymore.

—Sookie shuns him, Daphne dogs him: I’m putting Sam on match.com. “Rakish-haired, human-dog shifter-type seeks non-vampire loving, non-devious shifter type for romantic nights spent running from monsters. Send pic to Mad4Merlotte.”

—This just in: Jason Stackhouse declares abstinence! Five minutes later, changes mind.

—Bill Compton rocking the Don Draper comb over? Two thumbs up!

—Did you catch that ridiculous Jesus painting behind Newlin’s desk? It was not pretty.

—The sickly-sweet, sunny Southern Belle meet-and-greet between Sookie and Sarah was enough for me to hope Sarah ends up with Jason and takes up residence in Bon Temps. How much trouble do you think those two blondes could cook up? Even if Sarah does look like "vanilla pudding in real life."

—I dug the easy banter between Luke and Jason. But as the war draws near, will Luke become just one more thorn in Jason’s perfectly tanned, muscled side?

—Is Sookie going to go all Bella Swan and demand to be turned? From the looks of her convo with Hugo, she’s thinking about it.

How is Sookie going to get out of this mess? Are Sarah and Steve playing Good Jesus Freak/Bad Jesus Freak? And, oh Eric. What do you have up your sleeves? — amy kates

What happened to 'Titanic' Day?

Mark your calendars, avid Avatar fans. When director James Cameron presented 25 (!) minutes of his new epic 3D, sci-fi, futuristic flick at Comic-Con Thursday, he sent the audience of 6,000 into geek overdrive when he announced that August 21st, 2009 will henceforth be known as Avatar day. What does that mean for you? Twentieth Century Fox will wrangle as many 3D and IMAX theaters as possible across the globe to showcase a 15-minute sneak peek of the film. But they’re not done—other cool Avatar fare will be revealed, like video-game trailers. Just do us a fave—hold out on the costumes and shenanigans until the full film release. — amy kates 

    

Does Edward melt in your mouth? Your hand? Not at all?

You can find out at Blockbuster. The chain is selling chocolate Edward, Bella and Jacob (blah) candy bars at branches around the country. A product of Necco (throwback!), the bars are all called "Heart's Desire," which bothers me—if you're going to pimp the heck out of this franchise, do it with a dash o' creativity, Necco. But wait! There's more: Check out the Sweetheart candies, which take the standard Valentine's Day conversation hearts and add a Twi twist. Phrases include "Lamb" (If you haven't read the books, don't even try to understand), "I heart EC" and "Forks." Oh, yes. A candy heart that says "Forks." The romance is overwhelming. If you ever ask yourself, "Do things filed under 'paranormal' really top the popular culture charts?" revert to this post for the answer. — amy kates

Am I missing something in Bon Temps?

Thank bejeezus Michelle Goldberg was not living in 1729 Ireland. If she had been, she'd likely have taken a gander at A Modest Proposal and stoned Jonathan Swift for suggesting such a cannibalistic answer to the Irish economy.

If you're not familiar with Swift's dope piece, which suggested impoverished parents sell their kids as party snacks for the rich, you should be. If you do know it, you're familiar with a concept that Goldberg evidently is not: satire.

In this piece, she vehemently suggests that the nefariously delightful HBO vamp dramedy True Blood is nothing more than a thinly veiled "antigay worldview." Instead of the obvious, hilarious satire, she sees strong antigay sentiments stemming from the neighborhood vamps, and the jokes on her.

She draws on some of the show's iconic elements (the "coming out of the coffin" tag line, the "God Hates Fangs" sign in the credits) to fuel her argument, yet she overlooks a no-brainer: the gay characters on the show.

Call me crazy, but if I were going to write a strong opinion on antigay themes, that’s the first place I’d start. Why bother mucking through undertones if you’ve got an in-your-face, gay, part-time hooker on your proverbial doorstep? Lafayette, who would give Bruno a run for his money, is as flamboyant as they come. And he owns it.

This season has had him chained up in a vampire dungeon (FYI, Goldberg points out that for African-American Lafayette, the image is "horrifyingly reminiscent of slavery." No duh, sister. That's the point. But he wasn't the only one enslaved), terrorized and released.

If upon his release he was stripped of his homosexuality (scared straight, if you will, into the arms of forgiving right-wingers willing to let him sign on the dotted, hetero-line for a chance at redemption), I could maybe get down with viewing that an attack on his sexuality. But once he gets his new lease on life, that’s not what happens. He's immediately back to glittery makeup and feminine jewelry and head wear, etc. I find it interesting that Lafayette gets no more than a passing comment in her editorial, and that comment doesn’t even slightly nod to his gay character.

True Blood had another openly gay, pivotal character, vamp Eddie (who was so gentle that when human Amy staked him, I hated her for it), killed in Season 1, but who is a frequent guest in Jason Stackhouse’s dreams and flash backs. To Jason, the epitome of heterosexual masculinity, Eddie represents everything Jason struggles with: an unshakeable sympathy toward vampires. For a show Goldberg believes is so strongly cloaked in antigay notions, why would the foil to homosexuality sympathize?

And Jason isn't the only one with vamp sympathy. Gay characters aside, according to Goldberg, the vampire population as a whole represents "post-gay-liberation America." Well, if that’s the case, creator Alan Ball’s message is lost in translation because the vampire population garners sympathy from viewers, too.

For one, look what they’re up against: a battle they don’t know is coming. Consider the radical plan trigger-happy Rev. Newlin is cooking up. In last week’s episode, Newlin proudly showcases a room full of horrifying weapons that he will use to wage impending war against the vampires—a war that the vampires, unfortunately for them, are oblivious to because they’re more interested in solving their own problems than worrying about the trifles of man.

And consider Jessica. Here is a newly turned vamp who every woman can identify with. She’s just a girl trying to figure out a strange new world … she’s the angst-ridden younger sister or daughter we’ve all watched grow into her skin. She is certainly nothing like Goldberg’s characterization of the vamps: “arrogant, perverse, and cruel—everything the far right believes gays to be.”

If the vampires represent gay America, what is so uniquely gay about them that prevents them from just as seamlessly representing any other group that society has labeled “different?” I need more information. And if we are to label these vampires as the symbol of (insert struggling group here: immigrants, minorities, etc), then it seems to me there is a pro slant.

So preoccupied by her “arrogant, perverse, and cruel” vamps, Goldberg manages to overlook the fact that the cruelest creature thus far on the series—the murderer who viciously killed Sookie’s sweet gran, among others—was most certainly of the human persuasion.

In fact, take a step back and look at True Blood in its entirety—the vampires have caused by far the least ruckus in Bon Temps. In my book, that puts them somewhat on the “good guy” side, although the very nature of the word “good” when applied to vampires is a topic all its own.

Outside of the gay issue, I have to wonder if Goldberg’s watching the same show as I am. Where she see’s any “love” between human/vamps as “laced with darkness, tragedy, and pain” I see a burgeoning sisterhood between Sookie and Jessica, a sweet somethin’ growing between Hoyt and Jessica, the unlikely friendship between Jason and Eddie, and the undeniable connection between Sookie and Bill that proves more authentic and palpable than the mortal-on-mortal relationships I watch unfold on primetime television (see, Mer-Der et al.).

Does the show poke fun—fun being the key word—at associations we typically make with gay America? Hell yeah, it does.

But it also preys on images of Southern buffoonery, objectifies women, sensationalizes sex to over-the-top, cover-your-eyes (but you’re peeking, aren’t you?) explicitly, tinkers with stereotypical gender roles, lampoons virginity and puberty, and, in general, demands its viewers to define what outré really means to them.

Everything is up for ridicule on this show, and that’s why I love it.

I’m frustrated that I’ve used 900 words to convey a point that I could have made quite succinctly: At its core, let's look at True Blood as an hour of fantasy escapism that arrived just in time to grab onto the explosive vampire genre’s capetails and ride skyward. Looking deeper would require the same look cast at every story, as every thing we read or see see on TV or film has a struggle and room for change, or else what'd be the point? Was Screech Powers' lifelong mission to transcend dorkiness and become Joe Cool in Saved by the Bell a metaphor for ... well, anything? I'm not feelin' it.

Is Goldberg interpreting the content literally? Of course not. But she is sidestepping the real undertones: hilariously brilliant, biting content that delivers laughs and gasps Sunday night, water-cooler fodder Monday morning, and slips out of our minds that same afternoon as reality kicks back in. — amy kates

'New Moon': This will geek you out!

Sweaty palms, heavy breathing, heart in overdrive: Merry-Christmas-in-July, It's Comic-Con! It's going down right now on the left coast, and my inner nerd is rejoicing, thanks especially to this video I just found at ew.com. In this first-look New Moon chatfest, Taylor Lautner speaks, Ashley Greene giggles, and, oh my stars there's a clip called "Bonus Robert Pattinson." And if that's not enough, we've made pop culture history, folks: For the first time since Twilight hit the big screen, it's Kristin Stewart's hair we're giving the crazy eye, not R-Pattz's. (FYI, she's channeling Joan Jett. Don't judge.) Check out the stars' take on New Moon, dropping almost four months to the day. — (a downright giddy) amy kates

Video game, comic book, movie collaboration make for towering 'Inferno' brand

It's taken about 700 years, but Dante Alighieri is finally going to see a big boost in his royalty checks. The 14th century author's Divine Comedy is the focus of a new video game, comic book and animated feature tie-in hitting in 2010.

The divine intervention will focus on part one of the Comedy, the Inferno, and comes courtesy of video game studio Electronic Arts and its collaboration with DC Comics and Starz Media. The collaboration was announced this week as a lead-up to the Comic-Con International 2009 in San Diego, where attendees will have a chance to play the game and pick up issue #0 of the comic book.

According to the Inferno site, "the hero of the game is a soldier who defies death and fights for love against impossible odds. The Italian mercenary Dante returns home from the wars to find that his beloved Beatrice has been murdered, and her soul pulled down into Hell by a dark force."

OK, so that's not exactly how I remember it. Still, while adapting a classic work of world literature like this will most likely make English professors everywhere cringe, there's no doubt it is an inspired convergence of media. The epic poem where the author makes his way through the afterlife is pretty awesome as is, and who hasn't wanted to slay their way through the seven circles of Hell?

Sure, it would be nice to have the poet Virgil as a sidekick, and something tells me that gamers won't see the bland-by-comparison parts two and three of the Comedy where the author hangs out in Purgatory and Paradise. But hopefully Dante's Inferno will be a successful bit of paranormal pop culture that tunes people into the original piece.

-aaron sagers

They DO exist

I was going to bed. I swear. But my head was so filled with mythical (or not?) creatures, thanks to the post below, and a voice came out of nowhere, whispering, "Amy, google slap bracelets and Twilight, just for kicks." I obeyed. And would you believe it? They exist. The myth that slap bracelets crept back into the pop culture vault? Busted, and I didn't need a beret to prove it. (Relax, Potter fans, there are some for you, too. Although apparently, you guys need instructions.) Slap bracelets rise from the dead, with a paranormal bent. Le sigh. — amy kates

Loch Ness monster debunks age-old mystery; can dig to China

We know Nessie. We know Champ. But say Ni-Hao to ... well. He's not exactly named, but, according to tourists recently hanging out in China, a sea monster akin to Nessie was spotted in Kanas Lake. Check out the Kanas Lake creature's history, and read the monster account from People's Daily. And riddle me this: In an international showdown between Nessie, Champ and the Kanas monster, who you got? — amy kates

They ain't scared of no ghosts

You know reality TV has really taken over the world when not even The Cartoon Network can get away with something crazy like only offering scripted television for today's youth. While you're waiting for PPC's chatfest with the big boys to post, spend some time getting to know the JV squad, The Othersiders. A match made in 'tween paranormal heaven, the team is anchored by lead investigator Riley, cute as a button KC and Jackie, and then the squints, Zach and Sam. The interactive running blog is a fun touch—just glaze over the "ROFL" references from fans. Peek through their ongoing case files to see what's been spookin' in your neck of the woods. Catch the crew Wednesdays at 9 p.m. And hurry before it's too late and they're hot-tubbing in Cancun with MTV. 

Wine and dine, then jugular.

So you’re hosting a dinner party with your parapop junkie friends. Harry and The Hendersons (on VHS. You’re hardcore) is cued up and ready to go. Finger foods are flowing, and, what’s that? You overhear two of your guests in cahoots over how last month’s fiesta thrown by your sworn frenemy (the one with the comic book and super hero collection that rivals that of Andy’s in The 40 Year Old Virgin) was so much better. Ah, but you’ve yet to play your trump card, my friend: parabooze. Check it out.

Dracula Syrah A product of France’s Rhone region (don’t you look smart) with dark chocolate and cherry notes. And the wax-stamped letter from Dracula is pretty cool, too.

Vampire Merlot A Zin/Cab Sauv blend aged in French and American oak, the slick bottle will only cost you $9.99. Small price to pay for immortality.

Vampire White Zin For the ladies in the place, fresh Cali fruit and wine acids join forces for a lively flavor you can sink your teeth into.

Witches’ Brew It will cost you a pretty penny ($12.95/750 ml bottle), but with an alcohol content of 9.3 percent, you won’t remember it, anyway.

Sasquatch Chardonnay Big-foot himself helps hand-pick the grapes at the peak of ripeness before they’re barrel-fermented in French Oak.

Night of the Living Red The toast of the parabooze town, this bottle is shrouded in mystery: no ingredients. The coolest part is the packaging—it comes with “missing/suppressed” crime files that suggest zombies living in vineyards. 

And what's paranormal fodder without an origin story? If you're in Camp Vamp, check in here; if it's Big Foot you're after, try here. Cheers and fears, my friends.

— amy kates

'Ghost Hunters International' sneak peek

Parapoppers take note: This week I'll be interviewing Robb Demarest, lead investigator from Syfy's Ghost Hunters International, so send all the questions you may have for this paranormal investigator.

Also, check out this sneak peek of the next episode of GHI. This looks like a good one, and it seems like the team has really hit its stride this season. Maybe it's just a matter of finally having the right team mesh together, but the investigations are more engaging, and it has grown on me as a solid paranormal pop culture entry.

-aaron sagers

TwiTats? Now that's serious.

My parapartner was all set to blog this when he realized if he did, he’d deprive me of some serious Twilight joy, the glow of which I simply can’t bask in enough. Trust me on that — just this weekend I was overcome with jealousy toward an innocent 8-year-old, wide-eyed cutie (Hi, I’m 26) who was able to pull off a wicked Cullen family crest t-shirt without being met with raised eyebrows and snickers from the peanut gallery.

My partner’s take on the TwiTat movement is, perhaps before one permanently alters one’s body for the sake of fandom, one should wait until the object of his — who are we joking — her pop obsession celebrates its 10th birthday. My take? Tell that to all those fools who link up, ink up, then break up.

Had I had “AK+DB” tatted on my arm in honor of my first brush with love, which lasted, like six months, it would suck, for sure. But it would also remind me of some of my best days as a teen — and judging from the hyper-ecstatic crowds I’ve run into at events like midnight release parties (yes, it rocked; no, I did not participate in any of the games) for the Twilight DVD, a TwiTat would do the same for them. AK+DB is long over, but it stamped me, just like Twilight has.

If you wanna sacrifice your skin for paranormal pop culture like these chicks, go ahead. Just, uh, don’t tell your parents I said so. Check out the gallery here, and send us yours. Oh, and be on the look out for the rarest of TwiTats — the elusive male version.

— amy kates

(Psychic) reading is fundamental

Ever since Dr. Venkman shocked me (when I was giving the right answers about those stupid cards), I’ve been a little wary of my psychic abilities. But I’m feeling much better about the whole pursuit of these tendencies after reading Tiffany Johnson’s Picture Yourself Developing Your Psychic Abilities.

Psychic jokes aside, I know what you’re thinking, but this book is far outside the realm of “scam artist with a crystal ball” territory. Published by Cengage Learning, a company focused on highly-customized text books, Johnson’s is a refreshingly down-to-earth, practical guide.

Long before she dives into tips and tactics, Johnson acknowledges the popular perceptions and misconceptions about psychics, and spends a fair amount of space discussing the background (and mistakes) of the field. She emphasizes that we all have some psychic ability as part of our human makeup. And unlike some professional psychics, she stresses that psychics aren’t meant to screw with heads or predict the future, but are instead supposed to help others interpret the meaning of signs and images.

This common sense approach, packaged in a sleek presentation with engaging photos and graphics, makes for a fun paranormal pop culture entry from an irrepressibly likable authority.

Since Tiffany Johnson’s lessons take time to learn and practice, I can’t say my psychic senses are tingling after reading it. However, Picture Yourself Developing Your Psychic Abilities does immediately seem like a good text to honing intuition and improving both internal and external dialogue.

-aaron sagers

'True Blood' recap—'Never Let Me Go'

**SPOILER**

I liked it when True Blood was my sexy little secret. The typical response I got was “Eww you watch that?” No longer. This week's Entertainment Weekly cited viewership is up 85 percent. And then there’s this: “@iamdiddy True blood is me s***!!!” We all know what happens when Diddy’s involved—world domination. But before the crew takes over, they have to survive Dallas and Bon Temps.

Bon Temps

Daphne gives new meaning to the term “doe-eyed.” I won’t play girl genius and pretend I knew she was a shifter, but I knew something was up. Following Daphne through the woods (what is with these Bon Temps girls going into the woods alone?), Sam is startled by a doe, a deer, a female deer, who shifts to lady love Daphne. “I’m a shifter, and proud of it!” she exclaims in a “coming-out-of-the-closet-esque” veiled comment on social stereotypes. Sam is stupefied, but as Daphne purrs that he doesn’t have to be alone anymore, he’s sold.

Tara wakes up to Eggs in bed. Luckyyyy. She comes downstairs to find Maryann playing house. The food is back, so the bewitching continues. Mark my words: food will be a major plot hook. (If not, say you heard it elsewhere.) Maryann informs Tara she’s moving in and that Sookie won’t mind. Chateau Maryann? Not really. Apparently it was never Maryann's pad. Tara tells her squatting at Sookie’s won’t fly, and Maryann plays wounded animal.

Lafayette is back in full effect, y’all—at least, from the outside. Makeup, outrageous headdress, le femme jewelry—check. But his attitude? No sass, all class. Even boss man Sam doesn’t get why Lafay’s not detonating the F-bomb. “What happened to you?” he asks a subdued Lafay.

Maryann treats us to a drive-by spellcasting , which leaves the Merlotte’s staff with one agenda—embody rage, channel it to Tara. Tara comes home in tears, and after a pep talk about family from Eggs, runs to Maryann, natch.

Did you notice what I did? Not only has Lafayette switched roles, but so has Maryann. Sitting at Sookie’s kitchen table, hair back, sans outrageous outfit, makeup and jewelry (reading Heart Sick, that manipulating temptress), she looks disturbingly like Sookie’s gran. Hmmm ….

As Maryann and Tara make up, Sam and Daphne make out, swapping stories about how shifting feels orgasmic. Who says romance is dead?

Dallas

Sookie corners the mindreading bellboy and insists they join forces. When she asks if he can read vamp thoughts, Barry flips. “Don’t even say that out loud,” he seethes. “These aren’t candy-ass Louisiana vampires. This is Dallas, baby. Dallas vampires are serious and scary as s***.” He’s anti a Sookie friendship, and shakes off her pleas to “teach” him. He quit his vamp hotel gig, but I bet we’ll see him again.

I’m not one to hate on Bill, but Barry’s sugary sweet gluteus maximus comment about Louisiana vamps is on point. Bill took an obnoxious page from Edward Cullen’s overbearing school of vamp courting and is all “I want to keep you safe,” “I can’t lose you” and “How will I protect you?” to Sookie. Gross. I like him better when he’s throwing her out of cars or, like, feeding on her. Add the purple sheets Bill's swathed in, his self-comparison to a “waitress,” admitting he’ d be “satisfied just holding her” (puhleeze!) and his girly robe, and I say we have another case of mistaken identity, this one gender influenced.

Sookie and Bill meet with Eric and two of Godric’s compadres to come up with a game plan to rescue the 2,000-year old vampire who—gasp!—was turned as a teen, and—gaspier!—is Eric’s maker. A glimpse into Eric’s past shows him as the typical medieval next-door, good-guy warrior. Godric spares Eric after killing his fellow warriors, which, by the way, was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen on True Blood. (Try slow mo. Even cooler.) As Eric’s emotional attachment is finally revealed, the stakes get higher for Sookie, who will infiltrate the FOTS. (And if you’ve been paying attention, you know the results will suck.)

Jesus Camp/ Newlin House

Not much is shaking in Jason’s world, except, oh, I don’t know, God’s omnipresent finger as he eyes what goes on at the Newlins’. But can we blame Jason? Sarah locks herself in the bathroom where Jason is luxuriously soaking in a fluffy bubble bath (really?) and tries to seduce him, claiming that God wants him to have a “reward.” Whereas a Scooby snack would suffice, she chooses a loofah and wandering hands instead, comparing herself to Mary Mags. Jason rebuffs her. Manly Jason sudsing away in a tub, turning away a woman? Nothing is as it should be.

I said last week Jason Stackhouse was the stupidest human ever. Rev. Newlin has usurped him. Not only does he allow Jason near his wife, he shows him a room full of weapons. Furthermore, he allows him to play with a grenade launcher and alerts him of the guillotine on reserve. The weapons room is a product of Light of Day Research and Development (think Wayne Enterprises run by radicals).

Jesus Camp was uneventful, save for Jason’s competitive streak taking a back seat to help Luke. Is this the beginning of a beautiful bromance?

BITE-SIZED

—Maryann is like the mood ring from Hell. We’ve seen her inflict hedonism, joy, sheer lunacy, and this week, rage.

—Jessica and Hoyt’s long-distance comic book rehash was perfect puppy-love fodder. Hoyt’s p-jams, however, were horrific.

—Paging Mr. Blackwell: Can someone please tell Sarah Newlin that velour jumpsuits are about as cool as scrunchies?

—After being chastised for ordering a human snack, Jessica stomps away, quipping “You are going to be sorry when I get an eating disorder.” She rocks.

—An astute travel writer, colleague and avid TB watcher points out: What is up with the Bon Temps vamps’ allergy-eye syndrome?

—Sookie insists Bill is different from other vamps because he is capable of love. Um, Eric is, too. What else is fueling his desire to find Godric? But is this a good thing? Creator Alan Ball teased to EW some Eric/Sookie chemistry in Season 3. Color me intrigued.

—Is it just me, or has Daphne flashed those scratches enough to the point that Sam should have asked about them?

—Seeing Eric’s back story was clutch. More, please.

We’ve got a while until the whole gang is back in Bon Temps. Do you like the shifting storylines, or is it making your head spin? And are you warming to Eric as much as I am? Stay tuned ...

— amy kates